Intro, and should I seek therapy?

Ceridwen21

Hi everyone,

I have a 2 year old, and this summer I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks while I was on a business trip in India.  It was pretty devastating to go through that under any circumstances (as you all sadly know), and I know this isn't the Pain Olympics, but going through it alone in a foreign country was pretty brutal.  Everything passed naturally and I flew home as soon as I could.  I took a week off work to heal, and with each passing day I felt a little bit better.

It's been 3 months now and for the most part I feel ok about it.  We're officially TTC again and I'm happy about it.  But yesterday I went to see my gyno for the first time since it happened (she's wonderful but it's pretty much impossible to get an appointment quickly) and I spent the whole appointment sobbing while I was talking about it.  And just now I had a long chat with a colleague and I ended up telling her, and again, I was a crying mess.  I just can't stop crying when I talk about it.

I know it's probably not fair to ask "is this normal?" cause I know everyone deals with emotions differently.... but is it? I know I'll never fully get over it, and I know I'll always wonder about my April baby who never was, but shouldn't I be able to talk about it without crying by now?

I'm wondering if I should seek professional help.  I have good insurance so money isn't a concern.  Should I talk to someone about this? Or this just me being sad, and it's ok to be sad?  I don't feel depressed, I'm not losing sleep or anything.  I'm fully functional.  I just don't want to waste my time or anyone's time when there are plenty of people in this world who have far greater problems than I do.

Thanks for listening.

aschultz9

I am very sorry for your loss. And how scary to be so far away and alone. I was due in April also and I still cry. I think its normal. I had a mmc 10 years ago and all of those memories resurfaced as well. Be kind to yourself and best wishes ttc.

megrae12

I asked myself that same question. I went to therapy for a little while, it was a HUGE help. It gave me more closure than trying to swim through it on my own. But that is me. I think really you need to look at yourself and see what it will do for you. I hope you are able to find some peace and healing. ((Hugs))

libby+nate

Follow your heart. It is okay to cry and let it out. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to experience it alone in a foreign place.

alm288

I'm sorry that you had to go through this - and on top of it alone in a foreign country. Scary! I live abroad so at least I speak the language of the country and have my DH. You are a strong woman!!

I don't think you should doubt your grieving process or how long it should take or what it should be like. Maybe you are just ready to open up about it and found these people to be trustworthy.

Therapy can be a wonderful thing. You have neutral person who can help guide you through the healing process. Their job is just to give you the tools you may not have or just help you to better use your tools. They know the right questions to ask and are great listeners (my background is psychology so obviously I support it).

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide! *hugs*

Ceridwen21

Thank you all for the kind words and feedback.  I'll mull it over this weekend.

MrsRusty14

I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, my loss was also in August and I still have some bad days. For me, it helps to talk about it, but some people are not the best to talk about it too. Like the others have said, therapy can be a great place to talk openly. 

I know you mentioned you have insurance, look into if you have EAP (employee assistance program). Most employers provide it, and it allows you to have a few free sessions (with out having to pay a co-pay). I just thought I would mention it. 

I wish you the best of luck on your healing!

LifeofCat

It's normal and perfectly ok to cry; this was not only a devastating loss, but also a traumatic experience, being alone in a foreign country. I can't imagine.

My mother was alone at home in a small rural french-speaking community (she's anglophone) when she miscarried several decades ago (before any of my older siblings were born) and recently became teary-eyed about it.

(That story isn't meant to compare, but to show a somewhat similar insight)

I have monthly appointments with a social worker who deals specifically with miscarriage/infant loss and it feels good to speak to someone "unbiased". But it's up to you and only you!

Edit: I also corresponded with a counsellor online via my work's insurance coverage and that was also nice, especially since I express myself better in writing.

(((Hugs)))

 

 

RayRay007

I'm sorry. You're right every one deals differently. I didnt cry for very long but that doesnt mean its wrong to. I dont think there us anything 'wrng' with you but it probably wouldnt hurt to talk to someone. (Typing from ipad)