6yo hitting younger sibling

marissa422

Today, I walked into the room where my kids were playing to see my 6yo dd hitting repeatedly with two hands my 20 month old dd.
This is not the first time this has happend, there have been other incidents as well, I have sat her down and calmly explained why this behavior is so unacceptable. I have done this over, and over. They usually do play nice together....where do I go from here?? I don't want my almost 2yo picking up this behavior...

junebugrbig

We had a similar problem.  It wasn't just hitting his younger sister...it was hitting other kids too.  We have been working with a counselor to resolve the issues.  Some things we have been doing...reading books with him about keeping his hands to himself, personal space, and not hitting, doing exercises with him about keeping his hands to himself (his schools sent home some hand outs that we use), and increased positive reinforcement when he does do things well.  The counselor does games with him using toys to discuss these issues and he seems to connect with that.  We have been also identifying what his triggers are and working on alleviating those.  There has been a marked improvement in a short period of time.  Good luck!!

neverblushed

I would avoid leaving them alone to play together out of your sight.  I know this can be tough, but you need to be able to keep an eye on your older daughter's interactions.  A 20 month old can be a handful, and a 6 y/o really can't "keep an eye on" another child that age successfully.  I think it's too much responsibility for the 6 y/o.

A 6 y/o knows that hitting the baby is wrong.  However, she may not have the impulse control to stop herself from hitting her sister when she's frustrated.  Or she may just relish the feeling of power that comes from being able to take a whack at someone smaller, and she may not be able to resist.

Either way, if your response is just to talk to her about it, she may have learned that a lecture is a small price to pay for not having to control herself around the baby.

I'd tell her there's now a "zero tolerance" policy about hitting.  Decide on a consequence that would work to deter her (losing an important toy or privilege, a time out, extra chores, whatever) and then keep an eye on them.  If you see a situation building up between them, coach your older DD on ways to deal with it that will help resolve it without hitting.  Praise her when she successfully deals with her sister without hitting.  If she does resort to using her hands, follow through with the consequence.

But mainly, I think the solution is that you can't leave them to play together out of your sight.  In a year, you'll be there, but you're not there yet.