I'm not OK!

TwinkleTor

I feel like I can't keep faking a smile. Faking strength, faking happiness. I wish I could just scream from the top of my lungs "IM NOT OK!" I wish I could tell people how I'm really feeling instead of pretending like I'm happy for them, or pretending I'm ok with things that are going on, or just lying.

I'm an assistant teacher in a daycare. The teacher that I assist told me on Friday that she thought she might be pregnant. She then told me today that she for sure is pregnant, she took 5 test. I told her I was happy for her, when I totally am not. She talked nonstop about her pregnancy being an accident, saying she isn't sure if this is something she wants, saying her and her husband aren't getting along, saying she can't afford a baby, saying she isn't sure if she wants to start over after 14yrs, saying if the baby isn't going to grow healthy she is going to abort, saying is her health worth risking for a baby. And I'm sitting listening to her feeling like she doesn't deserve this. But I'm telling her it's ok, take one day at a time, I'm happy for her, smiling. On my ride home all I kept thinking is that I'm ok with her being pregnant, but I'm not ok with listening to her being negative. I can't stand it. I just keep saying to myself she doesn't deserve it.

I feel like a total mess. I feel like my mind is all over the place. I feel like I want to curl up in a hole and never be seen. I'm just feeling so miserable. I want to quit my job and not have to show my face there tomorrow, but that's not an option. I have to keep on the happy mask and continue to pretend.

I'm sorry if this is just all over the place and doesn't make sense. I tried getting my thoughts together.

AJCagle82

I'm so sorry. That's really insensitive of her to talk about it with you. I know you said you're OK, but common sense says don't go on and on about a pregnancy with someone who just lost a child. I hate that you're having to deal with that. I know work has been rough for you. Could you pull her aside and let her know that you are having a hard time talking about her pregnancy. You could tell her that while you're happy for her, it is still too hard for you to talk about it. 

There are so many times that I think to myself, "if you don't want that precious baby, I'll take him/her!" I just don't think people get it sometimes. I hope tomorrow is better.

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***




You are incredibly strong - I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if I had been in your shoes. I faked being happy for awhile, but I finally reached the point where I couldn't and just started telling people how I really was emotionally. Grief is such a hard thing to deal with, and you don't always have to be strong!

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It sucks that we're in this boat. **hugs**

Noethola

***Siggy warning***

I am sorry that this is happening. For me, I would totally tell her that right now, you are not in a position to be the person she complains to, if she keeps it up. I do not think it is healthy to hide what we are experiencing. Its one of the reasons baby loss is so taboo. You do not have to be mean about it or anything, but sometimes people really need to know. The first few months are about self preservation. 

I had a friend expecting a baby. I told her I was very happy for her, but I would not be a good resource for her pregnancy complaints as valid as they were. She did not realize what she was doing, understood my reasons and backed off. It would have eaten me alive had I let it continue. Now, I can be around her and her baby. I think I would have been far gone as a friend had I not just told her I needed some boundaries. 

I hope you find something that will work for you and you are able to stay strong. (But know, being strong doesn't mean you don't still cry.)

mingaling2

I'm so sorry. I just want to hug you. All I can say is it's okay to not be okay.  That's sort of become my mantra. 

bunnybun4

AJCagle82 said:

I'm so sorry. That's really insensitive of her to talk about it with you. I know you said you're OK, but common sense says don't go on and on about a pregnancy with someone who just lost a child. I hate that you're having to deal with that. I know work has been rough for you. Could you pull her aside and let her know that you are having a hard time talking about her pregnancy. You could tell her that while you're happy for her, it is still too hard for you to talk about it. 

There are so many times that I think to myself, "if you don't want that precious baby, I'll take him/her!" I just don't think people get it sometimes. I hope tomorrow is better.

THIS!  It is totally inappropriate for her to be talking about this to you...even if you seem "ok".  If I were you I would set some boundaries with her...just tell her that you are happy for her but right now you just can't handle it.  So sorry you are having to deal with this.

JessicaG220

Totally been there. I'm sorry you have to deal with her on top of your grief. I agree with other people that you should say something to her. There isn't anything wrong with letting her know that it's too painful to hear her complaints. Big hugs!!

VyD81

I'm sorry you have to endure that. I know how you feel and it's ok to feel that way. She needs to be more sensitive to your loss. (((big hugs))))

TwinkleTor

I've since spoke to my co-worker, telling her I am happy for her, but I can't handle talking to her about the pregnancy. It's too hard for me to deal with at the moment. I knew before talking to her that more than likely she would try to stop talking to me about it, but she talks so much, she would still talk about it. So yesterday was the test day... And just as I expected, I still got spoken to about it. One comment she made that really pissed me off was "once my senses heighten because of the pregnancy, I'm not changing poopy diapers, just like you didn't when you were pregnant Tor!" What a low blow! Remind me that I'm not longer pregnant, I gave birth and don't have my baby, and that your now pregnant... Thanks!

Anyway, me and my fiancé talked extensively and we both decided it time for me to move on from my job. I started applying to new jobs. My current job is 40miles away and it takes me 1.5 hours to get to work. My job is also too close to the hospital that I have birth in and I have to pass it every day. And I have too many memories and triggers at work. We agreed that a new atmosphere would be good for me and my recovery.

Thanks for all your advice! It really helped in my decision to speak to her and see how things would all play out.

AJCagle82

I'm sorry, but she sounds awful! Good luck in your job search. I hope you find something soon. You are very strong not to slap her!! 

stefuge

Talk about insensitive - how awful! Good luck with the job search!

TwinkleTor

Don't apologize! Your saying the thing I won't! I like it! thanks!

jordynn1331

Im so sorry I know just how you feel. After losing 2 pregnancies, all of the army wives of my ex husbands friends started getting pregnant in the order I met them! how could I be happy?! Your co worker is so insensitive for talking about it with you, not to mention being negative about it. Sweetie, if youre not okay, let someone know. I had to blurt out how upset it made me when they kept bringing ultrasound pictures and talking about it. there was only one female that respected the way I felt and only spoke about it when i asked which I was very grateful for. Dont keep quiet, thats the worst you can do, then people will walk all over the fact that you are "Okay" with it. to this day i still cry. its been two years. Im still not okay and people respect that. 

weddedwife

I want to punch this woman in the face for you. So glad you will be moving on to another job soon. You DO NOT have to put up with that. Hope you find something great soon!