Ruined Family Name!

lifeonthehill

I am not sure if I should let this ruin the name but something about it just rubs me wrong. My great aunt Marilyn has been one of my favorite people for years. When I told my mom we had discussed it as a possible family MN my mom clammed up. I begged to know why turns out she is on month three of drug/alcohol rehab and is doing really badly. After hearing more it turns out she lost her children because of abuse/neglect when she was younger and has spent more than 10 years of her life in these programs total.
I am glad we don't like to keep names secret because I would hate to have learned this later. I know it shouldn't ruin our realationship but I don't think it is a name I would use now.

Annabel Marilyn was a pretty thought but I just don't know anymore. Oh well.

blu-eyedwife

I feel like it's stranger that your family is so hush hush about this kind of thing.

We didn't share our names, but I knew for sure we weren't going to use the name Alice (which I love) because it's well known that my Great Aunt Alice was a nutter.  (Carried around pictures of my dad and aunt and told people they were her kids, lied about being pregnant and paid prostitutes for their children, named both of those children after her sister's husband....)

Dr.Loretta

That's too bad. I'll be thinking of her

lifeonthehill

blu-eyedwife said:

I feel like it's stranger that your family is so hush hush about this kind of thing.

I know so much dirt about EVERYBODY else including my grandfather being in rehab when I was a teenager. I think my mom was trying to preserve my view on her. She and I have always been so close and I think she was worried it was going to be ruined. I still love her obviously but its a shock!

lifeonthehill

Dr.Loretta said:

That's too bad. I'll be thinking of her

Thank you!

Fluffycakes

alyssaames said:

My great aunt Marilyn has been one of my favorite people for years. 

It's a bummer that after hearing of her personal struggles in life, the image you once had of her is tarnished and may result in you no longer considering her name worthy of a tribute.  

lifeonthehill

Fluffycakes said:

alyssaames said:

My great aunt Marilyn has been one of my favorite people for years. 

It's a bummer that after hearing of her personal struggles in life, the image you once had of her is tarnished and may result in you no longer considering her name worthy of a tribute.  

I don't love her any less and still can't wait to see her at Christmas time but knowing the details of the abuse she inflicted on her children was just unsettling. I feel like putting that name on my child I would be afraid I would think of the horrid things she had done to her children instead of the woman I somewhat have gotten to know. I wont get into details but lets just say the only one of her children we have contact with is 59 and has obvious scars I had always been too polite to ask about as a kid and never really noticed as an adult and now I know.

Fluffycakes

alyssaames said:

Fluffycakes said:

alyssaames said:

My great aunt Marilyn has been one of my favorite people for years. 

It's a bummer that after hearing of her personal struggles in life, the image you once had of her is tarnished and may result in you no longer considering her name worthy of a tribute.  

I don't love her any less and still can't wait to see her at Christmas time but knowing the details of the abuse she inflicted on her children was just unsettling. I feel like putting that name on my child I would be afraid I would think of the horrid things she had done to her children instead of the woman I somewhat have gotten to know. I wont get into details but lets just say the only one of her children we have contact with is 59 and has obvious scars I had always been too polite to ask about as a kid and never really noticed as an adult and now I know.

I hear what you're saying.  I had a member in my family like that too.  

By the way, I hope my statement didn't come across judgemental, I certainly didn't mean it that way.  Wish you and your family the best.  

Maybe the "oh well' like you said is a good way to think of it and work in some of your other mn options!

arizonatea

I was in the same situation if this baby had turned out to be a boy. The MN would have been Dennis after my maternal grandpa, and he is one of my favorite people in the world. I'm incredibly close to my grandpa but I know that 30 or so years ago he was abusive to my grandma and uncle (who I'm both close to). There are some other things he did as well but he has some mental stuff that didn't get worked out for a while since it was a long time ago.

My entire life he hasn't been like that (as far as I know). He's really calmed down due to age and he takes medicine. I don't think it would be fair for me to not name my kid after him because of mistakes he made that didn't directly affect me. Not to diminish what he did to his family but it doesn't change the good relationship I've had for years.

I don't think you should let the things you learned about change your mind. Just remember the good relationship you have with your aunt and the qualities you would like to see passed down to your daughter, you know?

Shobb414

Fluffycakes said:

alyssaames said:

My great aunt Marilyn has been one of my favorite people for years. 

It's a bummer that after hearing of her personal struggles in life, the image you once had of her is tarnished and may result in you no longer considering her name worthy of a tribute.  

This! I think you could still use it, who knows could even help her with her rehab knowing how much you care and that you used her name

lifeonthehill

I was in the same situation if this baby had turned out to be a boy. The MN would have been Dennis after my maternal grandpa, and he is one of my favorite people in the world. I'm incredibly close to my grandpa but I know that 30 or so years ago he was abusive to my grandma and uncle (who I'm both close to). There are some other things he did as well but he has some mental stuff that didn't get worked out for a while since it was a long time ago. My entire life he hasn't been like that (as far as I know). He's really calmed down due to age and he takes medicine. I don't think it would be fair for me to not name my kid after him because of mistakes he made that didn't directly affect me. Not to diminish what he did to his family but it doesn't change the good relationship I've had for years. I don't think you should let the things you learned about change your mind. Just remember the good relationship you have with your aunt and the qualities you would like to see passed down to your daughter, you know?

You do have a point. Maybe this time next year I won't feel the same. I think I'm just in shock. I mean she has been in rehab for months and missed my wedding because she was arrested for DUI a few days prior. My whole family claimed she was sick. Haha. I am just in shock.

lifeonthehill

Shobb414 said:

This! I think you could still use it, who knows could even help her with her rehab knowing how much you care and that you used her name

I think it is a good thing I am not having kids right away because I am just torn now. It is hard to see past her previous life but at the same time I just learned all of this so maybe my feelings will change.

allardr

sad but it would ruin it for me. It's an "honor' to name someone after family, I wouldn't use it personally. Clearly I like your FN choice though