Yay, It's a girl.. 23wks u/s.....but DH behavior a bit different :(

firstkid

Heya! So we found out its a girl. It's not a surprise thought since our doc kinda hinted at 18wks. Anyways, I am neither excited nor saddened by the gender 'cuz for me finding out and experiencing pregnancy is such a big thing and all I wanna have is a super healthy cute baby !! But as of my dear husband, I am not sure if its the sense of responsibility that a female child brings - or if he wanted a boy ( I kinda know he would have been on cloud 9 if it were a boy (for sure)) - anxiety - feeling left out now that it would be a 2 female ton1 male house. He's irritated, picking on me for every little thing.... I don't have to think about all this while I just want to enjoy the sense of being a mom to a lil angel. It makes me weep...thought I'd give him some space n time but its just so hard. ( he was even asking the doc if he can do anything to have a male child the nxt time.)

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Soap1

Gender disappointment is real, it happens to both mothers and fathers.  If he's struggling, try to have an open dialogue with him about it.  Try to avoid being accusatory or defensive.  Just let him be honest about the way he's feeling.

Once he can own his feelings, he can have more control over the way he deals with them.  I won't lie - I struggled (and still kind of struggle!) with some gender disappointment finding out this is my 3rd boy, but I can either deal with it in a healthy way (get excited about nursery! pick a name!) or unhealthy (blame DH. get depressed. resent the baby).

If he struggles to deal with his disappointment in a healthy way, suggest counseling.

rowanthefrog

I'm sorry he's feeling a disappointed. I know that must be hard on you and he shouldn't be taking it out on you. Give him some time. I'm sure the minute he holds his daughter he will fall in love. 

A

mamato3girls

My hubby was disappointed when we found out with each of our kids (all girls).  Actually more so with our first and third.  I think for our second he was kind of hoping for a girl.  But he got over it pretty quickly when we started talking names and shopping for clothes and things.  I don't know how he will feel if #4 is another girl but I know he will get over it if he's upset.  Just give your hubby some time and he'll come around. 

Whisperscloset

yes, he will come around...i mean men have expectations just as women, but in the end, seeing that baby will be the greatest thing that ever hit him, and next you will be on here asking why is he so darn overprotective...lol...be blessed, and congrats....im having my 4th girl....i am excited...i have one boy , oh, and im grateful she;s healthy..let me not forget...good luck, but he will be okay.

beccam1230

Congratulations! A little girl is so exciting :-) we found out we were having a boy, and my husband was happier than I think I've ever seen him. We got to talking about it later and he said he would have been just as happy with a baby girl, but I don't think he would have been. He had talked about having a son for years and everything he wanted to teach his son. I just feel like if it was a girl, he would have been disappointed, he never talked about having a girl, like I did. I'm like you, I just want a healthy baby! It just happened to have worked out that he got his preference. Your husband should come around! I think initial disappointment is pretty common when another gender is hoped for. If he remains stubborn for awhile, as soon as he holds his beautiful daughter, he'll be ok!

Shobb414

Sorry he is so disappointed, CONgRATS on your baby girl

we find out one week from today and I am very worried that dh will act the same way.
I'm not sure what's up with him the last few weeks but he is already crabby and picking at me for nothing so this would only make it worse. I simply want a happy healthy baby, doesn't matter the gender!!

AKPuffin

I'm going to agree with PP and suggest you talk to him an do a lot of listening. Girls can do the same things as boys! I'm hoping my DH will teach our girl about the things he loves to include planes and target shooting!

katie.725

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

You seriously should have gotten some help before having a child.  

Still debating if this is MUD or not

amberrrjade

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

katie.725

@SweetHeartSparkles

amberrrjade

@sweetheartsparkles

As a women and about to birth a girl AND you also being a women (I think) the fact you thought and typed this sentence "Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact." makes my head spin! Literally spin! Yes, in the past women were looked down upon but the world has come a long way. Obviously, you've missed all of that being an idiot. Pull your head out of your ass and educate yourself. You're probably one of the reasons SOME men still look down upon women because they think we're "stupid."

