One & Done?? How to Decide to Have Another Baby

meredygw

I need help. I am about to turn 29 and have a 2 year old. He is my life! I adore him so much! I am struggling in trying to decide to have another baby and/or when. 

My husband wants to have another baby but not anytime soon. As a woman getting close to turning 30, I would rather have one sooner than later. 

How does one decide whether to have another baby!? It is such a HUGE decision. The decision to have one was an easy one, and the when was made even easier because he was a surprise. Now the decision of whether to have another is looming and huge! 

I adore my son and part of me would LOVE to have another baby...but there's so much to consider! I love getting to devote my time to my son and worry about having to divide up my time, and all the things I will potentially miss with him. There's the fact that we live in a small 3 bedroom in the country, with no chance of ever moving and probably not ever building, so our house would be FULL if we had another. I adore my husband but he was not as much help as I needed with my son, since he owns his own business and we have farm animals to take care of, so I already know having another will be tough and I probably won't have as much help as I need.

As an only child, I always had friends around, but now that i'm older, I envy my friends with siblings and their relationships. 

Taking all that into consideration...how does one make this huge decision?

I would love to hear any tips or stories of how you made the decision.

dogperson11

I would start with a conversation with your husband. You should each share your wishes. If you decide to move forward and have another child make sure you're on the same page. Explain to him what kind of help you'd like this time around.

A full house isn't necessarily a bad thing. Tons of kids share bedrooms and have a wonderful bond because of it. Sounds like you've got plenty of room outside for playing.

Good luck!

kaniela17

I agree with pp. I just turned 30 with a 21mo and we had recently decided to ttc but with an early mc we started to rethink our situation and everything you said about having a second child. Even though I'm not extremely close with my siblings (one 14yrs older n the other 2yrs), I love that I have them. Although I do like the idea of being a spoiled only child, however MH niece is and I really don't want ds to grow up like that. You just have to talk with your hubby and make the decision that works for you. I know that's not much help but maybe make a pro/con list and see which ones shorter.
Good luck to you.

Edit: oh gosh I didn't mean it to sound like I think all only children are spoiled. MH niece just happens to be extremely spoiled and because that's my sons only (semi close in age) cousin close by I don't want him growing up thinking that's how he should be cuz he's the only child too.

fsumom

Well, DD just turned 7 years old and we finally decided last fall to have another. If I'm being honest, I'm scared shitless now that I'm pregnant. DD is more independent and now we decide to start over? Not to mention 2 kids are more expensive than one. I'm 31 but I know plenty of women that haven't even started having kids until they were around 30. When contemplating this very thing, I was told I would never regret the kids I have but could possibly regret not having another!

jasrun80

I don't understand why people gets so angry at women for genuine questions... I'm positive that you have spoken with your husband about this & you are seeking perspective. In my opinion, I'd kill to have the days back when it was just me & my first. I miss the two of us & could have lived that way forever. I can look back at that time and imagine what it might have turned into & see a ton of self fulfilling happiness there. He'd be happy too, but I don't believe as well off. I didn't realize how much I coddled him until I had my second & I have seen him grow SO much socially since she's grown into a toddler. My husband & I see a therapist and his words were "there is no better gift you can give your child than a sibling." Of course I was pregnant with our second at that time so who knows, maybe he was just being supportive but he did explain why siblings are so healthy for children and I agree with that dynamic. I'm sure if you two research that stuff you'll easily come to a decision. I personally think your timing now would be perfect & you'd be happy with the new addition when you lo is 3. My son is the best & he's started preschool, so it is odd to have alone time with my second,,,there's nothing like that first child, but the two of them are very happy together. Also, I think room sharing is great for kids, boy or girl. I'm sure you'll be busy,,, but it goes by quick. Once they're three, its so much easier. They are little people with ideas & plans.

meredygw

You are exactly right, we have spoken about it but not made any decisions yet, but we do need to speak about it again to express both our opinions/wishes with having another/timing. And yes I wanted the opinions of women who have gone through this and what maybe helped make that decision for them.

You are so right when you said "I miss the two of us & could have lived that way forever." My son and I have such an amazing relationship! He adores me and I him! And I am very scared of how he will deal with less attention. I don't want him to feel abandoned and I am scared that we will lose our sweet bond. 

:-S

But also an the other hand I also do think he is very coddled by all of us, especially myself and his daycare provider. He loves to see other toddlers but does not play very well with them because he doesn't have that chance very often. Not that he's mean or anything, he's just more unsure of being out on his own I suppose. I would love to see him grow socially.

Being an only child myself the decision is very hard. I was very close with my parents, and still am. They tried to have other children, but because of complications, were not able to.

I would have loved to had siblings, and struggle to this day with my "spoiled child" tendencies, that I definitely feel I wouldn't have problems with if I had siblings.

Thank you for your input and perspective