How do you cope and not fall apart?

JGior1031

I am just about at the end of my rope already and I still have a long road ahead. I had my preemie twins on 9/16/13 at 33 weeks. My daughter came home Wednesday after 23 days in the SCN and my son is still at the SCN until at least sometime next week. I feel like a terrible mother. I am trying to adjust to having a preemie at home, feeding, scheduling and of course no sleep plus getting to the hospital at least once a day to be with my son. Today I only got to spend 30 min with my son bc I had to have a blood transfusion and then went to the hospital. My husband was home with our daughter and as soon as I picked up my son to snuggle him, my husband called and needed me home to help him. I feel like I'm not being a good mom to my son and I feel horrible leaving my daughter at home. I just want to cry every moment of every day and I am trying so hard to be strong and keep it together but I just don't know how much longer I can do it. I do have help from my husband, mom and mother in law. Unfortunately my husband wants his mother here and I want mine and we can't have both bc they don't get along and just cause me nothing but stress. And honestly I can't stand having my mother in law around. She is awful, overbearing, pushy, mean and just a pain in my ass!!!! I just don't know where to turn and no one in my life understand how I feel or what this is like.

ashleymarie512

My daughter was born at 30w and we just came home after a nine week NICU stay and there were days that my husband and I were at the end of our rope too. I can't imagine doing it with another child, let alone a preemie, at home. I don't have any advice regarding that, but just wanted to say that I'm sending thoughts for a short stay and strength for you and your family. My husband and I luckily had our breakdowns on different days so we were strong for each other, but it was still hard. I went back to work while she was in the hospital so between working full time, taking care of the house and going back and forth between to the hospital, I was absolutely drained. Being around family and friends and staying busy helped me, but my husband preferred to be alone. Do whatever works for you and try to take care of you too. Sending thoughts your way...

aliwisewoman

I'm sorry. I think we all go through it to some degree. Just keep reminding yourself that you are doing a good job, that you are doing the best you can. I have a 4 year old and 2 year old at home, one twin is at the hospital we delivered at and should be coming home in the next few days (if we can kick this cold!!! Ugh!), and the other twin at a hospital an hour away because he has intestinal failure. I'm saying this because I also went through about 2 weeks where I thought I couldn't take one more day of this! And here we are! LOL The best advice could give is: Don't allow yourself to come up too high with the good days or go down too low with the bad. Try to just keep yourself as even as possible, to get through this.

KatFCo

I'm sorry; it sounds like you've got a lot going on.

Why did your husband need you to come home and help him? Is he helping out around the house? If he isn't, he needs to be.

Right now, you guys need the person who will be the most helpful. Does he know you and his mom don't get along? Maybe you can compromise and she can visit after both babies are home and healthy.

staceymack

Sometimes we all get to a point where we do fall apart for a little while, I think. It's ok to cry, have a meltdown in the car or whatever. We pull ourselves back together again because our children need us. You are doing your best. Your children love you for being their mommy. Stay strong! You will get through this!