But kudos for future thoughts of giving away your daughter, hopefully she'll go to a loving family who aren't a bunch of sexist dipshits!

ETA: angry grammatical typos

katie.725

Its about to get 

up in here...

Kfran84

Oh, wow.

McJen715

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

[Deleted User]

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katie.725

stlucia_wife said:

@SweetHeartSparkles

Yes please do!!!!! When I "meet" people like you I wonder why my son was taken away! You just make me sick!!!

Makes me wonder how people can be so heartless...

amberrrjade

stlucia_wife said:

@SweetHeartSparkles

Yes please do!!!!! When I "meet" people like you I wonder why my son was taken away! You just make me sick!!!

Awe, baby, I want to hug you. (and punch her in her vag)

MrsCCParra

stlucia_wife said:

@SweetHeartSparkles

Yes please do!!!!! When I "meet" people like you I wonder why my son was taken away! You just make me sick!!!

She makes sick too! Sorry @StLucia_wife..big hugs to you!

Meery82

Oh boy. There is a whack job amongst us.

Meery82

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

@washingtonqueen: tell this bitch what's up.

LoveOfMikesLife

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

FUCK YOU!!!! It's awesome knowing that my first, a daughter, was stillborn and there are pieces of shit out there that treat a child like a pair of old underwear!

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RavenandJosh

I have 2 thoughts for you @SweetHeartSparkles : 
 1:  GET A F***'n COUNSELOR!!! 
 2:  I called my local vet, they have an appointment set up TODAY for you to get your ass fixed!!!    The cost is on me!

SOrry for all the grammer and bump name mishaps, mobile bump is just as pissed as i am!!

Maimes10

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

You fucking disgust me.  I'm glad the N13 posse has put you in your place, but I'm going  add my 2 cents in case the message hasn't gotten through yet.  I have never referenced someones children on this forum but I sincerly pray that your boys are able to gain their perspective and view of women from someone other than their severly damaged mother.  Playing the abuse card is a cop out.  Strong people overcome the devastation that their abuse caused them and would NEVER subject others to like treatment.  It's people like you that continue the cycle of  abuse that is so common rather than having the courage and strength to break it.   

McJen715

SweetHeartSparkles said:

I hate to say it, but me and the father were scared to death of having a girl. We are having our second boy thank god. I may have put a girl up for adoption. And befor your judge me on that- think about this- I would have carried a girl ful term and given birth to a healthy child- and given to a family who wanted it. That is better than abortion or the practice of killing/discarding babies girls that is found in MANY other cultures and countries. Its sad and sick but true. Girls are just not as valued as boys are- they never have been. Its historical fact.

But if you are happy then congrats to you- someone has to raise girls or the human race wouldn't be.

this is an opinion from a woman who was raised by an abusive and overly controlling mother, who to this day tells me directly how much she hates me.

And I will add in honesty:

As the mother of boys it is your responsibility to raise them to be good men. To respect all people, no matter their sex. I fear if raised by a mother who truly believes women are inferior they will learn to live by that sexist shit.

Truly you need to seek help for issues obviously created by your mother. I am damn proud to be bringing my second girl into this world. That I get the opportunity to raise them to be strong, independent women. That I can show them by example that being a woman does not make them inferior to any man.

amberrrjade

SweetHeartSparkles said:

Wow- to all you women that replies so aggressively to my post- you do know that I am entitled to my opinion right? Good job at acting like total freaks.

 

Maimes10

SweetHeartSparkles said:

Wow- to all you women that replies so aggressively to my post- you do know that I am entitled to my opinion right? Good job at acting like total freaks.

