EPing and not producing enough milk for twins..when to give up?

Jess63085

My twins were born at 35 weeks and are now 5 weeks old. For the first 2 weeks, I tried breastfeeding them, and because they were so small, I had to supplement with formula. My daughter never really got the hang of BFing, she was burning more calories trying to get latched on than she was taking in. So I started BFing them, then pumping afterwards, while still supplementing with formula. The lactation consultant came to my room every day while we were in the hospital, and I went to see one when they were almost 2 weeks old. She weighed them, had me nurse them, then weighed them again. After nursing for 45 minutes, my daughter had only gotten an ounce and my son half an ounce. After a lot of consideration (and tears and guilt), I decided to stop BFing and just pump and give them my breast milk in a bottle, followed by formula. We have been doing that ever since, and they are both gaining weight and thriving. However, I am pumping every 3 hours, and only getting 2 ounces total each time, which I then split between them for the next feeding. Then they are getting 3 ounces of formula to complete the feeding. So really, I feel like I am supplementing breast milk instead of formula. I am taking Fenugreek (2 pills 3 times a day) which has helped me to consistently pump 2 oz each time, but I can't seem to get my supply up more than that. It has gotten to the point where I hate pumping. My boobs hurt, I can't leave the house for long periods of time because I have to pump, and I feel like I am missing out on bonding time with them. I have to feed them, then immediately lay them down so I can pump. I don't get time to just hold them and cuddle them. This was one of the main reasons I decided to stop BFing and go to pumping. It was taking me 2.5 hours to get through a feeding, and I was miserable. I haven't gotten to that point yet with EPing, but I can see it getting there eventually. However, I just feel so guilty about wanting to quit and not giving them any breast milk whatsoever. My family and husband will support me no matter what I decide. I will be going back to work in December, and I just don't see it being worth it to have to clock out and pump every 3 hours just for 2 oz. The lactation consultant recommended renting a hospital pump (which we can't afford) or getting a prescription for Reglan (I have a family history of depression, and I don't want to risk it). Should I give up on EPing and just give them all formula? I am leaning towards this, and will be talking to my OB at my 6 week PP visit next week about how to go about stopping and drying my milk up should I ultimately decide to stop. I don't want to be miserable and exhausted just for them to get an ounce of breast milk per feeding. I also don't want my maternity leave to go by and I haven't had a chance to bond and play with them. I know Happy Mom= Happy Baby, but how can I stop feeling so guilty about stopping? 

mommabmb

Do what makes you happy! No guilt is justified when you're feeding your child.

That being said, I also pump and supplement (no bf) and I understand your pain. It's not twins, but same scenario. There are some things I do that have made it easier on me, if you decide to keep pumping.

Firstly, I use a hands free pumping bra. That let's me feed him a bottle WHILE pumping, which saves a lot of time.

Secondly, I use my pump with a car adapter or battery pack so that I can leave the house and just sit in the backseat for a few minutes. This means I just need 10-20 mins and I can be on my way.

You could also consider pumping several times and combining into one bottle. It is very rewarding to me when I can give him one whole bottle as opposed to a few ounces here and there.

Do what feels right for you, without guilt. I hope you find some peace with your decision soon.

CutieBean79

I pumped with my first daughter and was absolutely miserable. It sounds like you are getting there too. I would not hesitate one more minute to stop. Your twins will still be well nourished (yes, breast is best but formula is good too). Take the time you were using to pump to cuddle and bond with your babies. That should help with the guilt. Also, google Fearless Formula Feeder. There are a ton of inspirational stories on there. This should be a happy time, not one that you spend doing something you hate eight times a day.

OntheWater

Thank you....I sit here in tears because I fear my bf'ing days may be over after only 2 months and feeling extreme guilt that I don't think I can EP again the way I did for DD1. You girls made me have a bit more of an optimistic outlook.

thedash

I pumped and supplemented for my first. I only had one baby and no other kids but I could only keep it up for a few months. I remember coming home from work late, hungry, and exhausted and going straight to the pump while DH played with the baby. I cried and told DH I was done. Do whatever is best for your emotional and physical health right now so you can continue to be an amazing mommy to all your LOs!

NKF312

Have you talked to your pediatrician ? My LC was really tryi g everything with me too and I was exhausted and baby still wasn't getting enough , for me it really helped to hear my pediatrician say " you've really tried and its ok to stop" he also recommended I pick a goal date in the near future and say I'm giving it til next Friday , if it till isn't working I will stop, and not bet myself up over it. Good luck , and enjoy your twins

hungryhippo

That was my complaint, too, OP. I am EP, and felt like I was hurrying cuddle time to pump. Pumping isn't easy. I finally decided it wasn't for me anymore, and I started weaning. Currently, I am 8 houses between pumps, and I'm much happier. I still have guilt that I'm quitting, but the time I spend with my DD is worth more to me.

This almost exactly. It hasn't been a linear process for me to decide to stop, but I have reduced pumping and DS is refusing to BF often enough that I know my supply will be gone soon. He will be 4 weeks on Thursday. I never did manage to produce more than about 25% of his daily need. Meanwhile, everyone else was spending time with him but me. If I had another person around 24/7 I could probably stick with it, but they would have to do everything else so I could just keep up with the feeding and pumping schedule. I never even had time to pour a glass of water and take my fenugreek 3 times a day. The Fearless Formula Feeder blog has been helpful for me too. I'm not guilt free, but I know in my heart DS is thriving on formula and I'm a better mom than I could be when I was stuck to the pump all day long.

