Waiting and wanting and talking WAY. TOO. MUCH.

AlanaB2010

Hi everyone - 

After years of being on the fence (or on the other side of the fence) about motherhood, I've finally come to a point of committing to having a child.  It's been building for a while...had some setbacks as friends have lost pregnancies/stillborn etc....and then recovered and continued to build.  Now ready to go.  We are going to start TTC in the Spring I think - taking lots of time to let the BC leave my system.  I am a planner, which means that I have thought about school cutoff dates and when I'd get most mat leave from work, and what time of year would be most suitable, etc.  I think March would be an ok time to start, though ideal would be to get pregnant in June.  As I type this, I cringe, because I also know that trying to plan pregnancy is naive and setting myself up for disappointment, and that I really need to abandon my need to plan this out.

A secondary problem - now that I've embraced this opportunity, I want to get pregnant NOW.  I have baby/pregnancy dreams constantly.  I do review comparisons on big purchases like strollers.  I make lists.  And the biggest problem: as well as being a planner, I'm a talker.  I want to talk about the decision to have a baby so badly!  I want to talk about it all the time.  With everyone.  I talked to a coworker, then realized that probably wasn't discreet.  I've talked a bit to friends with babies, but I realize I'm probably talking too much - they want to talk about their experiences as new mums, about their babies, etc.  I also have friends who, as I said above, have lost pregnancies, and I'm not sure how to discuss it with them.  DH is not someone who re-hashes things - he's excited that we're going to start in March, and now he's put it out of his mind and feels no need to discuss it.  So I just want to talk with someone SO BADLY and be really excited and babble (kind of like in this post - sorry) - but don't know how to control it.  Did anyone else go through this?  Maybe I'm just a lunatic?

Thanks everyone!

Alana.

AlanaB2010

Thanks for the welcome both, and for the reassurance!  I've been aware in the back of my mind that being a total control freak now is poor preparation for a baby.  I want to be relaxed.  I read The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant, which was v. helpful and semi-humourous.  It also seemed though that she was saying "oh, just let the crazy reign - nothing wrong with that".  I am *trying* to be calm.  But it def. works against all my natural tendencies!  I will definitely keep board crawling and trying not to overshare.  You are exactly spot on -  it is that I am so excited and putting it out of my mind and acting normal seems to have fallen by the wayside.

One thing I have found that works is trying to focus on losing some weight before the true TTC period starts.  We'll see.  The other part of me is just drinking beer and eating deli meat and sushi.

dogperson11

I feel like I'm reading my story (or how it was a few months ago). Glad I'm not the only one who has had a very premature private registry on Amazon for everything baby! Welcome!

AlanaB2010

Haha - that is amazing.  I have combined about 20 different stroller review resources into a metric and now have the top 4 on my amazon wishlist.  Sigh.  At least I'm not alone.

MrsMac613

This is so me. At first I was talking my DH head off about babies, then I told my two best friends about our TTC plans so that I can spread out all my talking as to not annoy one person lol. I too am guilty of the secret Pinterest board and private amazon, target and BRU wishlists. You are not alone!

RogueZymosis

This is me too! Luckily, we're hoping to TTC next month, so I don't have that big of a wait. I decided to research one baby item per day. That way I don't have a whole registry decided before we even get pregnant.

AlanaB2010

Phew - glad there is a whole hoard of us in this boat!

theteno said:

i'm usually a planner, but for some reason with this, i just want to let it happen. the part i can totally relate to is that it's all i want to talk about and think about, so i'm on the nest and the bump a lot now. maybe i just don't want to plan it out in case we have difficulty TTC. once we get pregnant, i'll feel more like i'm not jinxing anything. 

I totally agree.  After being on the fence for so long and finally deciding I'm ready, my second biggest fear is not being able to have one at all (this is after the first biggest fear - that I will and that I'll be bad at it).  I also feel like I am jinxing things and planning too much, too soon.  I think your approach is super admirable and I will try to emulate it!

kit0429

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

Ducktale

kit0429 said:

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

Please do share with the class the secrets of a perfectly planned out pregnancy. Also, super weird to call TTC a "project"

rjeller32

kit0429 said:

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

Considering it can take a healthy couple a year, and you only have a 20% chance every month, I would say it was probably luck.

Or, did you have handstand sex? That does get the semen pretty well in there....

Twinkie0612

kit0429 said:

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

I'm glad it worked for you, but it's not that easy for everyone.  I have had regular cycles since stopping BCP in August of 2011 and am generally a healthy person.  I have been TTC for over 2 years, have done 4 IUIs, and 2 rounds of IVF.  We are currently waiting to see if IVF #2 has worked. 

Ducktale

Twinkie0612 said:

kit0429 said:

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

I'm glad it worked for you, but it's not that easy for everyone.  I have had regular cycles since stopping BCP in August of 2011 and am generally a healthy person.  I have been TTC for over 2 years, have done 4 IUIs, and 2 rounds of IVF.  We are currently waiting to see if IVF #2 has worked. 

You just didn't PLAN well enough, Twinkie!

Twinkie0612

Ducktale said:

Twinkie0612 said:

kit0429 said:

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

I'm glad it worked for you, but it's not that easy for everyone.  I have had regular cycles since stopping BCP in August of 2011 and am generally a healthy person.  I have been TTC for over 2 years, have done 4 IUIs, and 2 rounds of IVF.  We are currently waiting to see if IVF #2 has worked. 

You just didn't PLAN well enough, Twinkie!

Ha! What's funny is that I am definitely an "over planner" and it drives DH crazy because he is more of the spontaneous type.  However even I know that pregnancy is not always something you can plan.  ::looks down at siggy::

Funny story, BSC coworker was bragging once about how she "planned" her pregnancy around our busy time at work.  I told her that she got lucky and that you can't really plan on when you get pregnant.  She told me that she did plan her pregnancy because she knew that she had a 3 month window to get pregnant.  I asked what she would have done if she hadn't gotten pregnant in those three months, was she planning to wait another year to try again?  She didn't answer that one.  Yup, you attempted to plan your pregnancy and got lucky that it worked.

sister13

kit0429 said:

My pregnancy was one of the most planned out projects I've ever undertaken. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't plan it all out - if your cycle is regular and you are eating right and exercising, don't be surprised if you get pregnant on the first try. My mom tried to tell me to just "do it" and that you can't plan it that closely but we did and we nailed it!

Oh? And how is your plan for acting like a condescending, ignorant jerk going?

Just kidding, looks like you have nailed that too, congratulations!!

AlanaB2010

These responses have made my Monday morning.  Hurrah for snark and also hurrah for the really important reminder that planning is great but also seriously neglects the realities and massive, emotional-roller-coaster challenge of this process for so many people.  I find myself planning and assuming I can pull off these feats of scheduling mastery but really need to be reminded that this is a marathon and not a sprint.  Thanks for words of wisdom, ladies!  And to the woman who successfully completed the 'pregnancy project' - glad for you, but also guessing the responses to your comment will be something to take on board.  I definitely have!