Meltdown at Trader Joe's...

kz's_girlygirl

DH went back to work on Wednesday, and my mom has been staying with us.  Since we lost Jesse on Sunday, I haven't been grocery shopping in two weeks.  I thought it might be good to get out of the house and get some fresh air...and something for DH to eat.  Well, that was a terrible idea. 

Walking into the store I was fine.  Feeling fragile, but still like I could do it and make it out alive.  Then I saw a woman with a newborn in a carrier.  I was still ok, Mom and I just getting the things on the list.  I tried to just focus on what was directly in front of me. Then I saw a woman with a newborn in a car seat.  I decided it might be a good idea to just hurry up.

Then I saw a woman with a beautiful pregnant belly, and I dropped a jar of tomato sauce.  Of course it shattered and splattered my flip flop clad feet and the entire aisle.  I burst into tears.  An employee came over and told me it was no big deal, just a jar of sauce.  There was no recovering from that, so my mom and I just left the cart where it was and walked out. 

Dh thankfully came home early, and I was able to smirk about it as I told him I threw a jar of sauce at a pregnant woman. Tomorrow is only 1 week since Jesse died, and I'm not planning to leave the house again until at least Wednesday, when my mom leaves. 

How do you do it?!

jess123456

Big hugs to you. Those first few weeks and months are so so hard. I was afraid to leave the house because of the triggers too. Like you, I lost it while at the pharmacy and stormed off in an ugly cry. I do promise you that it will get easier to manage being out of the house but for now please be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't alone in your feelings. Those first few weeks I spent sitting on the couch watching hours of trashy movies and television shows on Netflix like Felicity and Dawson's Creek because I knew that they wouldn't have the triggers. My mom didn't understand why I did this but being outside in areas that I had no control over were just too hard. Sending you many hugs. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

bunnybun4

my heart breaks for you. 

I PROMISE you, little by little, things get easier.  I really found that for a LONG time every day was super hard but almost every week I could look back and see that things had gotten a little better.  I remember feeling like I would never be able to face people/the world again but slowly it happened.  Just be gentle with yourself.  You've just gone through something so devastating...it all takes time.  ((HIGS))

EcoStreet

I promise will get better with time. I stayed on the couch all day reading or watching TV. Going out was hard, whenever I saw a newborn I would divert and hurry away. I found a loss group at the hospital and that helped. It helped to see that other people went through the same thing. It might be a good idea for you to find a loss group. It is a little over a year for me and I do not attend the group anymore but in the beginning I had to meet these people.

 

Noethola

***Siggy warning****

One of my delivery nurses had lost a baby 30+ years ago. As I was preparing to leave she told me: "When you go grocery shopping for the first few weeks/months, go late at night. Mothers with little ones do not go out late." 

She was right. I didnt see any moms with little ones out late at night. I was a morning shopper, but I just switched it up to evenings after 7/8pm. 

The triggers are hard. Its best to ease in slowly. I remember being in my sister's restaurants months after losing Elsie and there was a family that brought in a little one. She started crying, and well...so did I. I had wanted so badly to hear her cry. I was bawling, just leaning on my DH. 

It will get easier, but you just never know what day it will hit you. 

VyD81

(((Hugs)))

mingaling2

{hugs}

It will get better. I have to hope it gets better. Love and prayers to you.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

The 2 toughest places for me to go after our loss was the grocery store and Target.  I started going to the grocery store early in the morning and didn't go to Target for almost a year (was good for the bank account at least).  When I would go grocery shopping, I'd bring headphones with me to block out not only babies crying but also the music that they played in the store (they played "My heart will go on" and some country song about finding out what gender the baby was at the u/s)  Having headphones on, I could control what I heard.  I was on the look out for babies and if I saw one, would book it to the other end of the store and work my way back.  Took 10 times longer to do anything but it got me through.  It does get easier over time but at first it's really rough.  Not going alone the first few times can also help because that other person can help distract you.  Shopping is one of those triggers you'd never think of and then you go......

PerkyErky

***siggy warning***

I am so sorry. Those first trips back out into the world where everyone seems fine and "normal" are so hard. As others have said, it does get easier.

I still can't go to Michael's or even into the shopping area it is located in. We bought the plain wooden box we buried our daughter in there. It's been almost 7 months.

Your loss is so new, be kind and gentle on yourself. Big big hugs. And noethola is right, moms with young children don't do a lot of things later in the evening. It's a "safe" time usually.

kz's_girlygirl

Thank you all for the tips. Shopping at night and using headphones are definitely things I'm going to try. I used to always shop later at night just because it wasn't as crowded, so it makes sense that it would be a good avoidance tactic.

Lots of hugs to everyone.

FitMamaInProgress

I'm so sorry. I sat down in the produce section at tj and started sobbing a day after my loss. It hurts- deeply and sometimes you can't control it...

cawettig

All the advice you got was wonderful. It still kills me 6.5 months after my loss. What helped me is advice I got from someone on here. They said to picture that pregnant lady or babies as their rainbow baby. Think of their baby as their rainbow after a horrible loss and that they deserve that rainbow just as we do.
Hugs your way I hope this advice helps you as it helped me.

kz's_girlygirl

cawettig said:

All the advice you got was wonderful. It still kills me 6.5 months after my loss. What helped me is advice I got from someone on here. They said to picture that pregnant lady or babies as their rainbow baby. Think of their baby as their rainbow after a horrible loss and that they deserve that rainbow just as we do. Hugs your way I hope this advice helps you as it helped me.

This is fantastic.  Thank you!  I try to tell myself that I don't know everyone's story, and there is no way for me to know what they have been through to get where they are.  This will help that thought even more. 

irons633

Hugs to you!! It's very hard especially in the first few weeks. When we lost our first baby boy last November I went to Target by myself and I totally lost it in the middle of the store because all around me were pregnant women and newborn babies.

With just loosing our daughter a week ago, I did venture out due to my mom being here with me and of course Target seems to have all the preggos and newborns inside. Me and my mom both got teary eyed when we would see them. It's very hard and the slightest thing will trigger you but you have to just give yourself time and know that it's okay to just loose it because it's what you need to heal.

weddedwife

I'm so sorry! I didn't leave the house at all for 3 weeks. When I did finally it was miserable. For months. Target is possibly the worst, avoid it at all costs. Amazon.com is your friend!

Huge hugs. I know how it feels.

irons633

weddedwife said:

I'm so sorry! I didn't leave the house at all for 3 weeks. When I did finally it was miserable. For months. Target is possibly the worst, avoid it at all costs. Amazon.com is your friend! Huge hugs. I know how it feels.

You are so right Target is truly for the birds!!