Irritating and infuriating mother in law

TashaMoyer

Hello all,

I was wondering if anyone had any MIL advice. My MIL is one of the most frustrating people I have ever had to deal with and I worked in restaurants and retail for many years so I have seen my share of frustrating. She is very judgmental, opinionated and self-centered. Her basic thoughts are that if it isn't her way or she doesn't understand it then it is wrong and she needs to tell you so. She has absolutely no ability to bite her tongue and keep things to her self; what she thinks is what she communicates in some form or another.  When she doesn't get her way she throws adult tantrums and pouts. She is also a manipulator and guilt tripper. She also thinks that she does no wrong. If you call her out on something she manages to twist it around so that in her mind it was your fault. She has been this way since long before my husband and I were married. She and I started out on the wrong foot due to these issues and despite my attempts and giving her more chances to prove that she is not always this way, she has yet to prove that she isn't. When it was just the husband and I it was frustrating but oh well we are adults we brush it off and go on. Now that we have a baby (he's three months old) it is different. The latest issue over asking her to be vaccinated for pertussis since she wanted to spend so much time with him has resulted in a falling out between her and us. (And no she doesn't have any fundamental belief against vaccinations, she just believes that well why should she get one, she could never possibly catch anything or be the cause of anything bad!) More than a month later she finally calls and my husband is ready to have a sit down with her and call a truce, we think she is agreeable based on her reaching out. So last night we sent a picture of the baby to her and her response was purely snarky and hateful about  the content of the photo. I just am at a loss for what to do about her. I know that my husband wants to have a relationship with her and wants our son to have a relationship with her too but she is making it very difficult to do because she just has no respect for us. Anyone have any suggestions or advice?

pantsarella

I agree to having a conversation with her. Just focus on the fact that the things she says are hurtful to you. My MIL frequently says some hurtful things to/about me as well so I know how you feel. I'm constantly compared to my SIL, who always does everything right (because it's the way my MIL would do it). 

My DH had a long, hard conversation with both his parents about the things they say to him as well as me and how they were hurtful and made him distance himself from them. Now my MIL makes far fewer comments and I can tell she actually words things she says carefully in an effort not to offend me. That talk was the best thing that happened to DH and my relationship with his parents. 

TashaMoyer

MiracleBByE,

 

It sounds like your MIL is very much like mine. She liked the sound of me but upon meeting and getting to know me a bit was disappointed to find out that I shared beliefs with my husband which are in direct opposition to hers which messed up her plans to have a DIL that would be her best pal and take her side.  My husband has had talks with her in the past that usually resulted in either nothing changing or a huge fallout. While I'm not against a family talk, I fear cutting her out of our lives may be the only thing that works. I just hate it for my husband because I know it hurts him.

Thanks for sharing!

CaliforniaDream87

You ignore her. She has no control over what you do with your child. If your husband has an issue with how you're dealing with it, you tell him to grow some balls and deal with his mother.

End of story.