You're going to poop on the table

Lindsay808

I just watched the last few episodes of last season's Grey's Anatomy (guilty pleasure and has gotten me through my sickness. Thank god for Netflix!) and laughed and rolled my eyes when Christine told Meredith that their friendship will never be the same after she sees her "give birth and then poop on the table." As a FTM, I am preparing myself for the worst for giving birth - even pooping on the table. I think I will just be happy to meet my little babe, that embarrassment will take a backseat. Anything other weird things I should be prepared for when giving birth?

amhah09

The whole thing is weird lol just be prepared for lots of swelling and blood and ugly.

thomas930

Pooping during birth is so common and normal that its really NBD and while I know I did it, I didn't even notice at the time. My DH wont even confirm if it happened (which means that it did) because he doesn't want me to be embarrassed (even though I don't care).

Also, I've heard,( can't say for sure since I haven't had an epi) some women who get the epi end up passing a lot of gas because they can't control it on the way out....I'd probably laugh that one off too. 

ksulli

Your lady parts will be massively swollen afterwards. Thank god a nurse told me that before I went to pee for the first time- I would have freaked out.

kwolslager

It's not a big deal if you poop, it's really common, they just clean it so fast and don't say anything you won't even know it happened.
I'm a c-section mama but with my first, before I had the emergency c, I was pushing for a long time and it wasn't until afterwards when I asked, did they tell me that, yes, I pooped.

LBStewart

hemorroids; fun stuff

mandiroo

Haha, after I had DD I told MH, "Hey! I didn't poop while pushing and I was so scared I would!" He just said, "Uhhhh, yeah you did. Just a little, the nurse cleaned it up real fast." Oh well, guess I'll just count on it happening again. I just remind myself I can't do anything they haven't seen before!

jlrschmidt

Everyone says that you don't even know it's happening, but let me tell you, I was aware every second that I was pooping lol. I didn't really care, because there was a lot else going on, but I was aware. Other than that, my husband was really scared at the "fountain of blood gushing" out of me after the baby was born. I really didn't have any idea that was happening. Also I broke a lot of blood vessels pushing so I looked all freckled after giving birth, but I'm told that's not really normal.

kwolslager

I think the grossest thing for me that first time, was when they broke my water. They stuck a long thin stick up me and parted the waters... It felt like sticking something in an orange, between all those packets of juice... It's a very strange sensation.
And then I stood up and it just gushed... And you know when you pee and you can start/stop it when you want? It's like taking the biggest pee of your life but you cannot stop it.

joyfullyfound

I pooped on the table. In the moment, I didn't realize it because I was caught up in the intensity of the final stages of labor and pushing, but thinking back later, I remember pooping and my midwife quickly wiping it away with a towel, haha. 

It sounds horrifyingly embarrassing, but most women do it, so doctors/nurses/midwives don't even give it a second thought. I feel nothing about it, except it's sort of funny... and I remember being really worried about it during my last pregnancy. These people are staring at the most intimate part of your body as you lay spread-eagled, with fluids and blood and newborn body parts coming out of your vag... A bit of poop is literally nothing compared to what they see every day. It is what it is... *shrug*

katiedidthat

I wasn't prepared for the feeling of my water breaking.  It was the most awkward feeling ever and I always assumed once it was broken, that was it, but no, it just keeps coming in gushes every time you move.  Its pretty strange.

NicoleAnne416

lol I didn't ask and wasn't told if I pooped on the table or not and I don't want to know. I'm one that is really private about that, so if I did, DH wouldn't say a word to me and pretend it never happened. I could care less if the nurse or Dr sees it, but please tell me they didn't ask my DH to look at the head or anything with poop around! He stays by my head until the dr or nurse says they can see the head, then looks. I personally say no way to a mirror or I'd never do it again! lol

mray1976

My doctor had a mirror down there so I could see everything that was going on. It's pretty freakin' gross, but it's amazing at the same time. I couldn't look after a certain point because it completely looks like you're going to be torn in half. Luckily, I had an epi, so it didn't feel that way! :-)

maelic

My aunt (a very distinguished Italian lady of 70) loves to tell the story of when she pooped on her OB's head while giving birth. She says it with a lot of pride and I hope to share some of that pride when it's my turn. 

figgs0831

maelic said:

My aunt (a very distinguished Italian lady of 70) loves to tell the story of when she pooped on her OB's head while giving birth. She says it with a lot of pride and I hope to share some of that pride when it's my turn. 

