Ever feel like throwing in the towel.....

doodlebuggmommy

Do you ever just have such a hard time dealing with the blended family dynamic that you just don't know what to do? How do you get through it? We have been having a hard time with BM lately and I just can't understand why someone has to be so difficult all the time. Does anyone have any tips on working through things? Please no flames, just having a really crappy time lately.

+just+j+

Yep. And did. 

I'm very happy.

Lavender P

Sorry you are having a hard time. When I get to the point of feeling like it is all too much I try to focus on a couple of things. First, I tell myself that my life would not be perfect if BM wasn't in it. We would just have other issues to deal with. Second, when BM is being extra crazy DH and I make sure to spend extra time together just us, having fun. It reminds us of when we first dated and that no matter what we will always love each other. We decided a long time ago that if we were going to get divorced it would be because of our own issues, not something external to our relationship. Also, find time for yourself separate from everything. Take a bath, drink some wine, get your nails done. Anything to pamper yourself when things get rough. Plus, venting here really helps. Hang in there!

Nineoceans

Yes definitely been there but if I left Dh I would just be in a more complicated blended family because of my DS.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed I count down the months until SS is 18 and if that's too discouraging then the months until he is 16 and can drive himself to and from our homes and can coordinate his own schedules.

lookame3639

Yep. Ex and his girlfriend like to be incredibly difficult. They have the mindset that whatever they do is right. Whenever I start tofeel like I cant take Iit anymore I remind myself that this is for my son. It may not be fair to me and it may not be fair for my son but no matter what this is for him. At the end of the day it wont matter and it will pass. Ex or girkfriend will throw their fit, they will harrass me ect but at the end of the day, week, month ect it wont matter.

When it begins to feel extra tough I talk to someone about it. I have a coworker in the same general situation as me so we vent together. It helps to get the frustraition out. I also have a wonderful fiance that is there for me.

CFjo2010

Lavender P said:

Sorry you are having a hard time. When I get to the point of feeling like it is all too much I try to focus on a couple of things. First, I tell myself that my life would not be perfect if BM wasn't in it. We would just have other issues to deal with. Second, when BM is being extra crazy DH and I make sure to spend extra time together just us, having fun. It reminds us of when we first dated and that no matter what we will always love each other. We decided a long time ago that if we were going to get divorced it would be because of our own issues, not something external to our relationship. Also, find time for yourself separate from everything. Take a bath, drink some wine, get your nails done. Anything to pamper yourself when things get rough. Plus, venting here really helps. Hang in there!

I think the bolded is the most important thing to follow.

There have been several times when I've thought of walking due to BM's refusal to compromise and do what is genuinely what is in K's best interests, when she harrasses me and my DD, when she slanders me at school, etc.  I have consulted with an attorney and priced out homes in our area and run the calculators to see what DH would pay me in CS if we divorced.  But it always comes down to: BM is not a part of our relationship.  She is simply a by-product of us caring about and loving K.  DH isn't responsible for BM's crazy behavior, so why should he bear the "punishment" of it?  Think of the craziness as some sort of weather issue.  Would you leave your DH if a hurricane hit your house?

Hang in there.  This BF nonsense is rough.  Try and find something, anything to laugh about when things with BM get bad.  That's what DH and I try to do now.  Anytime there's a blow-up we try and find something funny about it.  Laughter alleviates the tension and once we've relaxed a bit, we can focus on the issue and decide if it's worth our energy.

doodlebuggmommy

Thank you all for the positive thoughts! Just for the record divorce is not even on my mind.... Just tired of BM's crap

EarthandFire

Funny you asked. My mother asked me last night why I'd want to get involved with all the stress and complications that BM brings. You don't really know much about my situation because I'm new but I'm sure with time you will. Take out BM and I have no complaint and no reason to give up on BH or LO2. I have everything to gain. I won't punish those I love for BM's behavior and I won't let her drive me away. It's not their choices that are making thing difficult, it's BM's. Yes BH is enabling her and we're working on that but ultimately I have no major complaints about BH.

I've tried to give up on understanding BM's thinking. Every time she makes a new decision that impacts BH, LO or all of us I try really hard to see it from her perspective. If I could understand where's she's coming from maybe we could get on a level, communicate better but It hasn't happened. Whether that's fortunate or not, I'm unsure. All I know is that I don't understand how she can believe some of her actions are for LO's best interest. From the way she talks and phrases things it sounds like she comes first and her DC come second. Maybe that is my explanation. I don't know but I do know that I love all my kids and at the end of the day, good or bad, I want to stand next to BH and fight by his side for our family and it's well being. I hold onto that with both hands and never let go.