Is this tacky?

twinkletoes3126

I offered to throw my sister in law her baby shower. She has made it very clear she wants the shower at her house. I want to do what she wants but I think it's tacky to host a shower at the guest of honors house. I am happy to have it at a restaurant but she really wants it at her house. Is this tacky? Thanks!

Shobb414

Seems weird since that means she has to clean and prep her house for guests. Idk etiquette says it's a no no, but I definitely wouldn't volunteer my house for someone to throw a shower for me... Too much work.

jencnh

Nope, not tacky as long as she's not hosting it. It's perfectly acceptable and it's easier to not have to lug all the gifts too!

twinkletoes3126

somerandomchick said:

It's not tacky as long as you're actually the one hosting, not just a puppet host.

It IS tacky for the guest of honor to make demands about where it is though--as the hostess, almost everything about the party is your prerogative. Most hostesses give the GOH a lot of input over guest list, and you have to get her input on dates she's available, but everything else is up to YOU.

If YOU would rather host at a restaurant you can. (For one there's prob less cleanup for you that way, cause I'm sure you're not going to trash her house and leave...)

I guess that's part of it for me. I don't want to clean her house before or after the party. I don't want to cook. I really would rather just pay at a restaurant and not worry about it. However, I want her to be happy so I'm torn.

ELauren88

I had my shower at my house. It was actually just easier, since it was big enough to hold everyone. Plus, I didn't have to haul all the gifts around either, just to the nursery.

My friend who was hosting didn't have to clean anything, as my house is generally clean as is, and she picked up all her stuff, and swept the floor. Boom.

You also don't HAVE to cook, you could just pick up ready made stuff, or cater, if you have the money.

EastCoastBride

My group always did showers at someone's home. For my baby shower, they picked a restaurant. I felt guilty at first. It just seemed like an unnecessary expense. But then your points were explained to me, and I got it. The cost vs the clean up was worth it to my friends.

She might be trying to make it as inexpensive as possible for you. So explain your perspective.

Yes, you could cater it. Look into that cost.

In the end, it's your choice, though. You are the host!

RibbitGrl930

Is she a high-risk pregnancy (multiples, advanced age, etc)? If so, I'd think that's what is driving the request to have it at her house as many HRP mamas are put on bedrest for quite a bit of the third trimester(and sometimes even in the second if problems arise), which is when many showers tend to happen. If that's the case, I'd give her that. If that's not the issue, she may probably just be trying to save you money (as I assume you are planning on buying everybody's meal) or the hassle of transporting gifts. It's not tacky to hav it at the MTB's house as long as you're truly hosting it. Ultimately, the choice is yours since you are footing the bill.

twinkletoes3126

RibbitGrl930 said:

Is she a high-risk pregnancy (multiples, advanced age, etc)? If so, I'd think that's what is driving the request to have it at her house as many HRP mamas are put on bedrest for quite a bit of the third trimester(and sometimes even in the second if problems arise), which is when many showers tend to happen. If that's the case, I'd give her that. If that's not the issue, she may probably just be trying to save you money (as I assume you are planning on buying everybody's meal) or the hassle of transporting gifts. It's not tacky to hav it at the MTB's house as long as you're truly hosting it. Ultimately, the choice is yours since you are footing the bill.

She is not a high risk pregnancy and if that were the case, I would definitely be happy to have it at her house.

She made it very clear to me today (in not the nicest of ways) that it HAS to be at her house because that is what she wants. She said she just enjoys home showers. She was incredibly rude and was acting very frustrated with me. She acted as though I had to do what she wanted. I began crying as soon as I hung up the phone. I am going to do it at her house but honestly I am so frustrated with her that I don't even feel like hosting a shower at all. She also insisted I contacted her friend and have her help with the shower too. I want to pull my hair out already.

twinkletoes3126

somerandomchick said:

If her concern is carrying gifts, you could tell her first off its the DTB who gets to do that ("I'm pregnant with your child" can make your husband do what you want!), or you as the hostess can volunteer to help her drag gifts inside her house after the shower.

Her husband and my husband (her brother) would be happy to carry the gifts... I don't think that's even one of her reasons for wanting a home shower.

Kewii

I would also back out.  Suggest her other friend take over.

People only act like this and treat us like this because we let them.  If we start saying no, maybe they'll actually realize it's not ok to behave this way. 

EastCoastBride

Kewii said:

I would also back out.  Suggest her other friend take over.

People only act like this and treat us like this because we let them.  If we start saying no, maybe they'll actually realize it's not ok to behave this way. 

All of this. You don't HAVE to do this because she's your sister.

dufferoo

Here's a good line for you: "You know what? I've been thinking it over and I realized I'm not going to be able to throw you the kind of shower you want, so I think I'm going to pass the torch on back to you." Then she can host her own dream shower and you can come back here and post all about it

RibbitGrl930

Honestly, I'd back out at this point. Like @somerandomchick said, if she's making "demands" just on the location (that are not based on health or any other extenuating circumstances), chances are she has a list of other such demands upon which she will insist. I have a feeling there will be no way to give her a shower that will satisfy her, so I'd just back out. If her friend really wants to throw her a shower, she can pick up the baton.

kinarlva

No, it's not tacky. I've been to showers at the MTB's house before. It's fine as long as it's very clear that she's not actually the one throwing the shower. 

twinkletoes3126

Thanks for all the responses ladies! I am just going to suck it up and throw it at her house.

michellersayer

Nope! Mine was at my house. It's where I was most comfortable! My mom and sister hosted it and cleaned up afterwards. I didn't even help set up.. I took that time to sleep!