Name issue

MagickalNarwhal

editing for privacy

bumpuser794640

Well, I definitely wouldn't have chosen that MN for a girl. And I can totally see your misgivings with the meaning and sound. Perhaps there is some way that the four of you can come together to choose a new name with a meaning you can all get behind. If not, I would probably change it and just try to help the BPs understand that you are not trying to discount the sacrifice they made. It's a tough spot to be in, I wish you luck in your decision!

Dr.Loretta

I would start from scratch with a new MN. Either an acceptable (to everyone) derivation on the name or the meaning, or a different name that you can all agree on.

ETA: Severus actually means stern or severe. The HP meaning is unique to HP

You may also want to hit up the Baby Names board. Some of the name experts over there may have some ideas for you

MagickalNarwhal

They have suggested a compromise that she keep that middle name legally but add another middle name that she goes by. I don't want two middle names, and it defeats the purpose of why we brought up changing the middle name in the first place. 

It's hard for me to know what to do. Will she grow up and resent us for taking away something that was meaningful to her birth parents if we change it? Or if we keep it will she grow up and resent us for saddling her with a weight like that?

Dr.Loretta

I like that compromise. IMO it's"just" a MN. If she hates it she can change it later, or use the initial

JoshKrisAdopt

Yikes! That a heck of a name! On the other hand I have some pretty close friends who probably don't know my middle name so it might not even be an issue. I agree with the others, she could always change it when she gets older.

[Deleted User]

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maryoosa

@MagickalNarwahl ugh what a tough one. I would also see "Sever Us" every time I looked at the name--- if you are really opposed to the two middle name situation (which is where we wound up by choice) then you might be stuck-- -but I think it's a two fold issue---1 being the trust of the birth family (which I'm sure you've established in mutifaceted ways already) and 2 being the issue of taking something from you daughter. Then again- I think there is good case for you to change it--- based on the anti-semitism in the name alone and also, because no matter how open of a relationship you have with the birth family-you are still parenting this child.... and changing a middle name, especially if it's one that conflicts with your identity as a family (ie. Jewish family, anti-semitic name) then I think you get to do that and you may even get to do that without feeling guilt about it.

CarolinaGirl2014

I agree with @marshmallow evening. I think that's a terrible MN, especially for a girl. It not only sounds harsh but the meaning is harsh. I think it's worth bringing up again with the birth parents, but not worth ruining the relationship over as many people may never even know her middle name. I can certainly understand them not wanting to let go of the last thing they ever had a say in for her, but after some time of thinking they may realize how terrible of a name it is and decide to put her first. I'm sure it was a shock and felt like an insult when you first brought it up because it is a challenge to their decision for her (not that I blame you!).

MrsMuenich

Since my vote matters (LOL), I vote Lily. As a BM, I feel like her sacrifice for Harry is much closer to what it's like to place a child. And Lily is the reason Severus sacrificed anyway.

kva11isho

Before we met the woman who ended up choosing us as adoptive parents for her daughter, she already had a name picked out that she wanted used as a first or middle name if the baby was a girl.  We found out a few weeks after our match that she is a girl, and we asked our EMom if she would mind using the name as a middle name - it's unique and not something we have ever heard of.  Once she gave us the OK to use the name as a middle name, we all decided on a first name and compromised on the spelling.  Our families don't seem to care for the middle name, and we get a lot of "you can change it later, right?"  They don't seem to understand the significance the name holds in that we created a memory in choosing it together, and changing the name would create trust issues between us and our EMom.  Also, we decided that a middle name really isn't used that often - how many of your friends know your middle name and vise versa?  We didn't hate the name, it's just different than something we would have picked.

On the other hand, I have a really unique middle name.  I still remember the day that all of my classmates learned my name - in kindergarten.  Our teacher asked us to line up in alphabetical order according to middle name, and then we all shared our middle names.  The class teased me for weeks, simply because my name is unique. 

I understand that the birth parents in your situation chose this name because it holds special meaning to them.  To be honest, though I immediately thought of Harry Potter when I read it.  I assume many HP fans would do the same, and not realize the back story or meaning behind the name.  Plus the name is very unique, especially for a girl.  If I were in your situation, I think I would try to see if the birth parents could agree with you on a different variation of the name with a similar meaning.  Luckily we didn't have any major issues with the name our EMom picked, it was just something we wouldn't otherwise have chosen.  If we would have had a problem with it, I would have tried to compromise with her...

Good luck!