Anyone else not care about thank you notes?

lba0614

My title is probably flameable, but don't take it too seriously

I just got done filling out all my thank you notes from my shower. Jeeze, it gets repetitive. I feel like I wrote the same generic thing 20 times, and mind you I really did try to make it personal to whoever gave whatever gift. 

I would never think of purposely not sending thank you cards for any occasion that they would be appropriate for, but I kind of wish it wasn't expected. 

I certainly couldn't care less about receiving a thank you card or not. In fact, my sis got married over two months ago and has yet to send out thank you cards...not that I care. I only am even aware of this because she happened to mention to me that she still hasn't sent them out and she hopes no one thinks she's rude. 

So I'm just curious...how many of you actually care about receiving a thank you card? Do you get offended if you don't get one (I know that many probably do)? If you do get offended, why is it so important to get one? Why is the in person acknowledgement of the gift you gave at the shower not good enough? 

Not trying to start an etiquette debate...I get the etiquette behind it and I make sure to send them out myself. I'm just curious I guess.  

CharlieMomma

I too ALWAYS send them, but I also don't care if I receive them. For my cousins shower they had us write our addresses on the envelope, so I wrote my name and put "DONT NEED THIS BACK" where address goes. (I wanted to be entered in the drawing! ) I am fine not receiving a thank you from anyone that I know RECEIVED my gift. If I mailed one, I would like a verbal or written thank you however.

EastCoastBride

This is kind of an "it depends" thing for me. 

If you open your gift in front of me and give me a genuine thank you, I really don't care all that much about getting a thank you. 

It's when I send a gift/ don't see you open it, that I appreciate a thank you more.  More so to KNOW you got it. 

The one time I've been the most "put off" was a co-ed baby shower we went to last year.  They didn't open gifts at the shower, and at the time, I didn't care all that much.  It was much more of a party than a shower and I really didn't care (although I do tend to be a "you need to open gifts at the shower!" person).

But- their "thank you"??  It was a pre-printed photocard that came after their baby was born (which was easily 6 weeks after the shower) and all it said along w/ the baby's details was "Thank you for your love and support".  That's it.  Pre printed w/ their names.  NOTHING handwritten.  If they had at least signed their names themselves, I might have given them a pass.  The end of pregnancy/ having a new baby CAN be overwhelming.  I could have overlooked the lack of personization if they had at least bothered to sign their own names. 

laurakaz13

Yes, I care about thank you notes.  I care about receiving them and I wouldn't be caught dead not sending them.  I send them the same day I receive a gift and my children will be taught to do the same. 

I think not sending them is the rudest, most classless thing in the world.  I know I sound uptight writing this, but this is one of my hills to die on. 

lba0614

A couple of you made good points...I can see a thank you note being more "necessary" to show that the gift was indeed received and appreciated when the gift was mailed and an in-person thank you wouldn't have been possible.

Meery82

Yeah, I kinda care. I bought a gift for my husband's cousin and his g/f for their 3rd baby. I also bought a few things for their other daughter, who is only about a year older. (DH and I had also attended her second kid shower/diaper party the year before). I gave the gift to the cousin when he was at our house and he did say thank you, but I've never heard from his g/f. Not even a text or anything. And I've seen her in person since then.

dufferoo

Yeah, I appreciate heartfelt thanks for a gift I put effort into giving. I honestly don't care whether those thanks are verbal, written, e-mailed, whatever, I just want them to be SINCERE. That's what makes me love giving gifts: knowing I shared some joy with someone I love! I have a good friend who almost always opens my presents in front of me and makes a big deal about how much she loves them. That's awesome, that's enough, BUT, she often sends a followup note as well, that I can tell she wrote after kind of reflecting over the gift, maybe if it was something particularly meaningful, etc. That's cool, it makes my day. It's not necessary, but it's sweet. I think the spirit of the thank you note is to make the giver feel as special as the gift made you feel! Now what about the person who gave you a boring gift straight off your registry because you were very clear about wanting gifts only off that registry, and there's no thought/meaning whatsoever behind the whole gifting process anyways?! In that case I guess, eh, who cares.

Karadee1

I always send thank you cards since it's expected, and I am genuinely thankful. Usually though, when I give a gift, I give it expecting nothing in return. I would never notice if I didn't receive a thank you card back.

lba0614

caradi said:

I always send thank you cards since it's expected, and I am genuinely thankful. Usually though, when I give a gift, I give it expecting nothing in return. I would never notice if I didn't receive a thank you card back.

This basically sums up how I feel in a much less wordy version than what my OP was lol. 

Empireceo

I love receiving thank you notes. Let's face it, most mail is bills and junk. It's nice to receive a handwritten note with even a sentence or 2 on it.

kmkaull2

I always, always send them.  The simple reason is because I want the giver to know how much I appreciate their thoughtfulness. 

I do expect them in most cases--birthday parties, bridal showers, weddings, other random gifts.