 

Hey grammer-nazi,@CFox you want to take this one or shall I?

katie.725

SweetHeartSparkles said:

also for those of you who must be confused- I did not put you down for having girls. In fact I did say congrats. Do not make stuff up or get offended by what I didn't say.

So that makes every other horrible word out of your mouth ok??

alexisjo88

SweetHeartSparkles said:

Wow- to all you women that replies so aggressively to my post- you do know that I am entitled to my opinion right? Good job at acting like total freaks.

 

Sure we know, and we have the right to point out that you are wrong! I'd expect anyone to inform me of errors, sorry you are too close-minded to accept that.

Meery82

Blah, she's too stupid for an entertaining argument. No fun.

Winnieella

SweetHeartSparkles said:

also for those of you who must be confused- I did not put you down for having girls. In fact I did say congrats. Do not make stuff up or get offended by what I didn't say.

1. You are wrong and offensive

2. We are allowed to point out when your are being wrong and offensive

3. Girls are not a weaker sex

4. I would love for you to go away...or at least go find Tim. 

amberrrjade

MrsJWoodJr said:

SweetHeartSparkles said:

also for those of you who must be confused- I did not put you down for having girls. In fact I did say congrats. Do not make stuff up or get offended by what I didn't say.

1. You are wrong and offensive

2. We are allowed to point out when your are being wrong and offensive

3. Girls are not a weaker sex

4. I would love for you to go away...or at least go find Tim. 

OMG wouldn't it be crazy if this was Jess???

Winnieella

CFox815 said:

amberrrjade said:

MrsJWoodJr said:

SweetHeartSparkles said:

also for those of you who must be confused- I did not put you down for having girls. In fact I did say congrats. Do not make stuff up or get offended by what I didn't say.

1. You are wrong and offensive

2. We are allowed to point out when your are being wrong and offensive

3. Girls are not a weaker sex

4. I would love for you to go away...or at least go find Tim. 

OMG wouldn't it be crazy if this was Jess???

Jess was a better writer. 

I'm going with the thought process that Tim has more than one Jess and this is one of his other side girls. 

rockopera

I think your husband should take away your internet access. He needs to keep his woman in line a little better than he is right now.

Winnieella

Or go here (https://pregnant.thebump.com/extras/the-bump-community-extras/articles/community-rules.aspx) and look at The Bumps TOS.

Lolasky

@sweetheartsparkles how dare you tell me my baby is inferior or 'lesser' just because she's a girl!?

I have so much love for my unborn daughter than you will ever experience in your life. You're pathetic and a sorry excuse for a human. Just the thought of being a mother to a possible look alike or a tiny human version of myself is enough for me to endure whatever kind of pain pregnancy or labor brings.

Like other pps have said, I really hope your sons are taught to be respectful of all sexes and not sexist like their sick mother. It's one thing to be a little disappointed about having a girl or boy but completely another to talk about any child (boy or girl) the way you have. Please get off TB and seek psychiatric help ASAP.

legallyginger

It would be amusing to watch you justify this attitude to your future daughters in law. That is, if your boys end up with attitudes that actually let them maintain a long term relationship.

Even more amusing would be, God forbid, if you had a girl and gave her up for adoption and she found you as an adult. Sorry! Didn't think you were worth my time or love, you were a disappointment from the womb!

Winnieella

SweetHeartSparkles said:

also I am sure that I may get banned- but I am sure of few of you will too- since you all decided to attack me for my own opinions in such an aggressive way without true provocation from me.

 

If you are flagging people to get them banned, that will just get you banned faster.

beccam1230

I'm pretty sure every other post sums this up, but you're a moron. Nobody gives a crap about your ridiculous opinion and basically anything else you might say in "self defense" will not be taken seriously. Stop trying. I'm glad you're not having a girl because honestly, you don't deserve one and if you can manage, try to refrain from passing on your sexist views to your boys. I would honestly be shocked if you didn't get punched in the throat for making yet another insanely stupid comment one day. Go away.