Postpartum visit tomorrow **UPDATED**

mingaling2

UPDATE:

It went okay - while I was there, at least. I managed to sit in the waiting room and not cry, but then I had to fill out a "postpartum exam" info sheet that asked what the baby's weight was, were there any problems during delivery, am I breastfeeding, etc.  I wasn't prepared for that. DH told me to leave it blank and just handed it back to the receptionist. Got my iron checked and the nurse never said anything, which I thought was strange?  

My doctor was wonderful. She is genuinely concerned. But then she told me that she did have my test results and they showed nothing. No problems with the placenta, no infection or clots, no chromosonal issues, etc. She said there was a small amount of fetal and maternal blood mixed, to which she asked whether I had experienced any trauma. I racked my brain and couldn't think of anything. I hadn't fallen, no accidents, etc. I asked if she really thought it wasn't my fault and she assured me it wasn't and there wouldn't be any reason to think that. But I think that all the time, I thought to myself. 

We walked out of there okay. She said we could TTC after at least one m.cycle if we were ready, then that started an uncomfortable conversation with DH which led to misunderstanding and hurt feelings.  I went home alone and just cried. I think I was looking for an answer and not knowing is killing me. And I am scared to death of ever trying for another baby, but now I inexplicably want one so badly. I hate feeling all these things at once - for the first time in my life I really feel like I'm losing it. 

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My postpartum appointment is tomorrow. I'm working on preparing myself as much as possible so that I don't just sit there and cry.

For those of you that have had your initial postpartum appointment, what questions did you ask and what questions do you wish you would have asked?  We did request genetic testing and an autopsy, but I am not sure if they will have the results by tomorrow. 

bunnybun4

Personally, I was kind of suprised at how emotional the appointment made me.  I in some way was looking forward to it almost like it was a loss milestone and it would help me get past some of my grief.  I cried a little in the office but did ok...then I bawled in my car for about 20 minutes and then went home and cried for about an hour.  You may not have the same experience...I just wasn't prepared for it to upset me so much. 

As for questions:

I made a list of all the things I thought I did to cause my loss (painted, used persagel for a few weeks before I knew i wasn't supposed to, etc. etc.) and I showed it to my doctor who assured me that I didn't do anything wrong. 

I asked about what I needed to do next pregnancy different...again she didn't have anything REALLY different for me to do but we agreed to put me on a higher does of folic acid just to make me feel better...it was also nice to kind of get a layout of extra monitoring we would get next pregnancy (even though her death was a fluke)...it felt good to have some sort of a plan

My OB just reassured me that it wouldn't happen again and that I was young and healthy and would be ok.  It helped to hear a medical professional say that.

HTH!  ((hugs)) tomorrow.

mingaling2

Thank you ladies. Writing stuff down seems the best idea - I am sure I will not remember anything. DH will be coming with me (thankfully) and I will take the rest of the afternoon off.

I just dread this.

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY WARNING***



I was also surprised at how emotional my postpartum was. I knew it would be, but I didn't expect for both me and my OB to cry [he had to step out of the room to take a moment after we got through my questions]. I arrived right at my appointment time and was taken straight back to avoid babies and pregnant women; you may want to check and see if you can just show up right at the time and not have to wait in the waiting room.

I knew the cause of my loss [placental abruption caused by trauma - I had a fall that caused my placenta to separate, and my placenta had a huge blood clot where it had tried to heal itself over after it separated], so I didn't opt for an autopsy. I did ask what my chances were of having a spontaneous abruption the next time, how long I should wait to TTC again, and I asked for resources on handling my lack of sleep and my depression. We also talked about how my next pregnancy would be handled differently and what steps I should be taking [exercise, diet, whatever] to prepare my body for my next time around.

It's OK to sit there and cry. It will be an emotional visit, but I hope you get some answers [even if all of them won't be in tomorrow]. I'll be thinking of you. **hugs**

fluttergirlmoonchild79

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

DH went with me which was huge.  Someone was supposed to meet us so we didn't have to go into the waiting room.  They never showed so DH checked me in.  I was doing ok and just waiting for them to come in and check my BP etc and I lost it and then the girl came in and saw I was crying and walked out.  I waited what seemed like forever and then I finally (after pacing the tiny room for a while) opened the door and screamed at anyone who would listen that this was like torture.  My OB came in and wasn't going to actually do the PP exam - just wanted to talk with us.  I insisted on the exam because I wanted the exercise clearance.  We did talk about what happened, what we'll do in the future and also when we were clear to start trying again - even though DH and I had already discussed it.  My OB saw me every 2-3 months after a while just to make sure I was mentally ok.

bunnybun4

just adding to what OSUwifey said...maybe call ahead and ask to be put in a room immediately.  My OB just started doing this for me after my second loss because my DH complained about me having to wait in the waiting room with pregnant women/new moms with their newborns.  After he complained they immediately take me back and put me in an exam room to wait there.  They also started escorting me down a back stairway to leave which makes it really easy to get out without running into every one.

Dixon813

~~ Siggy Warning ~~




Just wanted to say I was thinking of you and hope your appointment went well (or as well as can be).  *Hugs*

schulme2

Dixon813 said:

~~ Siggy Warning ~~




Just wanted to say I was thinking of you and hope your appointment went well (or as well as can be).  *Hugs*

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ same here! Please let us know how it went!

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***




Thanks for updating. Unfortunately, you may never know what happened. I know other loss moms [and some on this board] never get answers as to why their precious babies didn't make it, and I can only imagine how frustrating that is. But please try not to blame yourself for this; you did NOTHING wrong. Do you have any other testing planned, or did you do all of the testing you could to rule out complications?

I'm so sorry you didn't get many answers yesterday. *hugs*

JessicaG220

I'm sorry it was such a tough day for you. I know several women who were left without answers after the loss of their angels. I know it must be so frustrating. Try and look at any positives that you can. It's good that there weren't any genetic abnormalities. And trust me, I know the decision to TTC again is a tough one. You want to fill the ugly void, but you feel like you'll be replacing your sweet baby or diminishing your loss. The decision that's best for you will come in time. Lots of hugs, hun.

mingaling2

OSUWifey09 said:

***SIGGY***




Thanks for updating. Unfortunately, you may never know what happened. I know other loss moms [and some on this board] never get answers as to why their precious babies didn't make it, and I can only imagine how frustrating that is. But please try not to blame yourself for this; you did NOTHING wrong. Do you have any other testing planned, or did you do all of the testing you could to rule out complications?

I'm so sorry you didn't get many answers yesterday. *hugs*

Thank you. I know I need to stop thinking it's my fault. It just doesn't seem to be the first thing that comes to mind, though.  We are done with all the testing we could do. 

mingaling2

JessicaG220 said:

I'm sorry it was such a tough day for you. I know several women who were left without answers after the loss of their angels. I know it must be so frustrating. Try and look at any positives that you can. It's good that there weren't any genetic abnormalities. And trust me, I know the decision to TTC again is a tough one. You want to fill the ugly void, but you feel like you'll be replacing your sweet baby or diminishing your loss. The decision that's best for you will come in time. Lots of hugs, hun.

Thank you

kz's_girlygirl

I am so sorry you didn't get any answers.  However, please rest assured that you did nothing wrong!  I think it's normal to feel guilt over things, but try to tell yourself that you did everything possible and would have done anything you could have to help your baby.  None of this is your fault or because of something you did or did not do.  (I am telling myself the same thing right now.) 

I hope you find some comfort in the time ahead, and know that I am thinking of you and Coraline with love and peace. 

mingaling2

mrsgerman said:

***Siggy Warning***

I'm sorry you had to go through this today. It's not easy no matter how prepared you think you are. I had received an answer which shocked me because I didn't think we would get one at all. Getting an answer made me feel worse and after I had received one I wish I hadn't. In my case it was that my placenta had separated prematurely so to me it felt as if my body failed our son. It didn't do what it was supposed to do for the entire 9 months. So for me getting an answer made me feel even worse. I actually don't think getting one or not getting one makes anyone feel better in any way. I believe you probably would have still felt this way even if you had gotten one. You may have felt like you could have prevented it from happening or like me been angry at your body. It's tough no matter which way it happens and unfortunately is just another hardship all us loss moms must face. 

Don't beat yourself up over TTC again. It seems so very scary in the beginning. When I went to my first appt my Dr told me I could physically in a month but that he recommended waiting 3 so that I could heal emotionally. I wanted to laugh at him in his face because the thought that I would ever consider it in 3 months or much less even 3 years seemed impossible. But time does go on and you begin to heal and things don't seem so scary or crazy, you will get there eventually but it's something that future you will think about, not anything you need to face today or even tomorrow. Stay strong, HUGS 

You are so right. I didn't think of it that way until now. 

I'm thankful for your insight, ladies. You really, truly make me feel less alone. 

weddedwife

I'm glad you got through it. We never got any answers either, and that still is hard. And being there was miserable, sitting in that waiting room. I almost had a panic attack.

I really do harbor some feelings of guilt, though the doctors assured me it wasn't my fault. Some days I'm more forgiving of myself now; that took a long long time.

Hugs.