However, I do let some people off the hook.  New moms--a verbal thanks is great, and then get back to taking care of your newborn, sleeping, whatever.  Other tough situations like illnesses or deaths, I just hope people don't waste their energy on a written thank you. 

Nicolewinsbingo

EastCoastBride said:

This is kind of an "it depends" thing for me. 

If you open your gift in front of me and give me a genuine thank you, I really don't care all that much about getting a thank you. 

It's when I send a gift/ don't see you open it, that I appreciate a thank you more.  More so to KNOW you got it. 

The one time I've been the most "put off" was a co-ed baby shower we went to last year.  They didn't open gifts at the shower, and at the time, I didn't care all that much.  It was much more of a party than a shower and I really didn't care (although I do tend to be a "you need to open gifts at the shower!" person).

But- their "thank you"??  It was a pre-printed photocard that came after their baby was born (which was easily 6 weeks after the shower) and all it said along w/ the baby's details was "Thank you for your love and support".  That's it.  Pre printed w/ their names.  NOTHING handwritten.  If they had at least signed their names themselves, I might have given them a pass.  The end of pregnancy/ having a new baby CAN be overwhelming.  I could have overlooked the lack of personization if they had at least bothered to sign their own names. 

@EastCoastBride I find preprinted thank yous annoying, and even more so when they send them super late. Sorry it took me 3 months to address these envelopes, I was swamped! Eyeroll.

wittyschaffy

I am on team "I appreciate them".  I think it is really self centered when people can't take the time to drop me a note of appreciation and it makes me less enthusiastic to give them anything in the future if they skip it.  

notkateanymore

If it was opened in front of me, no I don't cares about getting one. I always buy off the registry, so I know they like it and are thankful. If I mailed it, I would like to know it got there in the form of a thank you note.

Chrislyn94

I enjoy receiving thank you notes, but I would rather receive nothing than a preprinted picture with a big "Thank you" message on it. I try to send (for DS's birthday for example) pictures with the thank you's, but not instead of the thank you's.

ArgyleBride

Yes, I care about thank-you notes, quite a lot.  It is the expression of gratitude which is so important to me.  I was recently involved in a wedding just oozing entitlement, and the lack of thank-yous burned because it reinforced the entitlement; I put quite a lot of effort and time into that wedding, and not being thanked really reinforced that my contributions were considered their due, rather than a kindness. 

Enthusiastic in-person thank-yous are appropriate for most occasions, but at any shower a thank-you note is appropriate.  That gift ranks as more "major," requiring both, probably because the event attached to it has the sole purpose of honoring the recipient.  That is a situation I would expect to inspire particular gratitude.

Generally, though, I do not count my thank-yous unless I am already cheesed by previous entitled behavior by the recipient.  Well-meaning flakes, or people who are in an especially difficult time, or just lost track and thought they did send one, do not rankle.  No one is getting stricken from my social calendar for that alone.

sschwege

I definitely want one in a situation where I'm not sure if they received the gift.  For example I went to a friend's wedding, put cash in a card and put it into the card box.  Never received a thank you and started to worry something had happened to the envelope.  At the same time, didn't want to ask the bride because I didn't want her to feel bad.  Ultimately asked her maid of honor who is also a good friend of mine and she said the bride didn't write her a thank you card either so she didn't think the bride was doing thank you cards.  So I was annoyed in that situation.  

Under normal circumstances, I think they are nice, but it wouldn't make me think badly of a person if they didn't write me one.

One thing that did make me angry was DH's friend's wedding.  He traveled half way across the country to attend this wedding as most of the guests did.  We gave them a gift and three months later we receive a mass email sent out to anyone who attended thanking them for coming.  At that point it's annoying because honestly, why even bother?  I would rather get nothing than some crappy, thoughtless, email thank you.

BeckyOff

CharlieMomma said:

I too ALWAYS send them, but I also don't care if I receive them. For my cousins shower they had us write our addresses on the envelope, so I wrote my name and put "DONT NEED THIS BACK" where address goes. (I wanted to be entered in the drawing! ) I am fine not receiving a thank you from anyone that I know RECEIVED my gift. If I mailed one, I would like a verbal or written thank you however.

This.  I have stopped sending gifts to some people because they NEVER acknowledge that they received the gift.  I don't need a hand written note, but please call/ text/ email to let me know that it you got it.  For all I know, there are 5 years of christmas and birthday presents floating around in space that were supposed to go to relatives.  Ugh.  No acknowledgement= no more gifts for you. 

Shobb414

I always always send them!!! For everything!!! Even if someone does something nice. I had my reveal shower sat and have them all filled out yesterday. I just don't have enough stamps so half wnt out in the mail today!

