Parent Preference?

Toni79

So DD is usually more clingy to me during certain times of the day.  Like bedtime, she wants me close by even though DH is getting her ready for bed, etc.  I've always just thought it was because I BF before bed, and she was eager for it, and/or was worried if I left the room she wouldn't get to BF.  So I would usually stay close by.

DH understood that, and tried to not let it bother him.

But for the past week or so, its gotten really bad.  I mean really bad!  She'll ask for "dada" all day.  She'll look for him in the bedroom, etc.  She'll get excited when she hears the garage door open. She's excited when she sees him walk through the door.  BUT ... as soon as he approaches her, she flips out!   

I've been feeding DD dinner before DH gets home, so when he gets home she's almost done dinner.  He'll walk over to give her a kiss, and she screams and bats her arms all around.  He'll sit down at the table across from her, and she'll make a kiss face at him.  So, he'll get up and go to give her a kiss and she just screams and waves her arms.  This will cycle a few times.  She's giving very mixed signals.  I figured maybe she was trying to do the "all done" sign, so I clean her off and take her out of the highchair.  But even then she'll want me to hold her, and not DH.  She'll turn away from DH.  

Then its bath time.  Usually DH takes her up for the bath while I clean up her dinner mess.  But recently she flips out if I don't go upstairs with them - arching back, screaming, etc.  At first I would go up with them and still let DH undress her, etc.  And she was fine.  But after a few days of that, now she refuses to let DH undress her, and I have to do it.  Same for bath time.  I would just sit in there and keep them company while DH bathed her, but last night she started flipping out because I wasn't bathing her (and she LOVES baths).  So I ended up just doing most of it.

DH's feeling are super hurt by this.  At first he was just annoyed that I was "hovering", but now feels like DD "hates" him and DD won't let him do anything.

And I realized last night that I've probably made the situation worse - by keeping them company in the bath or just being in the same room while he gets her ready for bed.  Honestly I thought I was helping distract her.  But really she was working her cute toddler manipulation ... fuss to keep mommy in the room ... then fuss until mommy just takes over!

Not only that BUT I've been home with her now for almost 3 weeks (because I was furloughed due to the government shutdown) ... so I'm wondering if that has caused her to be more clingy to me?  Or maybe she's going through a clingy stage?  She goes back to the sitter's next week, so I'm hoping that will help things a little.  And I'm hoping it doesn't make it worse - worried that she might get more clingy to me because she "got used" to being home with me.  

Every Monday is Daddy / Daughter day (because I'm at work and DH has off).  Since I've been off they haven't had their time.  So as much as I don't want to go back to work, I'm hoping their Monday's together will help.

Anyone else deal with this?  Suggestions?     

AmySmolos

DD is the same way. I hope it passes too. If I'm nowhere around he seems to get over it quick but if I'm in the house it's a no go.

jillybean7582

When your DH gets home can you just leave the house entirely for an hour or two? My son gets this way sometimes because I am the one home with him the majority of the time. I have found though if I leave he will cry/fuss while I am putting my shoes on getting ready to leave and for maybe 5 mins after I am gone but then he forgets and has a blast with DH or grandma or whoever I leave him with. Usually when I come back he barely looks up from playing when I greet him!

Toni79

Thanks ladies. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Today was a little better. Dh watched dd while I slept in and showered. She was mad when I first left her sight (after a.m. BF). But was fine once she and dh got playing. Later she got upset when he left to pick up dinner. So I know that made him feel "wanted".

@jillybean - As far as leaving for a bit when dh gets home. Unfortunately that's not feasible during the work week. We both have 1+ hour commutes. I pick her up from the sitters about 5:30. Dh doesn't get home until 7. And I like her to be asleep by 8. Week days are rough for us and we're hoping to move closer to work next year. But dh has dd every Monday while I'm at work. So it nice they get that time together.

I just hope this phase passes quickly!

vic8504

DD is glued to me when I am home. When DH comes home from work and I try to give her to him she freaks...DH and I both work part time and I am sometimes only home 5mins before he gets home. If I had her off and just leave she will cry for a little bit but then is fine.
When we go out though she has to be with me or else! we have gone through this a couple times already so this too will pass.

lynde129

DS is like this but I think they are creatures of habit.  He is very clingy to me in the afternoon/ night time.  and around my work schedule on Sat/ Sun.  However I think DS knows that Sat night/ Sunday morning and Daddy and Nicholas time and favors him during that time.  Also my DH used to take DS to MIL every morning, so DS always wants Daddy in the morning before work, and always wants to leave with him.

RNbock2

Ds1- wants dh when it is play time, because he rough houses with him. But, he wants me at bed time, or if he's hurt/wants to whine.

ds2- wants me ALL the frakin time. I think partially due to the fact that I still nurse him. I am probably just one big giant boob to him.

RNbock2

However, Ds1 has bad separation anxiety, and cries when I leave. Ds2- just wants attention, from anyone, and then is happy. I don't know if it is a second child problem thing, or just his personality.

Toni79

Thanks!

PaisleyRuth

Ugh, my almost-3-year-old is still like this!  It's so frustrating.  I already have to do everything most of the time, but then even when DH is home and could help, the kids freak out & cling to me.

rMe6411

AmySmolos said:

DD is the same way. I hope it passes too. If I'm nowhere around he seems to get over it quick but if I'm in the house it's a no go.

This is how it is at our house too. DD tends to cling to me and often times will push DH away and come run to me. But they go on a nightly walk and most days he is home with her and says she never acts like that.