Introduction - looking for advice

[Deleted User]

I have been hanging around this board for the last few days and it doesn't look like intros are the norm, but I feel weird just posting away, so I thought I would give a little of my story and say hello.

I delivered my son on 10/09/2013 at 32 weeks 1 day. Obviously no one is ever prepared for this, but I did not have GD or pre-e or any "risk factors" going into it. In fact, when we went to the hospital early Monday morning, I thought I was being ridiculous and was doing nothing but making us tired for the work day ahead. I wasn't having painful contractions, just back pains. When they checked me I was already 5 cm. 

I was put on Magnesium and given the steroid shot, at that point the doctor told me to expect my baby within 12 hours but probably sooner. The Mag worked and we stopped the labor for the full 48 hours of steroids, however as soon they stopped the drug I started having mild contractions again. They checked my after about 4 hours and I was at 7 cm; two hours after that I was 9, all without what I would consider a "real" contraction. He was born at 11:46 that day at 4 lbs 6 oz, breathing on his own. 

I know I am blessed that he was born as big as he was and that he did not have to go on any kind of breathing support, but now we are a couple of days in to his NICU stay and I am struggling. He cannot keep his IV in, every time I am there they have had to change it to a different spot. When I called last night they told me that they put in a scalp IV. It just breaks my heart that he is having to go through all of this when he should still be inside me, safe and protected and developing the way babies should.   

I know my story isn't all that different than anyone on here, but I would like to know how people don't just go around crying all the time. That is all I seem to do - every time I think about him, see him for the first time, he cries in his isolet, or I leave I cry. I am trying to be strong and be joyful that he is here, but I can't seem to find that joy, its all just worry and guilt.

rkcaraway

Hey McHotts! Welcome. We are on same BMB. In my limited experience, you are normal. I want to and do cry often. Actually even more so at 3 weeks PP. My labor was almost identical to yours and I was shocked that my babies arrived at 27 weeks. My advice is to take one day at a time, ask as many questions as you need to, and try to avoid Dr.Google.
Also, check your NICU to see if you have a social worker. He/she can be helpful with guilt and anxiety issues. Lastly, feel free to pm me if you want to chat. Just post that you sent on since I'm mobile in hospital most days. Good luck!

alphaphi98

Your story is the same as mine. Last year I had DD at 32 wks and she only weighed 3 lbs 9 oz. No reason for her early arrival either. My water just broke. Despite trying to stop contractions with magnesium, she wanted out after 2 days. Luckily they gave me the steroid shots. My DD was strong and hated being attached to so many things in the the NICU too. Her IV was always moved around but never on her scalp. My DD never had any issues; basically a grower & feeder in the NICU. She spent 25 days there before we took her home. It took the longest time for her to learn how to eat from a bottle instead of gavage. Your son will get it too. Just takes time. I kept pumping the entire time and the nurses would feed her my milk. You should keep up with your pumping too. This is the difficult time right now, but you'll get through it. Babies are a lot stronger than we think. My DD just celebrated her 1st birthday last month. You can't even tell she was a preemie. They will catch up! I'm currently 21 wks pregnant with baby #2. Just hoping to go full term this time. Good luck to you and your DS. Keep us posted!

jbranden12

Welcome! Most people do intro but you don't see many since thankfully, not very many people have to join us here. We are all thrilled to have our babies but there is also emotional pain that comes with having a preemie which is totally normal. You are in the right place! I'm glad your son is doing well and hope he continues to progress. Please keep us updated and let us know if you have any questions!

NICUCentral

It's a rough journey, the NICU, that's for sure. It doesn't matter if your LO is big or small, micro preemie or just needing a few days. It's still incredibly difficult to have your LO separated from you.  You are not alone. I promise you, as a NICU nurse for 16 years, I've seen many many moms go through what you're going through. Here are a couple of posts you might enjoy to understand that you're not alone: 

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I understand that there often is very little you can do to feel joyful during this experience. But I can't stress enough the importance of trying to focus on the positive. Sure, there are lots of negatives. The list could go on and on. But so, too, could the list of positives. Focus your energy there. Celebrate your LO. And give your attention to becoming an attached, involved, wonderful mom.