I always just toss them when I get them in the mailBUT I definitely notice if I don't get one for a shower or wedding etc! I have been to many showers and not gotten anything and it's very frustrating! I might be even more annoyed now since I've had a shower because I know for a fact I didn't remember 90% of what people got me when I was opening and opening so it was great to get to read the list and be able to put faces to the gifts.
They are a pain in the as$ but you need to do it

Savannah2002

I send a thank you note for everything....bday presents, Christmas presents, etc.  I'll admit that I judge when I don't receive a thank you note for a gift.  I think it's rude.  Perhaps if someone spends time individually thanking me.....but still a written appreciation is proper.  However, there have been times with new moms where I tell them specifically not to worry about sending a note. I know they are overwhelmed with everything.  Obviously, if I tell them not to worry about it I don't judge or care about the note.  I just think it's common courtesy to hand write basic thank you notes in a reasonable time frame for most situations.  

We had a large wedding and I completed my thank you notes in under two weeks.  I'm sure being pregnant or having a new baby would cause a longer delay in response, but yes they are something I care about.  Also, older generations will really get offended.  My grandmother can still tell you every person (okay slight exaggeration but pretty damn close) who didn't send a thank you note after a wedding present, bridal shower, etc. etc.

lizzielou742

I definitely expect a thank you note. Doesn't matter how generic it is. If someone forgets to send one, yes I do notice it.

pepperedmoth

Eh. My only etiquette hill to die on is "do as you would be done by." I care about whether my friends actually love me, not whether they make gestures. 

My friends are frankly crappy thank-you note writers. Been to lots of their weddings and remember maybe one note? These are people who bring by soup and cookies if someone is sick, who turned up IN PACKS a few weeks ago to help us re-roof our house in one day, who call just to say they care, who hold me when I cry. I know they love me because they tell me so and show me, too, with their actions. I know they appreciate my gifts because they tell me that, too. 

For my wedding I sent notes to my distant relatives who care about those things (especially in-laws I hadn't met!), but I admit I flaked out on my friends who, yanno, didn't send me notes either (I did thank them face-to-face). Still friends with all of them. I'm a crappy note-writer but my husband and I have always, always showed up when they themselves need roofs repaired, wood split, soup cooked, hands held, rides to the hospital given. 

I just . . . I see it as rude to neglect a note if it's part of a pattern of behavior that's rude --- like someone who's always condescending and entitled and never around when you need them . . . but say, our friends J. and L. didn't send us a note from their wedding that I recall (we gave them a claw-foot cast-iron bath tub!), but two weeks ago they drove over three hours to come help with our roof, and they brought a pie. Home-made. From scratch. 

If that's being an entitled twat, I don't think there's a higher compliment to be given. 

mabjcb19

Empireceo said:

I love receiving thank you notes. Let's face it, most mail is bills and junk. It's nice to receive a handwritten note with even a sentence or 2 on it.

Agree exactly.  A handwritten thank you is nice and shows genuine appreciation.  I also want to throw in 2 cents on the "pre-printed thank you".  I received one of these from BIL and his GF, only thing handwritten/personalized was my address on the front (which also took 6 weeks to get to me).  This irked me how impersonal it was, especially when my gift was handmade art I made for their nursery.

Ceridwen21

I'm big-time into giving and receiving thank you notes. 

Chichigo

I don't care about receiving thank you notes, but I do send them. It's awkward with some family members though, such as my mother who hasn't bought me something I've actually liked since I was about 16.

PunkyBooster

I do. My mother would disown me if I didn't send them. I think they are nice gestures. I don't care about getting them for birthdays but I do when it comes to baby gifts and weddings/showers.

lollipoppoop

I don't care about recieving them when I give a gift however I am going to send them after my shower because it is the classy thing to do

RebeccaY1

I find it very rude to not sent thank you cards.  I'm still waiting over 5 years for a thank you card from my sister-in-laws for their bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower gifts.  It's incredibly rude to think that you shouldn't take the time to thank someone if they take the time to give you a gift.

Elsa1984

I always send them. And I expect them. I hate when I spend money on someone, for like a wedding, and I don't see them open the gift and they don't send a thank you note. I am not expecting a novel to be written, just a simple note thanking us for attending their event and that they appreciate the gift. If I don't get one, I feel like they didn't appreciate what we got them. The sad part, is that thank you notes seem rare these days. We just got one from a wedding, that was over 6mo ago. I assumed we weren't getting one from them so I was shocked when one finally came in the mail. In the past few years, we have gone to five weddings, countless baby showers, and tons of birthday parties...and we have probably gotten three think you notes.

neverblushed

I send them in appropriate situations because I know other people care about this, but I don't care or remember if I receive a thank you for a gift that I give.  

I always feel bad for the person having to send out notes, and I want to say "Just thank me in person.  I know you're grateful.  I don't need the actual card."

RebeccaY1

I send thank you cards for all gifts.  I was raised to send thank you cards for birthday presents, Christmas presents, weddings, showers, etc.  

I also remember those people that don't send thank you cards.  When someone doesn't send a card I assume that they couldn't be bothered.  If they can't be bothered to send a simple thank you card then I probably can't be bothered to give them a gift the next time.  It's a respect thing to me.