OMG....  I would have been horrified!

Rrrrrachel

I thought I was going to poop, but I didn't. I didn't swell that much either. I was sore but the aftermath was really not horrific at all.

mrscrcalli

Can I wish the baby out and it can slide down a rainbow into a cloud?

Cause all that sounds terrible!

smashton14th

jlrschmidt said:

Everyone says that you don't even know it's happening, but let me tell you, I was aware every second that I was pooping lol. I didn't really care, because there was a lot else going on, but I was aware. Other than that, my husband was really scared at the "fountain of blood gushing" out of me after the baby was born. I really didn't have any idea that was happening. Also I broke a lot of blood vessels pushing so I looked all freckled after giving birth, but I'm told that's not really normal.

I knew i pooped too! TMI: The nurse told me the wrong information of when i should push so i waited a loonnnggg time instead of just trusting my body. When i asked her to check me the head was right there. So everyone was to busy trying to get everything prepared for the baby. Well i couldn't hold in the urge to push so something else came out. My husband and Best friend were next to me though. It was embarrassing. That was an extreme situation and most likely won't happen to you.

Serenla

I also have been told to

mrscrcalli said:

Can I wish the baby out and it can slide down a rainbow into a cloud?

Cause all that sounds terrible!

Riding a unicorn.

b-ruth

I did not poop but if I had at the moment I don't think I would have cared. At that moment i was in pain and all i wanted was my baby out of me! I puked a bunch though... I had to take a break from pushing for that. Was not expecting that.

Holljade

I shook uncontrollably after birth and spiked a fever which kept me in the hosp for an extra day (bc I spike a fever DD also was born with a fever).

I wasn't prepared for that. It wasn't a huge deal, but the shaking did freak me out at the time.

nikki912

Giving birth in water is also not as beautiful as it sounds. The experience was amazing but the actual process was pretty disgusting. My water broke under water and it felt like the biggest queef in history, plus I could hear a pop sound. Then when pushing i definitely pooped and they fished it out with a fish net. I was embarrassed but at the same time didn't care. Also the sensation of being in water made me have pee through my entire labor. There was a lot of draining and refilling of the tub but probably not as much as it should have been.

kali55

@nikki912 would you do it again?  I'm trying to decide if I should fork over the money to rent a birth pool or not.  

BeeBee08

I, too, am going to spend the next six months believing that my baby is going to slide out of my vag on a rainbow, DH is going to stand by my head, and there will not be mirrors involved.  I told my midwife that under no circumstance was I going to watch birthing videos because whether I watch it or not, a baby is somehow coming out of me in April.  Oye, I'm relieved though to hear that the whole poop thing isn't too big of a deal, that was worrying me a bit.  ">

Rrrrrachel

Your husbands are going to see you in a different light. They're going to see you as Wonder Woman and think you're incredible for what you just did. Trust me, none of it is as gross in the moment as it seems right now.

thomas930

Rrrrrachel said:

Your husbands are going to see you in a different light. They're going to see you as Wonder Woman and think you're incredible for what you just did. Trust me, none of it is as gross in the moment as it seems right now.

Yep, my husband has seen it twice and had to help me shower after my first birth...it actually made him really appreciate me and what I'd done/gone through just to bring us our little one. 

SeattleMomma

I was drugged up and asked my ex if my butt looked like a califlower from the pushing. The thought of it now yuckieee

nikki912

@kali55
Absolutely. The water jets combined with hypnobirthing was a natural pain reliever and my son came out so calm and aware. I will definitely have a water birth again as long as I am complication free.

Teresa1896

I didn't poop on the table, but I did fart 2 huge man farts in my OB's face as he was cleaning up/stitching my episiotomy. He told me not to be embarrassed because it was out of my control. It was all that pushing during 4 hrs of labor!

But still.... I was mortified. I farted. In his face. Twice.

Serenla

poru said:

All the little things your are horrified about, like pooping on the table, and thousands of people looking between your legs, and then nurses grabbing your boobs rights and left.  None of those things ended up mattering.  All you think about is "am i holding baby right", "i love this crazy tiny thing in my arms," "is baby ok", "why are they doing additional tests," "breastfeeding isn't working well" etc.  Everyone has different birth/after birth experiences but the result is the same -- all you are thinking about is baby baby baby.

