Passive aggressive DCP

Maebb

DS is almost 11 months old. My DCP is an in-home, and she is my friend too. Almost daily, she gives me some piece of advice, and lately she has been doing it passive aggressively by talking to DS. Today it was, "Oh, you're going to be cold today because Mommy didn't put a jacket on you." I just said, "Yeah, ok, have a good day, bye!" I am probably overly sensitive because I am jealous in a way that she gets to spend more waking hours with my child then I do, but her comments have just been rubbing me the wrong way lately. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just wanting to get my thoughts out there, but WDYT?

Libby1978

I think the best thing to do is bring it up the next time she makes a passive aggressive comment.  Just tell her it bothers you when she says stuff like that.  She may not even realize that it gets to you. 

persephonerose

If it bothers you I might say something. For me I probably wouldn't say much. I can understand the coat thing, if she was taking the kids outside he might get cold. I can even understand the pants thing. She is observing him, if she noticed he was having difficulty getting around why shouldn't she mention it?

I think any DCP is going to make comments or give you advice and input. However, I think she is doing a crappy job of delivering the advice. I guess what I am trying to say is I dont see anything wrong with her advice, just the way she is letting you know.

theseaword

Her method of delivering messages sounds obnoxious and immature. No one benefits from passive aggressive digs. Call her out, maybe? Be direct: " oh, should I have brought a jacket for outdoor time? Just let me know what you need", etc.

But I would also advise against being too defensive regarding getting advice from DCP. They do tend to know what works for the kids during the day. If you trust them enough to leave your kid with them all day, trust them enough to at least weigh their advice. It can feel lousy, but you and DCP are both on the same team in trying to look out for your kid.

thatoneredhead

My MIL does this and so did my old DCP. I let it slide until I hated her. There were other reasons (big ones) but this started my dislike of her.

If she put on her big girl panties and told you like an adult that they go outside alot and sometimes it's cold, that would be different. 

People commenting on my parenting through talking to my kid is literally my biggest pet peeve.

JackoftheBox

TwilightMV said:

Her method of delivering messages sounds obnoxious and immature. No one benefits from passive aggressive digs. Call her out, maybe? Be direct: " oh, should I have brought a jacket for outdoor time? Just let me know what you need", etc. But I would also advise against being too defensive regarding getting advice from DCP. They do tend to know what works for the kids during the day. If you trust them enough to leave your kid with them all day, trust them enough to at least weigh their advice. It can feel lousy, but you and DCP are both on the same team in trying to look out for your kid.

This exactly.

Maebb

Thanks for all the advice, everyone! She means well, and she's also from another country, and I know her delivery method is more consistent with the culture of her home country. So probably she's trying to be helpful, and she cares about DS, and I'm sure she doesn't realize that she's delivering the message in an offensive way. She does a good job taking care of him, so I'll probably let it go until it really annoys me and then say something like @TwilightMV suggested in a direct but non-confrontational way. Thanks!