I'm just getting so burned out. I figured that after 3 years we would be making progress and yet everyday feels the same and like they all just run into the next one. I'm tired of being screamed at from day to night, literally. Within minutes of waking up someone is screaming and DS2 has decided he doesn't want to nap anymore. Meaning from 1PM onward he's screaming, miserable, tantruming, exhausted and overtired. But, he won't sleep. No matter what I do. He's only sleeping 7-8 hours a night and he's waking DS1 up on and off. Meaning, I'm getting about 3-4 hours of broken sleep a night, DH too.
All day long I triage their needs. Today DS1 had to be late to school because DS2's PT session ran late. It's all about who's screaming louder, who needs to eat first, who wants me now, and someone is always losing out and losing it
I'm just so tired ladies. And so worn out and stressed out.
I weaned off Zoloft a few months ago and have been doing fine since. But a few weeks ago our house got the plague and ended with me getting strep and I just feel like I never recovered. I just don't see how anyone can do this would going insane (seriously).
I never get a break, between DS1 needing to go to and from school, DS2 refusing to nap, DS1 eating every 2 hours, DS2 eating on an opposite schedule because he has therapy sessions, trying to feed myself, taking care of the house, doing laundry I'm just losing. Something is always taking a back seat and no matter what it is, I'm screwed. If the dishes take a back seat there are no pots and pans to cook the kids meals, if the laundry takes a back seat DS1 has no school clothes, if the kids take a back seat someone is screaming at the top of their lungs.
It's so hard to accept that this is life and nothing is going to change. I don't ever get to enjoy my kids, everything is about therapy and just trying to keep myself alive, and them too. Even things that are supposed to be fun, never are because someone loses it. DS1 wants to walk everywhere but can't, DS2 is miserable being worn, or sitting in the stroller but he's 25 lbs and impossible to carry because he is like a sack of potatoes.
I just want a break. And sometimes I want a different life, where I can have conversations with my kids, where they say funny things, where they're not losing it because their bodies can't keep up, where I could put a sandwich in front of my kid and he could eat it on his own.
I have an appointment with the dr tomorrow to discuss different medications, maybe I should just ask for a sedative?
To my boys: I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew