custody

NavyWifeTrivette

I have a question about custody I hope someone can help. I filed for divorce and the date is set for Jan 6. However, I requested a predetermination of custody prior to the divorce so I can start getting child support earlier and to make sure he doesn't try taking the baby from me. The custody date is set for Oct 7. My question is, how does the process usually go? What kinds of things do I need to bring with me and be prepared with? I don't have a lawyer yet because I don't know if it will get to that point. Should I be prepared to show the judge all the shit he has done or do I save the dirty stuff for the full divorce hearing? I don't think he will be showing up, does that affect how things go? Will I automatically get everything I asked for if he doesn't show? Sorry for all the questions but I just want to make sure I am prepared. I know every state is different (I am in CT by the way) but I appreciate any input y'all may have.

NavyWifeTrivette

There is no way I can afford a lawyer. I called state legal services about getting a free lawyer but they will only assign one to me if my ex decides to show up and fight it. I originally left him for cheating but after I left he threatened my family so I got a restraining order. I will definitely get all the police reports though! I also have printouts of thinks he has posted on Facebook and twitter that can be used against him, I am assuming I should bring all those too?

EarthandFire

I haven't dealt with this a lot but I wouldn't put all my cards on the table right away. I would take anything that pertains to safety and mental stability. Anything he's emailed, face booked or has been documented as hostile. I would also take receipts or cancelled checks showing you have your child and are providing all care for the child. Everything from day care to formula to clothes and diapers. Show you're providing primary care for DC. If XH doesn't show and no representation for him shows (like a lawyer) I would think they'd grant you custody. I wouldn't bring up the cheating here. That potentially makes you look like an angry wife using this to punish your XH. That is for the divorce where offenses against the marriage belong. This needs to be strictly about DC's well being and care.