older kids mean to my 2yo DD-- what to do?

springbreak3003

At my local playground today two 6-year old girls were playing with my 2-yo. I was watching them from a few feet away when one of the older girls put my daughter in a headlock, and joked about "choking" her. I immediately ran to get my DD, and yelled sternly at the two older girls, I told them they were being mean and to apologize. I walked away with my DD and we played in another part of the playground. Thankfully my little girl seemed to be OK, actually, I don't think she even noticed anything had gone wrong. my DD is very sweet and compliant, and I believe she thought this is just how older girls "play". F&$%-ed UP!!

This is the first time I've had to deal with anything like this. I'm very upset and wondering about a few things. If this happens again:

1. How do you react to other people's children in such situations?

2. I want to handle the situation seriously, but I don't want to freak out my DD.

3. How do I react to the parents of the aggressors? In this incident, one of the parents had a serious talk with her DD and the girl apologized profusely to my DD. So did the mother. However, the other parent quickly left with their DD. I could care less about their reactions, except that I live in a small community and will definitely be running into these people and their children again. We live in a dense urban area and this playground is the only one in the neighborhood.  

4. How do I talk to my DD about the incident afterwards? I was hoping she forgot about it, but she brought it up as I was telling her a bedtime story....she talked about the playground and how she "fell down" and was "sad" and asked me "little girls nice?". I told her she will always be safe with me and her Dad even though some kids are mean. I also told her that if she is ever scared, she should run to me or her Dad and tell us right away. I then told her some funny bedtime stories to (hopefully) get this off her mind.

Also, she's only 2. So I guess there's not much I can explain to her. I can only let her know she is loved and make her feel safe.

I'm so conflicted. My DD is very sweet, outgoing and sociable and isn't bothered by much. I don't want her to develop fear of other kids, but I also want her to know some people are mean and not to put up with it. Part of me is proud she didn't even react to those mean girls, but part of me wishes that she bit them or kicked them or something.

OK. I'm just kind of reacting in the heat-of-the-moment to all this. I would love some feedback.

 

cpmich

This happens a fair amount to outgoing 2 year olds. Honestly, at this age you need to hover when they are playing with bigger kids you don't know well. The fact is that your child doesn't have the judgement to know if a big kid is going to hurt them and the bigger kids go through developmental stages where they push the limits to see if they can deliberately cause trouble or hurt smaller kids without getting in trouble themselves. Use your instincts and step in next time before they cross the line. When your kid is a little bigger or with kids her own size back off, but much bigger kids can really hurt her now.

Unless it is really a major major safety issue,i do not involve the other parents. If they had been paying attention, the issue wouldn't have come up in the first case or they will scold their child on their own. No good really comes from seeking them out, especially in a small community.

cpmich

I just told my son when things like that happened that we don't play with kids who don't play nicely and left it at that.

jlpev

Sounds like you handled it wonderfully

carlab44

Overall I think you handled it fairly well, but I'd maybe do a few things differently. Maybe you worded it wrong, but I don't think I'd yell at the girls. Address them and tell them they need to play more nicely with younger kids? Definitely. Yell? No.

I also wouldn't focus on the girls being "mean". I don't think they were being mean - especially given the girl apologized profusely. They were playing rough, and there is a big difference. Some kids don't have younger siblings to know not to be so rough, and some kids are actually that rough with their siblings in a playful way (you should see how some of DD's, who is 7, friends play with their 1-2 year old brothers).

When talking to your DD I'd maybe tell her that sometimes older kids play more roughly than younger kids, and they usually aren't trying to hurt anyone. But reiterate that if she ever feels scared or sad to tell you right away.

I also don't think I'd involve the other parent unless the kids didn't listen or it was repeat behavior.

 

rlyttle

I wouldn't hesitate to yell at someone else's kid, but I'm a teacher and it comes naturally to me    

I would tell my DS that the kid was not being nice and his/her mommy should put him in timeout. Telling him it's not nice to hit or to hold peoples necks like that. I would tell DS that that kid was not being a good boy. 

As for the parents, I would ignore them. You just have to watch out for your own child and not worry about other parents. 

All in all, I'm sure they were just being kids and not actually trying to be mean. It happens, and I wouldn't make a big deal about it. It shouldn't be ignored though. I think you handled it correctly.