Scared of what my husband will think...

kjojola

I am currently 14 weeks postpartum, and I think there is something wrong with me. I was prepared for the hormones after birth and during pregnancy, but now they are getting a little out of control and as much as I hate to admit it, I need help. I have dealt with depression in the past, I have also dealt with being a drug addict. Now I have been clean four and a half years, and I haven't taken anything for depression since I was 15. My life is close to perfect, very loving hard working husband, beautiful healthy baby girl, enough money, nice house, car etc. and somehow I still feel like I am worthless, stupid, a bad parent, ugly, fat, angry, irrational, you name it, I feel it. The worst of all, I can't control these feelings. One second I am almost a little too happy and the next second I am over thinking some stupid comment someone made and crying about it. If anyone asks me what's wrong, I lash out and then crawl back into my hole of misery and shut everyone out. I feel like something has invaded my body and my head and I can't do anything about it. I have anxious thoughts about someone trying to hurt my daughter, and what I would do if that happened. I lose sleep at night worrying about someone breaking in. I way over think things, and I am finding it hard to make decisions because I am so afraid I will make the wrong one. I can't motivate my self to do the things I love to do so most of the time I just don't do anything at all except what I have to. I go to the gym everyday and obsess over the fact that I am not seeing any results and I feel very paranoid as though everyone is watching and judging my every mood. Worst of all, my husband is like the most put together person you would ever meet in your life, and when I go to the doctor (because as much as he thinks I don't need to, I do) if she prescribes an anti depressant of some kind, I am afraid he is going to think that I am some kind of flake. Am I a flake? My mother and grandmother both had low thyroid issues, and I am wondering if anyone here has any experience or advice for my situation... I am BFing and don't really want to go on medication but I feel like that is what I need in order to live normally again.

ashrez10

Hi, it's so good that you are recognizing that there is indeed a problem at hand. I applaud you for wanting help. Please know you are not the only woman who suffers like this after birth. Know that there are medications that are safe to take while BF and that your obgyn would be able to guide you to the safest one. I hope you seek the help from a doctor and get on the path to enjoying your baby, you deserve it!

T+Schultz4

It sounds like you have overcome great obstacles and have a wonderful life. Depression is a disease and can affect anyone. You are not alone. You are a strong, great mom to recongnize this. You deserve to live the life you want. Talk to a doctor and get on your medication. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your husband beforehand, go to te doctor first. Thy might be able to help you put this into terms you husband will understand. He loves you and will support you, he just may not be that educated with depression or even know the symptoms to know you have depression right now. You are doing the right thing for you and your baby. Best of luck:)

kjojola

Update: Thank all of you ladies for your answers and support! I did go to the doctor, and she put me on a low dose of anti anxiety meds which have made absolute mountains of difference. She also helped explain things to my husband in a way better way than I ever could, and she also helped explain to me what I was going through. Life is definitely more manageable now