capture your grief day 18

lrichmond86

18. Release: What do you want to let go of on this journey of grief? Is it fear? Guilt? Worry? Deep sadness? Regrets?

lrichmond86

I thought after I got through a healthy pregnancy and had a healthy child this would stop, but it's only gotten worse.

Noethola

***pregnancy mentioned***

I think for me is fear and guilt. The guilt can come back in waves. Its so hard not to think there was something I did, or my body did, to betray her little life. I am terrified of it happening again with subsequent pregnancy.

When I found out this time I also tested positive for a genetic blood clotting disorder, pile the guilt back on. Even though research says the clots don't pass to the baby (if there are any), I cannot help but feel like something like that happened. I am thankful that I am able to take shots each day to give this pregnancy and myself a better chance.

mingaling2

Noethola said:

I think for me is fear and guilt. The guilt can come back in waves. Its so hard not to think there was something I did, or my body did, to betray her little life. I am terrified of it happening again with subsequent pregnancy.

This.  1000x this.  

bunnybun4

I don't have a picture for this (probably should be thankful for that )

Mine would definitely be anger.  For me anger has been the worst part.  I can handle days when I am really sad and I miss my daughter...those moments are almost bittersweet.  Days when I am just overwhelmed with anger are a different story...it is the WORST feeling in the world.  I hate being angry at people because they are being blessed with healthy families...I hate being angry at God because things haven't gone the way I envisioned them...I hate being angry at myself or DH just because I am angry at the world.  It can be such a dark place and I hate when I am stuck in that place. 

schulme2

Oh so many feelings I need to release. Every day is a struggle getting past the hopelessness, fear, regret, jealousy, anger and guilt. The two that are probably most prominent are anger and guilt. I find myself constantly getting angry thinking, "why us?"! I hate that none of these feelings were ever on my mind 5.5 months ago.

BrittianyM

18. Release:

Really I have many things to release but the main one that sticks out at me at the moment is Control. I always try to control everything when in realty, I don't have control over everything. There was no controlling if Brooke lived or died, even during pregnancy or even after she was born. All my worrying didn't do any good other than cause unnecessary stress. It also made me miss those precious little things or moments because I was to busy trying to control eveything. There are only so many things we as humans can control and the rest is up to God. I just got to place it all in his hands and trust.

TwinkleTor

Day 18. Release:

I want to release the anger I hold onto. I need to control it before it tears we apart. I have good days when I will miss Domenik but not be upset or even cry about it. I have happy thoughts and smile about him. But then I think about the jealousy, or all the what if's and I get angry. The anger brings the tears and I'll cry for hours. I've had this feeling before, and I accepted that there are things that I can not change. That's when the anger went away. I know I will get to that point again, but it won't happen tomorrow.

Sorry for the double post