After pumpkin patch meltdown

cdale86

***Ticker Warning and Child Mentioned***

So halloween is the first "holiday" since Bennett passed.  We went to the pumpkin patch with our daughter today.  It was a little stressful carrying her in a carrier and carrying the pumpkins, camera, etc.  She was a little fussy and spitting up on both of us.  Anyways, we got our 2 big pumpkins and her little pumpkin.  We got home and I sped around the house to leave for my soccer game.  A little while ago I was sitting on the couch and it hit me....we didn't get Bennett a little pumpkin.  I feel like the worst Mom in the world.  I just had a total meltdown.  I can't say I forgot because we were rushed.  After losing Bennett, I take time to enjoy family.  I didn't care that I was missing the first half of my soccer game.  Family is my priority.  I don't know if I was just so focused on Berkeley's first visit to the pumpkin patch that I forgot or what.  I feel terrible.  I wish I could tell him I'm sorry and that he is NEVER forgotten.

princezjk

(((hugs)))   I think guilt is such a huge issue for us loss mamas.  DH is constantly telling me that our Izzie loves me and doesn't blame me.  I don't want to push any spiritual beliefs onto you, but DH will also tell me that where she is, she doesn't know feelings like anger or hate so she would never be mad at or resent me for anything.  More (((hugs))) to you for a rough afternoon..

neptunebljc

I agree with @princezjk. There are times when people forget their children,like at school or at someone else's house, so I'm sure it will be that story that Bennett tells the other angels."Oh there was this one time.." 

I hope you are feeling better though.

Sending hugs!

jbranden12

((hugs)) it is difficult to parent our angels and find ways to incorporate them into the lives of our families. Please do not feel guilty!

Xath

Can you carve or paint the little pumpkin for both of them?  They spent so much of their time together sharing a little space, it could be their special pumpkin.