returning to work

shellyco

Any other AP working moms?  How do you balance AP values and working full time?  My daughter is 4 weeks old and I return to work at 8 weeks.  When it comes to a good transition to daycare, I am already concerned about our current practices of bedsharing for naps and night sleep, her need to nurse herself to sleep (and to sleep in contact with mommy) and always being connected to me through either carrying or wearing during her awake time.    

Should I try to wean her off a few of these things to make daycare a better experience for her?  I am already awake at night worrying that she will be just distraught at daycare without her current comforts, but I love our together time just as much as she does!

Emerald27

I honestly could not have gotten through working while DS was tiny without bedsharing (worked from when he was 3-8 months then quit to SAH). It allowed us to get many hours of snuggling, nursing, and reconnecting in before starting each new day. I can't recommend bedsharing enough to working mamas!

Connect with her. It's good to have a strong attached bond. Holding/wearing her less and stopping bedsharing is not the best way to prepare to go back to work, IMHO. Use this time to create, reinforce, and strengthen that close bond, and don't be tempted to "detach" in order to make the transition easier on you both.

This is a great article about nursing moms returning to work. Take a close look especially at number 2. It explains better what I mean:

https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/breastfeeding/while-working/20-tips-working-and-breastfeeding

blu-eyedwife

We didn't bedshare - I'm not against it, I just thought it would be really hard for me to transition him out of the bed (I knew he'd adjust fine!)  But in terms of a lot of other AP tenants, I found my daycare really worked with me. 

I went back to work at 5 months.  At 3 months, I began working on transitioning him to the crib for naps.  Because before that he only slept while being held, and I didn't think that would be especially conducive in a daycare setting.  It took about 6 weeks to have him happily napping in a crib, but he still needed to be rocked to sleep and swaddled.  Daycare has always been great about that.  They rocked him for naps until he no longer needed to be rocked.

As far as the holding - my child gets held at daycare.  A lot.  I can't say if it's more than other kids there, but I feel as though he is often in someone's arms or laps.  He loves being held and they cater to that.  In fact, this morning he had a rough drop off and didn't want me to leave, but was perfectly happy once he was scooped up in a care giver's arms for some hugs.  By the time I had walked around the playground toward the car, he was back on the ground and playing, but they are always willing to give whatever extra hugs/holds are needed.

I do think daycare is "magical" in that kids behave differently there.  The daycare providers all think my son is some sort of perma-happy kid.  He's not.  He throws fits, he cries, he's a typical toddler - but apparently not for them.  For naps at home he still needs to be rocked, at daycare he pulls out his own cot and goes to sleep on his own.  Kids are fabulous at adjusting.

shellyco

Emerald27 said:

I honestly could not have gotten through working while DS was tiny without bedsharing (worked from when he was 3-8 months then quit to SAH). It allowed us to get many hours of snuggling, nursing, and reconnecting in before starting each new day. I can't recommend bedsharing enough to working mamas! Connect with her. It's good to have a strong attached bond. Holding/wearing her less and stopping bedsharing is not the best way to prepare to go back to work, IMHO. Use this time to create, reinforce, and strengthen that close bond, and don't be tempted to "detach" in order to make the transition easier on you both. This is a great article about nursing moms returning to work. Take a close look especially at number 2. It explains better what I mean: https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/breastfeeding/while-working/20-tips-working-and-breastfeeding

Thank you for the link. It did make me feel better and I needed to be reminded to enjoy this time I have with her!

theamandapanda

My little guy had trouble napping & bottle feeding when he started day care. He adapted pretty quickly though, and eventually won an award for Best Napper, ha! Good luck to you when you return to work. Oh, and hi everyone! I recently returned to The Bump. I mostly lurked back in 2011. It's nice to be back. Cheers!

erbear

I'm a working AP mom. I went back when my littlest one was 7 weeks. 

Things that helped:

1. I found a daycare that I loved. This is the most important thing. They do things differently, obviously, like they can't nurse her down, but their vibe jived with mine, so even though they do it differently, it's great. And she loves it.

2. Dropping other stuff. My kids don't do a lot of activities. When we get home from work, we do playdates or we just hang out. I am theirs from 5 to bedtime.

musicalmama5

I definitely don't think you should wean her off of bedsharing/nursing to sleep/wearing/etc. Like PP's have said, babies and kids are very adaptable and so she'll learn what she does at DC is different than what she does with mama. And keeping up that connection and attachment will be even more important since you'll be at work during the day!

Good luck!

JJ_13

I agree with others. I learned this the hard way. I tried to get LO to nap in crib before I went back to work and it made my last couple weeks of leave miserable. And, she still didn't do well at DC (sorry, but it's the truth). My LO has always been a tough sleeper and, unfortuantely, is not that adaptable, but all I did by trying to get her to crib-nap was make our last couple of weeks together a nightmare. I regret it. I know it's not a big deal and all that, but I wish my memories were happier of that time.

