Help please! WWYD?

MrsT0514

So one of my girlfriends is getting married next weekend. Her bachelorette party is this Saturday. Originally the plan was to rent a party and head to a bar where we'd have a VIP area. I was told the cost would be $100 per person, which would cover the spot on the party bus, food, drinks, and the bar fee. Sounded like a good deal and good time, so I voted in.

Well the MOH texted me yesterday statinga change of plans. The wedding party would provide picky foods/apps and pre game drinks at the bride's house, then we'd take a party bus/limo to a bar where we'd all have our own tabs. The cost is still $100.

To be honest, I'm a little confused/disappointed. Instead of a night out that will cost me $100, we're talking at least 150-200 bucks total. Plus at least 150-200 next weekend for their wedding gift. I feel like this has become a bigger expense than I was expecting..this a lot of money just for a night out and a wedding. But I don't want to be a total shitbag and back out last minute. Help please! What do I do?

bullybutt

If you really don't care about going then I would tell her that you had budgeted the $100 for the total cost of the night out and that you will not be able to afford partaking in the activities outside of the limo ride and that it would be best for you to stay home.  Hopefully she can find a replacement. I would tell her sooner than later. I would hate for you to leave her high and dry and others to cover the cost...but she did technically tell you a different in the beginning.

MrsT0514

Yeah..honestly, at this point I don't really care to go purely based on the extra expense...but I'd also feel awful to be responsible for costing the other ladies more money.

I also didn't give this much thought when she texted me yesterday and I agreed to the change...not smart on my end. So I feel even worse about it now.

MrsT0514

Would it completely shitty to tell her some unexpected expenses came up and combined with the change in plans, I just can't afford it? Ugh. I feel awful, but I sort of wish I kust declined in the first place.

Nechie122

So the only thing not covered now is your drinks at the bar? That sounds reasonable to me because you can control how much you're drinking ... you'll even be pre-gaming. Honestly, for the cost of a round of drinks at the bar, I don't see this as a big deal.

bullybutt

LOL, do you have dogs?  You could say that you had an unexpected emergency with your dog and you just had to shell out a fortune for his/her vet bill.  He wouldn't get out of bed and come to find out, he had a ruptured disk in his back and was partially paralyzed (happened to my bulldog).  They gave him steroids and he is doing better now.  That story might seem too coincidental and she could call b.s. on it.  I know it's lame and I'll probably have karma on me for it.

Or you could just flat out tell her the truth.  You were under the assumption of Plan A, ran the numbers for Plan B and it's just not going to work out for you, financially.  Sorry to be a downer, but you really can't afford it and hopes that she can find a replacement.

JackoftheBox

pobrecita said:

MrsT0514 said:

Would it completely shitty to tell her some unexpected expenses came up and combined with the change in plans, I just can't afford it? Ugh. I feel awful, but I sort of wish I kust declined in the first place.

If you can't afford it, don't drink then?

Did you change your screen name? I usually only see your avatar first... I had to look a few times!

MrsT0514

I could see where you guys are coming from. But, where we're going is really pricey. Drinks will cost no less than 10 bucks a pop. Plus she mentioned a cover charge. IDK...It was gonna be tight with the original plan...let alone with the extra cost now. I probably should have just declined. I'm sort of kicking myself.

Plus we just had to replace our fridge which costed us 1300 bucks.

@kdc2007 no I'm not in the wedding party.

MrsT0514

@kdc2007 Yes. Now the cost is 100 bucks for just the limo/bus vs. Before it was 100 bucks for food, drinks, cover charge, and bus/limo.

SummerSnow11

I think it is ok to just say you can't afford the night out now. And you did have an unexpected expense come up with the fridge. Life happens.

Nechie122

Do you think the price went up because other people backed out so now that $100 per person won't stretch as far?

I guess what I'd suggest depends on whether you're friends with the entire group or just the bride. I still kind of feel like you should eat the additional cost and just be mindful of any drinking you do at the bar -- and maybe give a somewhat smaller gift to compensate ($200 is very generous). Especially if this is a group of your close friends. But if you really can't swing it or don't really care about the other girls' feelings, you do what you gotta do and send your regrets.

MrsT0514

@Nechie122 Well, that's the thing. I'm friends with the bride and some of her bridesmaids, but definitely wouldn't say I'm super close with them. When we see each other out and about, we have a great time together, but we don't see each other much.

Regardless, I was excited to go, not only for a fun night out, but also to show respect to the bride, obviously. I certainly care about the other girls' feelings, but quote honestly, if they said this was the plan from the beginning, I probably would have declined. I feel shitty and i guess i should have just bowed out from the beginning.

MrsT0514

Also, I'm not sure what caused the change in plans. I know the place we were supposed to go to has changed...so maybe thats part of the reason why the cost has increased.

angelashly

I would just say no if it would hurt our budget. I hate saying no, but I would.

MrsT0514

angelashly said:

I would just say no if it would hurt our budget. I hate saying no, but I would.

I guess this is where I'm at. I hate being the one to.back out last minute like this. But honestly, having just had to purchase a new fridge (ours shit the bed unexpectedly), and woth the wedding being next weekend...the cost hurts. Plus I'd much rather use the extra money to give a more generous wedding gift than shell out more money to go to the bachelorette party.

ilovemygirls

If you still would like to go, I'd back off on the cash for the wedding gift- I think $150-200 is VERY generous. Keep it to $100 for the gift & drink lightly when you're at the bach party.