WDPT? Help me settle a disagreement

MamatoA2010

Ok, so I'm having a little disagreement with my sister. I'm going through a lengthy divorce and DD splits her time almost evenly between STBXH's house and mine (she's with me 3 days, with him 4 days). I consider myself a single parent but my sister says I'm just "a divorced parent" since STBXH is involved. What do you wise ladies and gents of parenting say? Single parent? Yay or nay?

LoveActually4

No. Single parents don't get 4 days to themselves.

MamatoA2010

@justAphase- he has his fiancée's help, I do not have the help of a significant other

MamatoA2010

@OnederfulMother- like I mentioned to @justAphase, he has his fiancée's help. I do not have the help of a significant other/fiancée/boyfriend, etc.

RondackHiker

OnederfulMother said:

It would never occur to me that there is a difference. In my mind, a single parent is someone raising a child without a partner. Which is what you're doing and so is your soon to be ex.

This is what I always thought.

jorkz821

OnederfulMother said:

It would never occur to me that there is a difference. In my mind, a single parent is someone raising a child without a partner. Which is what you're doing and so is your soon to be ex.

This. Though I kind of think saying divorced parent is sort of the same thing in your situation.

missyishere

You and your ex are both single parents.

MamatoA2010

@OnederfulMother- he does have a live in fiancée, so you just said what I've been thinking all along. Thanks for your input!

MamatoA2010

@justAphase- true, true. Thanks for your input!

missyishere

OnederfulMother said:

Yeah, if he has a live-in fiancé then he isn't really a single parent.

I still considered DH a single parent when we first lived together. Sure I was there to help, but I didn't have full responsibility of my now SD.

theseaword

Dictionary definition includes you:

sin·gle par·ent

1. somebody who raises child alone: a parent who brings up a child or children alone, usually because he or she is unmarried, widowed, or divorced

OR:

A single parent (or solo parent) is a parent, not living with a spouse or partner, who has most of the day-to-day responsibilities in raising the child or children. A single parent is usually considered the primary caregiver, meaning the parent the children have residency with the majority of the time.^[1]

MamatoA2010

@Brandi Bee- just for the purpose of discussion

ASmallWonder

I mean, I guess technically you're a single parent but you get a lot of time of not having to parent.  Personally I tend to think of a single parent more as someone who has the majority of the child rearing duties (like the other parent only has one weekend day or something)

littlemermaid

I would consider you a divorced parent because you do have the assistance of another parent at your hands.  That parent may no longer be in the household but they do exist in the child's life helping you raise them.  Single parents are raising the child completely on their own without another parent in the child's life at all.

monkeybutt61612

Who cares?

SimpleJane

I consider myself and XH single parents. We are both unmarried and 100% responsible for our kids on our time. We both have to provide a home, food, clothing, an education, $$ for extra curricular, emotional support, ect., all of the time. We aren't ever really "off" even when the other parent has the kids.

missyishere

SimpleJane said:

I consider myself and XH single parents. We are both unmarried and 100% responsible for our kids on our time. We both have to provide a home, food, clothing, an education, $$ for extra curricular, emotional support, ect., all of the time. We aren't ever really "off" even when the other parent has the kids.

Word. 

ASmallWonder

SimpleJane said:

I consider myself and XH single parents. We are both unmarried and 100% responsible for our kids on our time. We both have to provide a home, food, clothing, an education, $$ for extra curricular, emotional support, ect., all of the time. We aren't ever really "off" even when the other parent has the kids.

Devils advocate but is 100% parenting 50% of the time so different from 50% parenting 100% of the time?

CurlyQ284

I've kind of noticed that if the dad is not involved/doesn't pay support/is a deadbeat then the mom labels herself as a single mom and put other moms in a different category if the dad is still involved but not in the home.

I say if you are parenting alone you're a single parent regardless of the custody schedule.

MrsT0514

I don't think there should be so much emphasis put on the label. Whether you're considered a "divorced" parent or a "single" parent shouldn't matter. Either way its equally as hard, I'd think.

Shit...being married and being a parent is hard. Parenting is hard shit. Period!

proudworkingmom82

I still consider that a single mom but I must say I am jealous that you get that much time to yourself, I get 4 days a month, that's all EXH will take DD is every other weekend.  I would miss her like crazy but I would love if I could just get him to take her 2 or 3 more days a month, just as much for her sake as for mine.

Manateearmz

Just as most things in parenting nobody fits the label perfectly. I am a married mother, the way we split or parenting time may vary from another dual parent household. Perhaps a SO travels 90% of the time, that doesn't exactly fit into the dual parenting household label. I think you're a single parent, just because you get a few days "off" doesn't mean you fit into another label.

missyishere

mbenit4 said:

Both of you are single parents. How is it a lengthy divorce and he has a fiancé? WTF?!

Granted DH and I dated for 7 years before marrying, we met before he was legally divorced.  Sometimes it takes a long time if both parties aren't amicable.  I've seen some crazy, drawn-out dissolution of marriages that could easily overlap another relationship.

NotSharknado

missyishere said:

mbenit4 said:

Both of you are single parents.

How is it a lengthy divorce and he has a fiancé? WTF?!

Granted DH and I dated for 7 years before marrying, we met before he was legally divorced.  Sometimes it takes a long time if both parties aren't amicable.  I've seen some crazy, drawn-out dissolution of marriages that could easily overlap another relationship.


Yep, that shit is not easy peasy. It can take up to a year provided things go smoothly and that doesn't happen a lot.

missyishere

@shanado DH and his XW had an agreeable DOM, and it took a year.  When you have kids, it automatically takes that much longer.  The process is long and expensive. 

NotSharknado

And really, who cares about the damn title. So sick of the title debates.

A lot of the times I feel like a single mother and bitches get all up in arms about a married woman saying that. I feel how I want to feel. Don't like it, too bad.

Maebb

I think it's different than a parent who has 100% financial and physical responsibility for the kids 100% of the time. You are a single parent when your DD is with you. But I agree with the PP who said that if you feel that way, fine, but what's the point in arguing about the label. Either way, I'm sorry for your situation because I'm sure it's difficult.

NotSharknado

missyishere said:

@shanado DH and his XW had an agreeable DOM, and it took a year.  When you have kids, it automatically takes that much longer.  The process is long and expensive. 

That's why a lot of people stay married, out of sheer convenience.

missyishere

fredalina said:

I was kind of engaged while married. Judge away. It took 2 years for the divorce to finalize because his stupid ass kept dragging it out on purpose.

Whaddadouche. 

Eleventy11

My DH's wife cheated on him for years before they divorced. She had a boyfriend and had moved out of the house, but didn't want a divorce. Their "marriage" had legitimately been done for months. My DH filed for divorce soon after we started dating. We were engaged two days after it was final and married four months later. Their divorce only took the 60 day minimum. There are circumstances that could make it not scandalous at all.

LaurelBee

I think both titles fit. I actually agree with @mbenit5 that a proposal before divorce is final seems fast. I think I would probably take my time solely for my kids. A divorce is a lot to handle without throwing in a step mom and wedding all at once. Not that it's wrong to do so. Just surprised to hear how fast his new relationship evolved.