BM is being unreasonable

pjmommy04

Hi everyone first I want to give a little intro as I mostly lurk and don't think I have says hello before. I am a mom to 9 yo twin girls and have been with my bf for over three years now, he has a 6 yo son. We are expecting in about two weeks 10/25 scheduled C (little girl!)
That is where BM is coming in as she is pissed because my bf wouldn't let her get his son back early this weekend as it's considered a holiday in our state and when it falls on his weekend we get him until Monday at 5. She claims that he is missing out on going to the movies with his friends today because bf is being selfish which is just her way of trying to make him feel bad, well she is never flexible with bf and always quotes the agreement every time it's in her favor, she doesn't like that he is finally doing the same. Btw I have lots of fun things planned for the kids today on this holiday, he is six he is not missing out he has two family's and that is how it goes.
What pisses me off though is now she threatened him and said if he doesn't let her have him we can't get him out of school early on the 25th! Are you kidding me we only told her out of respect that we plan on early release for all the kids around lunch time as we want them to be the absolute first to meet their sister! For her to go there is rude and now I have anxiety over it cause I just want the day to be smooth and don't need to deal with her. Sorry this got long for my first post!

twister22

Wow what a BSC bitch, and quite manipulative too. Is the 25th DS's day with SS? And do they have joint legal? If so then there's nothing BM can do about it. If not I'm not 100% sure on all the details, the other ladies on this board should be able to provide some insight.

SueBear

Is the 25th his day with DS?  If yes, it's not her call.  At the very worst, you would have to wait another 3 hours and have DS let out with the rest of school.

If the 25th is her day, then see if you can switch your C section for a day when it is bf's day.

pjmommy04

The 25th is our weekend, we get him on Thursday and he goes back on Sunday! It's not in the agreement to ask permission to take him out early or if he is sick to keep him home from school, it's just respectful to let her know and she should do the same. She actually kept him home "sick" last Thursday and then asked me to meet her earlier as she had to go into work. I of course did and after asking what was going on she said he felt hot (never took his temp) so kept him home. Thankfully he was fine and not sick but I never questioned her and was flexible meeting her early. This just tops the cake!

SueBear

Lesson learned: in the future, if it's something important, let her know DS left early after the fact.  Courtesy is not working for you. 

MommyEllenSue

I agree with Sue Bear! Courtesy is great but when you deal with someone like that it's not always a good thing.

In the mean time don't let BM run over you. Tell her No that you will follow the CO and then stop engaging with her. Then when the 25th comes around go ahead and do what you already had planned since it is your day. If she tries to engage in fighting about it just state we will follow the CO.

pjmommy04

All very good points thanks ladies! I look forward to being part of the board!

CFjo2010

Having been in (kinda) your position, I think a big contributing factor to issues you're having with BM right now is the upcoming birth of your child.  This new baby is going to be a blood sibling to your SS, and if BM doesn't have more children of her own she is probably feeling threatened.  Now there's going to be a baby over at Daddy's and your SS is going to be talking about the baby around BM a lot.  This is going to drive her nuts.  I'm not saying her behavior is justified, I'm just giving you a heads up.  When BM found out I was pregnant things got even worse with her.  When the baby was born and K wanted to be with us all the time, BM became even more BSC and unreasonable.

If the 25th is your SO's time and BM and SO have joint legal custody, there is nothing she can do other than cause a scene at school.  And mentally prepare yourself for a very rough few months until BM adjusts to the fact that SS has a new sibling.

BTW, congrats on the baby  

ambrvan

If the 25th is your BF's COed time then do what you want and worry about nothing else. She can't control what happens on your time. Just concentrate on being the stable parents he can count on not to flip out and make him feel guilty about living both sides of his family.