Not Postpartum...but so depressed, here's my story...

linzerd

I am currently 20 weeks, halfway through my pregnancy, today.  I feel like I have never been so depressed, besides 2 times when I was heartbroken, one of them being the summer MH broke up with me for 4 mos. when we were still dating (we had been together for 3 years).  Prior to pregnancy I was on antidepressants, which I have since stopped, as they are not recommended during pregnancy.

I wasn't sure where to post this since there is no "prenatal depression" board, so I'm sorry if I'm intruding.  I'm starting to feel more and more like postpartum depression is definitely where I'll be after the baby comes.

My job sucks.  It is literally ruining my life.  I work for complete assholes and a control freak bitch and I can't handle it any longer.  This is making me think that I have NO DESIRE to come back to this place after my maternity leave.  I just don't see myself being able to deal with this stress.  Therefore I would like to stay home, but that conversation is not going to be a good one with MH.  Furthermore, we are in talks to buy his father's house next fall.  But my parents want us to buy their house (which we actually currently live on the 2nd FL).  My parent's house would be better, it is larger, has a pool, and well it's the house I grew up in and have lived in my entire life, aside from 9 mos. when I moved out.  Buying my parent's house would mean staying where we are for possibly a year-year and a half longer, which we did not expect.  And we need to get out of there.  I can't live near my mother anymore, she makes me crazy.  This whole conversation is one I really don't want to have w/MH, especially when I am depressed.

I'm starting to feel like this pregnancy was a mistake and now I am stuck.  I guess I'm not looking for advice, I just needed to get this out there. Thanks.

OrangeBird

I would suggest talking to your OB about your depression.  You would be surprised how many women take antidepressants during pregnancy.  There's a tipping point at which your depression becomes more dangerous to baby than the relatively small risk posed by antidepressants.  Additionally, if you are depressed during pregnancy you are at very high risk of postpartum depression, and as I'm sure you are aware, even if you start antidepressants the day you deliver, it will take several weeks for them to start working in your system. 

Many antidepressants are considered relatively safe during pregnancy, especially after the first trimester (I believe Zoloft is most commonly used).  If it gives you any comfort, I took 300 mg of Effexor (which is a much *heavier* antidepressant used less commonly during pregnancy), and my daughter (now 16 months) is perfectly healthy.