Daycare Crying

periwinklephins

I remember reading few threads about this before, so forgive me for talking about this again. (I just need to vent and hope to find some encouragement).

Our son started daycare when he was 14 months. He just turned 15 months and is currently on week 5 at daycare. He used to have a nanny (since he was 3 months). 

He's still struggling with the adjustment. He still wails in the morning during drop offs and the teachers say that he cries on and off during the day (especially in the morning, it's difficult to console him when we leave). After nap (usually around 12-2), he usually does better.. but he's clearly still not adjusted.

There is some progress (crying is more intermittent when we enter the room), but he still wails as soon as we hand him to the teacher when we leave. How long is this supposed to last? I heard a month for many, but we already past that mark. 6 weeks? We're already on week 5 and the progress is very slim. I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning too, but he has never had 5 full days in daycare in a week (usually only 4 days) because he has been sick every week with fever since he started (3 times now). I guess his immune system is also adjusting. We're hoping this week, he can complete all 5 days.

I don't know what to do. We just take one day at a time, but sometimes, it's discouraging and heartbreaking that he's still crying and you don't know when it's going to end. The teachers seem to be trying to do their best, but I guess there's only so much they could do. What if he never adjusts to daycare? Is there such a thing? Or what if the teachers give up on him? My mind is just going crazy because life's been stressful for us and right now, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Any advice based on your experience? Thanks so much for listening/reading.

singingirl96

Well, I have no real experience with this since my son is yet to cry (not even once) when we drop him off... But then again, he has been in daycare since 3 months of age, so he's very well adjusted.

I would think that he's had plenty of time to adjust, and if he still cries so much when you leave, and throughout the day, that means he's not having a great time there, and has not bonded to any of the caregivers. 

With that being said, perhaps that environment isn't the best option for him.  I'm assuming this is a daycare center.... Have you thought about an in-home daycare instead?  Perhaps he'd be more comfortable in a smaller setting with less kids and less caregivers.  Hopefully someone who is more nurturing to his needs where he can bond better with them? 

I'm not sure what I would do in your place, but I think it is time to start thinking about other options.   If he doesn't like it there, you should try somewhere else.  

But that's just me.

traveltheworld

I'm sorry your LO is having a tough time.  It's so hard!  I think the fact that he hasn't gone there full time and the fact that he has been sick often is making it hard for him to adjust. 

FWIW - DS started DC at 10 months.  He adjusted fine initially (took only a week), but when they moved him to a different room at 13.5 months, he had a VERY difficult time.  He used to love going to DC, but after he switched rooms, he'd start wailing as soon as we got close to his new room in the morning.  He also spent his days mostly sitting by himself in the corner or whining/crying.  His DC had a webcam so we could see that his teachers tried to hold him and hug him a lot, but even so, he was pretty miserble.  There were days where he would just lay on the mat and whimper.  It was heart-breaking.  It didn't help that he only goes to DC 3 days a week, so as soon as he was a bit more used to it, it was 4 days of no DC again. 

We are about 6 weeks into the new room now, and he is finally starting to be better throughout the day.  He still cries almost every morning, but at least he is not wailing.  And this morning, he just whimpered when we left and managed to pick himself back up and started playing soon afterwards.  He is still not "happy" but I think we are starting to turn the corner.

Do you like the teachers in his room?  If so, my only advice is to try and stick it out.  Make drop-offs quick.  I also try and play with him for a little bit when I pick him up so he gets more used to his room.  And I try to make a big point of emphasizing how fun and exciting his "big boy room" is every morning on our walk from the parking lot to his DC.  DH and I clap our hands and cheer when we get to the DC - not sure if it actually helps, but sometimes he gets distracted enough not to wail.

APendola

My LO started at 12 months and for the first two months she would have a melt down everytime I arrived to pick her up.  She would see me and just start crying until I scooped her up in my arms. Now, it's much better, she smiles and is happy to see me.

My DH usually drops her off in the morning and it took her a few weeks not to cry when he dropped her off.  I only drop her off on occasion, and she usually cries a little when I drop her off but she doesn't when DH does because she is used to it.

They do adjust!  In some ways, it's harder when they start daycare as an older baby or toddler, because that is the peak of separation anxiety.  It takes some kids a while to adjust.

periwinkleblue

traveltheworld said:

FWIW - DS started DC at 10 months.  He adjusted fine initially (took only a week), but when they moved him to a different room at 13.5 months, he had a VERY difficult time.  He used to love going to DC, but after he switched rooms, he'd start wailing as soon as we got close to his new room in the morning.  He also spent his days mostly sitting by himself in the corner or whining/crying.  His DC had a webcam so we could see that his teachers tried to hold him and hug him a lot, but even so, he was pretty miserble.  There were days where he would just lay on the mat and whimper.  It was heart-breaking.  It didn't help that he only goes to DC 3 days a week, so as soon as he was a bit more used to it, it was 4 days of no DC again. 

This is exactly what he does! Thank you for letting me know of your experience. 

We like the teachers in his room so we will most likely wait a couple more weeks to see if there's any progress - if not, we'll find another childcare provider. 

MNmama7112

Honestly if he's been sick in addition to the transition, I'd give it more time than what you "normally" would if he were totally healthy. I'm sure part of it is that he's not been feeling well and wants mommy (or at least someone familiar). Also, since he's never been in daycare before, I'd imagine it would take him longer to adjust than just another 15 month old switching to a new daycare or something. The setting, the structure, the caregivers, everything is new to him. I know 5+ weeks seems long, but all kids adjust to change in their own time.

Wondering if he has a special lovey or something like that from home that he can take with him during the day for comfort?

Poor guy- change is tough, sickness is tough. I'd wait it out, continue talking to the daycare provider(s) about your concerns, ideas, etc. and see if things don't improve once he's been there a few more weeks.

Hang in there, mama! I'm sure it's so tough to know your little guy is having a tough time.

blu-eyedwife

Here's the two things I can tell you based on my experience:
1) The 5 days a week thing plays a big role.  My son started out (5 months) going to daycare 3 days a week.  It wasn't until he started full time that he really "adjusted" to being there - ate/napped better, less fussy, etc.

2) Separation Anxiety.  It hits hard shortly after one.  As I said, my son has been in daycare since he was 5 months old.  But around 13 months (and again around 18 months) he had a REALLY hard time with drop off.  Hysterical crying.  It's developmental and I got a lot of help from daycare during drop offs.  And it passed.  I think the combo of these two things can be making adjustment harder for your son.  But again, he will adjust!

mommymegan831

I started bringing a cup of milk so DS could have that the second he sat down and it helped alot.  Now I still bring it but he doesn't need it right away.

preggersin2011

It could be the age- LO started day care at 8 weeks and somewhere between the 14-16 month range she started having bad separation anxiety issues. I couldn't leave her at the play room in the gym anymore (there goes working out) and her day care teacher that she sees 5x8 had to pry her off of me for over a month.