LINK REMOVED BY MOD FOR TOU VIOLATION: SPAM, do lots of kangaroo care if you can, sing to your LO (who cares what the nurses think - we hear it all the time and love parents who are bonding with their baby!), read aloud to your LO... find positives (weight gain? a good feeding? maintaining own temperature?) and fiercely attend to them. 

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Good luck, may this be a very short stay with all good days ahead of you!

[Deleted User]

Thank you all for your comments and support. Owen was able to keep his scalp iv for 24 hours and when it came out they decided to see how he does without one. He also got off his bili lights today, and I was able to do lots of kangaroo time and even tries breastfeeding twice. I really do appreciate all the helpful kind words as we start this journey.

staceymack

Hello and congratulations!

Just reading your story brings back memories and tears. My girls are 2 months old today. They were born at 33w 4d. One of them had to have a scalp IV after blowing all her others. Like you, I completely lost it when I saw it. You know what, it I'd ok to feel that way. It is ok to cry! The worry and guilt is normal. Just take it day by day. If you have an opportunity, take advantage of any family support groups, luncheons, meetings. Connecting with others in your situation will help a lot!

jcsntms06

Congratulations on the birth of your son. Sounds like you have a feisty fighter on your hands.

Your feelings are totally normal. Take it one day at a time. Definitely connecting with others who have been in the NICU will help. Talking with friends, loved ones helped me too.

Praying that your LO is home soon. Please keep us update.

Cst2CstBride

NICUCentral said:

I understand that there often is very little you can do to feel joyful during this experience. But I can't stress enough the importance of trying to focus on the positive. Sure, there are lots of negatives. The list could go on and on. But so, too, could the list of positives. Focus your energy there. Celebrate your LO. And give your attention to becoming an attached, involved, wonderful mom.

Ugh.  I'm sure that you mean well, but unless you have given birth to an early baby and actually lived through the trauma, you cannot possibly understand what it is like. It would be like telling someone with burns over 20% of their body to ignore the extreme pain on that 20% and focus on the 80% that isn't burnt. No. It doesn't work that way.  And being a NICU RN isn't the same as being a NICU mom. (I say this as an Oncology SWr- I can help families through a cancer dx, but I have no idea what it feels like to be diagnosed) There is grief and loss associated with early births and those feelings need to be felt and processed in order to move forward. People get to feel what they feel and process this situation in whatever way they need in order to heal from it. Telling someone what to and not to feel is not helpful. 

OP I cried for most of the first week when dd was born unexpectedly at 27 weeks.  I did have pre-e but I was dx an hour before she was born, so I didn't have any awareness that there was a problem.  I gradually noticed that I started to cry less and less and then I wouldn't cry more of the day than I would cry.  Next, I would only cry a few times a day, and then I wouldn't cry every day.  Eventually I would have more days where I didn't cry than those I did.  Please take care of yourself and process this however you need to. I think people often overlook the loss of expectations that is a real emotional loss.  Most of us had planned how we thought the last trimester would go and what delivery and bonding would be like.  When it changes without any time for you to prepare, it takes a while to "get over" that. It is totally normal and I haven't met a preemie mom who hasn't had those feelings. 

I'm glad that LO is doing better and that you are getting to do STS.  That always made a big difference for me. Take good care of yourself and I hope your NICU stay is uneventful. 

rslhmg

What you're feeling is totally normal. I was induced at 32 wks due to a sudden onset of hellp syndrome. It came on too fast and with no warning, leaving us no options to keep dd cooking longer. I was in zombie mode for the majority of her 2 month nicu stay. I do remember the day I went in to see her and she had a scalp iv being one of the first times I cried. It was terrifying, but as a pp said its usually the most stable place for an iv. Its ok to cry, its ok to get angry, it is ok to feel anything you're feeling. I do second the recommendations to talk with your ob and possibly a therapist about them at some point though, this is a traumatic thing you're going through, and when you're ready talking to someone helps with coping.