Jess63085

I did talk to the pediatrician about the issue. He said yes, breast is best, but babies do just fine on formula too and you are not a bad mom if you decide to go all formula. His saying that was really what made me give myself permission to stop BFing and just try pumping. I went on the Fearless Formula Feeder site this morning, and it is making me feel a lot better and more at peace should I decide to stop. It really helps to know there are other people out there who had the same problems/feelings I have. Everyone kept telling me you can make enough milk you just need to keep trying. I kept wanting to say, but what if I can't? Some people just can't make their bodies produce enough for one baby, let alone two. They are only getting 25% breast milk a day, and I am sure the formula is responsible for their impressive weight gain. Thank you ladies for the support and advice! 

thedash

If you want to stick it out for a little longer here are the things that helped my supply when I was EP'ing: change your flange size, make sure you are really warm while pumping (I wore a robe and fuzzy socks), read or watch TV to get your mind off the pump and relax your body to encourage letdown, try the lowest suction level for 10-15 minutes, eat tons of oatmeal. I increased my output by several ounces per day when I ate two packets of instant oatmeal.

Don't feel bad about whatever you decide. I just wanted to share some things that helped me.

iHeartVan

My story is similar to yours, except you stuck it out way longer than me. My son was in the NICU for 9 days. While in the NICU, they limited how many times I could attempt to breastfeed due to the fact that he was burning too much of his energy and bloodsugars trying. I just wanted him healthy, so I gave up and exclusively pumped. At home, I continued for about 3 weeks. I wasn't producing enough to keep up with him and I was miserable. I felt like all I was doing was pumping. My son was very colicky as well and it was just way too much stress for me.

I started to exclusively ff and I do not regret my decision at all. Of course I know breast is best, but I know I saved some of my sanity deciding to ff. My son is thriving on formula. 5.8 lbs at birth. 11 weeks now and 13 lbs!!

Good luck and know whatever you decide, your babies will be just fine

Reagan1010

AWarfel said:

My story is similar to yours, except you stuck it out way longer than me. My son was in the NICU for 9 days. While in the NICU, they limited how many times I could attempt to breastfeed due to the fact that he was burning too much of his energy and bloodsugars trying. I just wanted him healthy, so I gave up and exclusively pumped. At home, I continued for about 3 weeks. I wasn't producing enough to keep up with him and I was miserable. I felt like all I was doing was pumping. My son was very colicky as well and it was just way too much stress for me.

I started to exclusively ff and I do not regret my decision at all. Of course I know breast is best, but I know I saved some of my sanity deciding to ff. My son is thriving on formula. 5.8 lbs at birth. 11 weeks now and 13 lbs!!

Good luck and know whatever you decide, your babies will be just fine

This is very similar to my story too! I made the decision to stop EP at 2.5 months. The amount of relief was amazing and I wish I would have made that decision earlier. The anxiety surrounding it was making me really depressed.

DS is an active, healthy, smart 3 year old now. Do what is best for you and your family!! It will be alright either way

littlemissblondiex

I am in the same boat as you OP.  I recently decided to formula feed after breastfeeding my little guy for 6 weeks.  I was exclusively pumping and like you had mentioned every 3 hours.  I was getting anywhere from 2-5 ounces at once but it was so overwhelming because my little guy would eat about 6 ounces in one sitting!!  I was constantly worrying about producing enough milk and having the time to pump around the clock.  I started supplementing with formula for a few feedings and realized that he actually seemed to enjoy the formula more than my milk.  When he would drink my milk he would fuss and cry and constantly eat, but with formula he would fill on about 2-3 ounces and be so content afterwards.  I felt guilty for awhile about giving up on breastfeeding but honestly if my baby is eating that's all that matters.  You might get some snide comments or remarks from people but who cares.  Ultimately whatever works for you and your babies is best and once you figure out the eating situation you will be so much happier!! 

Mthurm17

I'm in the exact same boat as you with our twins. It's much less stressful than trying to bf, supplement with formula and then pump but I agree it's tough. I pump before I feed them (I give them the BM I just pumped and add formula to make up the difference). I'm not sure how long I'll last, but my DH andi decided that if/when it's time to go solely to formula, it will be okay
GL and hang in there!

Carnation77

Have you thought about moving to formula but occasionally breastfeeding?  Maybe a couple times per day per child?  There's nothing wrong with quitting BFing and going to formula if that's what works for you.  I personally hate BFing but am trying to stick with it for my LO and I can't imagine trying to do it with twins.  However, I do kind of like the cuddle time with him now and am glad I have stuck it out this long (7 1/2 weeks).  

millieb0623

First of all I want to say good for you for hanging in there this long. This truely is a tough dicision to make. I personally had to give up pretty quickly because I was only getting about a tablespoon full between both breast combined so that's wonderful that you get at least a couple of ounces . Try taking more fenugreek. I took 3 pills twice a day. I read somewhere to take up to 4 pills at a time. I also tried mothers milk but it didnt work for me. Just do what your heart tells you. Don't feel guilty. you have done a great job and you are a wonderful mother