The best piece of advice I can give you is find care that you are comfortable with; we started out with LO at a high end daycare that was relatively AP-friendly. THey rocked babies to sleep, they would do my cloth diapering, and they had no issues feeding breastmilk. That said, my LO still just wasn't happy in a traditional daycare environment. My LO's temperament is... observant, determined, and happy, but she's fairly reserved and likes to really attach to her caregiver. She refused to eat or sleep at the DC - they would rock her to sleep in their arms and she would wake up as soon as they tried to put her down. Obviously, they couldn't hold her for her whole nap since there were other babies to care for - and, on a side note, I was usually able to put her down to nap at home, just not in the crib - in a rock-n-play and per state guidelines, the daycare had to use those small daycare cribs. I understood all this - they were doing the best that they could given the environment. SImilar with the bottle - they would try and try and she would take maybe 2 ounces all day long. It was awful. I really think that part of it was that LO couldn't attach to one person. There were two main caregivers in the room, 7 - 8 babies, and of course, there were relief caregivers during the lunch hour. Too many moving parts and craziness for my LO. I kept thinking that she would adjust, but after a month she still hadn't. I was distraught beyond belief, exhausted, unhappy. A friend of a friend told me about a lovely woman who lives very close to us, has grown children and now she watches LO and one other baby in her home.  It is great. MY LO started taking her bottle and she was willing to use the RNP for LO's naps until we transitioned her to the crib (which we did about 2 months after she started there anyway). She does it as a busienss (all above board with taxes, etc) and is very professional. No, she's not licensed by the state (of course she has her CPR training and all that) but she is a good fit for OUR family. Prior to becoming a mom, I never thought I'd would leave LO in someone else's home. I thought I would want the super-duper-awesome-daycare-licensed out the wazoo, etc, etc. That turned out not to be the best scenario for my family. We LOVE our "nanny" as we call her and I am such a happier working mama knowing that my LO is happy every day.

I truly hope no one else goes through what we went through as I transitioned back to work, but I guess the moral of my story is: find good care, be open about what "good" care looks like, and listen to your baby.

Good luck!

skibunny59

 I'm a working AP mom.  I went back to work when DD was 6 months old.  I wear her as much as possible, nurse her to sleep for bedtime and all naps, and we cosleep at night.  My mom watches DD while I'm at work.  No my mom can't nurse her to sleep but she does rock her to go to sleep and my mom also gives her tons of cuddles and attention.  I didn't make any effort to change any of these things before I went back to work and DD did just fine once I went back.  I had a much harder time with the separation than she did.

My DD is now 18 months old and she is well-adjusted and super happy.

skibunny59

Emerald27 said:

I honestly could not have gotten through working while DS was tiny without bedsharing (worked from when he was 3-8 months then quit to SAH). It allowed us to get many hours of snuggling, nursing, and reconnecting in before starting each new day. I can't recommend bedsharing enough to working mamas! Connect with her. It's good to have a strong attached bond. Holding/wearing her less and stopping bedsharing is not the best way to prepare to go back to work, IMHO. Use this time to create, reinforce, and strengthen that close bond, and don't be tempted to "detach" in order to make the transition easier on you both. This is a great article about nursing moms returning to work. Take a close look especially at number 2. It explains better what I mean: https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/breastfeeding/while-working/20-tips-working-and-breastfeeding

I also agree with the bolded.  I never planned on bedsharing but I love that I have this special time with DD.  I don't get to spend time with her during the day so I love that we have this special time at night. 

Meganequine

Pretty much what everyone else said.  Find someone/somewhere you love.

I wouldn't change anything you do at home.  Most babies are adaptable and that makes home time more special (IMO).

I would however start offering  bottles at least a week or two before you send her to daycare.  (I guess this point really only applies if you're BFing.) That might mean you have to pump and then immediately feed baby or vise-versa.  Some babies have difficulty taking milk from a bottle if they've only every nursed and it can make the first week of daycare miserable.  (This happened to a baby at a daycare I worked at in college.)   I'd also suggest pumping and freezing some milk ahead of time.  Even if you can keep up with baby pumping at work, it always gave me piece of mind to know that I had some just in case.

Edit:  By offering bottles I mean one or two a day so that baby can get used to it. . . not every feeding.  Don't know if anyone even read it that way, but when I reread it that crazy thought crossed my mind.

Oasismomma

I went back to work full time when DS was 15 months old, so I don't have too much advice for a young baby.

I was most worried about naps during the day, because we always coslept. He actually transitioned really easily. I think he was able to understand that he sleeps one way at school (on a cot, like the other kids do) and one way at home (in bed with mom/dad).

ReeceFamily

I'd say the opposite:  keep doing what you're doing so that you aren't changing too many things up on your LO all at once. I went back to work full time at 12 weeks, and we have always bedshared.  I cherish it even more now that I'm working...it's our opportunity to bond and snuggle, since I don't get to see her all day!