I have not experienced birth yet, but I kind of figured it was more like this

Sisimama10

Ooopsbaby14 said:

My CNM was positioning the mirror so I could see and I didn't want to. I had her adjust it where I couldn't see but she thought I could. I'm better off not knowing! I don't feel like I missed out anything by not seeing dd the seconds she emerged. I had no desire to my insides on the outside!

I didn't want to see it either! I was telling at the nurse to get rid of the mirror.

momofmanyinthemitten

Pooping on the table (multiple times) was nothing compared to being incontinent for several weeks after giving birth.

eireyes

I should not have read this at work... Between all the "rainbow births" and poop comments, I'm dying laughing right now, but trying not to make a whole bunch of noise.  The fact that all this is coming for me in April does not make it any less funny.  Clearly I have a sick sense of humor, but I figure that's part of the reason my DH loves me anyways :-)

pdilly2b

Rrrrrachel said:

I thought I was going to poop, but I didn't. I didn't swell that much either. I was sore but the aftermath was really not horrific at all.

This was me took. I felt my contractions in my rectum and was sure I had to go throughout labor, but nothing. I think I actually slowed my dilation because I was clenching despite trying not to because I was scared I was going to poo

sweetmelissa0707

I imagine, as others have said, my husband sees me in a different light. Seeing as how he has seen me cut open like a prize tuna and watched my son be pulled from me. At the time all I can remember telling him was, "look, look, is he okay, is the baby okay" I'm actually pretty proud of him, blood and guts are not his thing. I went on to VBAC my daughter, so there was poop, and all manner of crazy business and a third degree tear. Since we are now into # 3, I think it's safe to say he hasn't been scared off yet. He's often said the hardest part for him is watching me be in pain and not being able to do anything. Which, honestly, would really be the hardest thing for me, if our positions were reversed. Give your men some credit, they've been telling fart and poop jokes most of their lives, this is just the real deal!

rlmanning

Yep I pooped. Didnt know I did until my DH giggled and my exact comment was "I pooped didnt I". But the nurse cleaned it up quickly and if he wasnt looking down there at the time he would have never known. Bailey was crowning and he nurse told him to look at the next push and sure enough thats when I pooped.

 

Erikahenderson1

This thread.. is terrifying. Haha ohhh man.

sking72

SO and I agreed he does not go south of the border. He's a nurse, but he does not need to see me like that.

ksulli

sweetmelissa0707 said:

I imagine, as others have said, my husband sees me in a different light. Seeing as how he has seen me cut open like a prize tuna and watched my son be pulled from me. At the time all I can remember telling him was, "look, look, is he okay, is the baby okay" I'm actually pretty proud of him, blood and guts are not his thing.

My mom had 3 c-secs. Dad only watched the first one, during which he passed out. My mom was on the operating table going, "someone help my husband!" Your DH is a champ.

SuzieQu4u

smashton14th said:

Everyone says that you don't even know it's happening, but let me tell you, I was aware every second that I was pooping lol. I didn't really care, because there was a lot else going on, but I was aware. Other than that, my husband was really scared at the "fountain of blood gushing" out of me after the baby was born. I really didn't have any idea that was happening. Also I broke a lot of blood vessels pushing so I looked all freckled after giving birth, but I'm told that's not really normal.

I knew i pooped too! TMI: The nurse told me the wrong information of when i should push so i waited a loonnnggg time instead of just trusting my body. When i asked her to check me the head was right there. So everyone was to busy trying to get everything prepared for the baby. Well i couldn't hold in the urge to push so something else came out. My husband and Best friend were next to me though. It was embarrassing. That was an extreme situation and most likely won't happen to you.

Hahaha me too!! I knew that I pooped too and didn't even care!  

rtv3

dani+california said:

Ah! I shouldn't have read this. Haha...I do NOT want to see any of it so I will round-house kick any mirror away from my crotchal region. Also, DH has been informed that if he so much as STEPS one inch past my boobs I'm kicking him out of the room. TBH I don't even want him in there to begin with but that's mean (I know) so that was my compromise. I know this may all change once the time has come but for now, it's my one steadfast rule and I'm sticking to it!

This. So much this. I know it'll probably happen, I just don't want to see it or know about it. And DH is staying by my head on threat of death