Thoughts on a second shower

njchorne11

My best friend is having her second child. First was a boy and she had a pretty big shower (about 60 people - she has a large and very close family) and now she just found out she is having a girl.
I want to throw her a shower but i know a lot of people dont agree with a second shower and i totally get it, but would it be ok to maybe do a small shower?? Only close friends and a few family members? Or should I just leave it alone and get her a present..?

FemShep

If you have to ask Internet strangers how people might feel about it, already acknowledging that you know it's frowned upon, it's probably not a good idea. It's great that you want to do something for your friend but you don't need to throw her a shower-why not take her out to lunch with a few girlfriends (or mani pedis) and give her a cute baby outfit? You can also help her out once the baby is born with some babysitting, takeout, and another cute outfit or two.

njchorne11

I know that some frown upon it, but i also went to 2 showers over the summer - both were for second babies. So obviously some people agree with it...right?
lunch and mani/pedis sound wayyyy easier though haha

dufferoo

What could ever be better than lunch and mani/pedis?! That's a great idea.

Shobb414

njchorne11 said:

I know that some frown upon it, but i also went to 2 showers over the summer - both were for second babies. So obviously some people agree with it...right?
lunch and mani/pedis sound wayyyy easier though haha

I say have a sprinkle or ask her about throwing her a little party not a shower after she is born. People can visit with the baby, and I'm sure bring gifts. Just have Appetizers or something small

mypreciouscargos

I say do what you think it's best. There's always people with their own opinions. It's your BFF and you know her best.

michellersayer

It would totally be okay to have a small shower with family and tight friends that you know want to be there!

michellersayer

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my 2nd and I had some close friends beg me to have a second shower and my family wanted one too.. I didn't do it though because I don't need anything and I didn't want people to feel like they had to buy gifts.. Even though they all bought me gifts already anyways which was nice.

michellersayer

That's why I said "invite tight friends that WANT to be there"

lrsb11

my mother is insisting, insisting, INSISTING she throw me a second shower for my second child (1st was girl, expecting boy now) and I have been trying to explain to her that isn't an excuse to have another shower.

its close friends and family at her house, but I will be telling as many people invited that they just need to come for food, not to bring anything! 

michellersayer

Nah I didn't mention it to any of my friends at all.. I have a close 6 friends and they were the ones that pushed me into having another shower. I didn't Facebook poll.. I was at dinner with my Girls when they all started begging to have a shower for my daughter. I declined of course bc I had already decided I didn't feel comfortable with it. My family begged me from the start and still does and I'm 9 months preg. Everyone is different.

amandarins

No second shower. It will look like a fundraiser.

michellersayer

There's no need to be rude people.. Sorry if I offended anyone! Gosh I'm just going to stop posting!

Empireceo

I really really don't get second showers.  People who want to buy the baby gift will do so without a party.

aphilcox

I totally think it is okay that you asked for an opinion. The community boards are to express thoughts and feel comfortable about asking for advice. People can have their own opinions and should express them with respect.

Personally, I am a little anti-2nd showers. I think the lunch or pedi idea is wonderful. The people who want to get gifts the second time around will do so without being prompted - especially if it is a different sex. So let the presents come naturally and enjoy every little thing you get!

michellersayer

I know I agree that's why I didn't have one I said

shaunessa

Love the girlfriend lunch idea for the second time around!

EastCoastBride

njchorne11 said:

I know that some frown upon it, but i also went to 2 showers over the summer - both were for second babies. So obviously some people agree with it...right?
lunch and mani/pedis sound wayyyy easier though haha

The person throwing it is the only person you can assume "agrees" with it.  Many people will still go to a 2nd shower even if they don't fully "agree" with it.  I know I've done that. 

michellersayer

What is a flag!!? I don't use this site much I'm sorry? Please explain

PrimRoseMama

Prim was here. In my circle showers are reserved for FTM. A mani-pedi with mock tails & food is marvelous.

Your girlfriends, & family will buy you gifts if they want to. You don't need a party to celebrate your pregnancy.

laurakaz13

I'd take lunch and mani/pedis any day over a shower! 

[Deleted User]

No.

RibbitGrl930

Homestly, I'd just leave it alone. If there are other close girlfriends in your circle who would be buying her presents (as in, they've said they are going to buy her something), I'd say it would be okay to get together for lunch/or mani-pedi's and give her gifts then. I wouldn't go through organizing a big event, as those are supposed to be for FTMs.

RebeccaY1

I don't have a problem with sprinkles.  In my family it's expected that there is a party for every baby.  The first is the typical shower, the second/third/fourth is a sprinkle.  The sprinkle is usually more of a lunch and people bring small things like new clothes, toys, books.  All babies also have a baptism party or welcome home party (after the baby is born).  The grandparents give cash and people bring small religious items like a cross.

lollipoppoop

RebeccaY1 said:

I don't have a problem with sprinkles.  In my family it's expected that there is a party for every baby.  The first is the typical shower, the second/third/fourth is a sprinkle.  The sprinkle is usually more of a lunch and people bring small things like new clothes, toys, books.  All babies also have a baptism party or welcome home party (after the baby is born).  The grandparents give cash and people bring small religious items like a cross.

So are you just copy and pasting this into every single one of these threads.  This is the THIRD one I have read and you are saying the exact same thing.

secret214uWed28879

Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited. The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother.[citation needed] Over time, it has become common to hold them for subsequent or adopted children. It is not uncommon for a parent to have more than one baby shower, such as one with friends and another with co-workers.

Baby showers are an alternative to other European celebrations of nativity such as Baptisms. However, these can tend to be less materialistic as what is commonly known as a baby shower in the twenty-first century.

According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members. However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the grandmother.[citation needed]

There is no set rule for when or where showers are to be held. The number of guests and style of entertainment are determined by the host. Most hosts invite only women to baby showers, although there is no firm rule requiring this. If the shower is held after the baby's birth, then the baby is usually brought, too. Showers typically include food but not a full meal.



I say, who cares how many showers a person has. if someone wants to throw another one for a 2nd 3rd or 4th baby then accept it and enjoy!! if it bothers someone that a said person has a 2nd 3rd or 4th shower then that's there problem. why does it matter what other peoples opinions are?

reb84

I'd say offer to host a shower for her if you want to.  I recently hosted a shower for a mom who is having a second baby boy in under two years.  I personally love baby showers and like to gift the MTB and new baby.  If I don't feel like gifting the MTB, first time or 6th time, I just don't go to the shower.  Every guest has the option to choose to attend the shower or not.  Even if they feel they HAVE to go to be polite, it's still a choice they have made. 

RibbitGrl930

jennish11 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

reb84 said:

I'd say offer to host a shower for her if you want to.  I recently hosted a shower for a mom who is having a second baby boy in under two years.  I personally love baby showers and like to gift the MTB and new baby.  If I don't feel like gifting the MTB, first time or 6th time, I just don't go to the shower.  Every guest has the option to choose to attend the shower or not.  Even if they feel they HAVE to go to be polite, it's still a choice they have made. 

As the hostess of this tacky train wreck, you are putting people (the MTB's friends and family) in the uncomfortable position to make a choice they shouldn't have to make.  Not wanting to hurt someone's feelings but also not wanting to feel like their being hit up for yet another gift.  

I think there is nothing tacky about this party.  I don't understand why all of a sudden people are so concerned with baby showers for 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies.  Growing up my mom went to them all the time.

and it's not about the gifts... sure people bring them, but I guess it depends on the guest of honor.
I, personally, couldn't care less if I got any birthday, wedding, or baby shower gifts - the main reason my loved ones throw me these parties is to celebrate a new chapter in my life with me and spend time with me.

If guests that are invited think it's "tacky" than they have the option of not going.
People need to lighten up... it's a new baby!!!! they are all wonderful and all deserve the same celebration as the first!

Saying a shower is not about the gifts is like saying going to a restaurant is not about the food.

Sareynoo

Ugh no second showers ever!!! Maybe have a BBQ instead?

Drecab

@jennish11 one thing you will learn about this particular forum is that 90% of the women responding are snarky, judgmental, rude women. If you happen to live in the real world (as you clearly do) you will be bashed and called a gift grabby bottom feeder who's sole reason for living is leeching off of friends and family to take care of your spawn. They do not understand showers are a way to celebrate and welcome baby. The whole 'the baby isn't there' notion is so funny. Baby is there...just as someone who has passed away is at a funeral. Most parents are not up for a big celebration after the baby has arrived because they are overwhelmed. If someone thinks its tacky...DON'T GO! All this they feel obligated and under pressure stuff is for the birds. You can go and celebrate and NOT bring a gift. People do it all the time (even for FTM). These people need to get over themselves and stop going out of their way to make people feel bad. I mean seriously, calling someone's mom tacky? Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!

lollipoppoop

Drecab said:

@jennish11 one thing you will learn about this particular forum is that 90% of the women responding are snarky, judgmental, rude women. If you happen to live in the real world (as you clearly do) you will be bashed and called a gift grabby bottom feeder who's sole reason for living is leeching off of friends and family to take care of your spawn. They do not understand showers are a way to celebrate and welcome baby. The whole 'the baby isn't there' notion is so funny. Baby is there...just as someone who has passed away is at a funeral. Most parents are not up for a big celebration after the baby has arrived because they are overwhelmed. If someone thinks its tacky...DON'T GO! All this they feel obligated and under pressure stuff is for the birds. You can go and celebrate and NOT bring a gift. People do it all the time (even for FTM). These people need to get over themselves and stop going out of their way to make people feel bad. I mean seriously, calling someone's mom tacky? Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!

I can't take any of that seriously.  Afterall you were the one that posted asking if it was ok to have a baby shower for a third child.  If you think we are judgemental, snarky and rude then find another message board. 

ktlucas

A sprinkle in my opinion is acceptable if there is a significant difference in age from your last child.

As time passes so do safety concerns. Your old crib may no longer be considered safe. Or you no longer have the nessasities you once had because you may not have planned for another child.

I don't think a shower for every pregnancy is appropriate. People will give you gifts when your child arrives, no need to ask for more stuff by throwing another.

PrimRoseMama

RibbitGrl930

somerandomchick said:

A sprinkle in my opinion is acceptable if there is a significant difference in age from your last child. As time passes so do safety concerns. Your old crib may no longer be considered safe. Or you no longer have the nessasities you once had because you may not have planned for another child. I don't think a shower for every pregnancy is appropriate. People will give you gifts when your child arrives, no need to ask for more stuff by throwing another.

If your old crib isn't safe or was given away, I have a solution... Google directions to BRU and go buy one. "I don't have stuff and I need my friends to buy me stuff" isn't supposed to be the point of a shower.

"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

ktlucas

somerandomchick said:

A sprinkle in my opinion is acceptable if there is a significant difference in age from your last child. As time passes so do safety concerns. Your old crib may no longer be considered safe. Or you no longer have the nessasities you once had because you may not have planned for another child. I don't think a shower for every pregnancy is appropriate. People will give you gifts when your child arrives, no need to ask for more stuff by throwing another.

If your old crib isn't safe or was given away, I have a solution... Google directions to BRU and go buy one. "I don't have stuff and I need my friends to buy me stuff" isn't supposed to be the point of a shower.

Actually that is the exact point of a shower.