Today it's been 3 weeks since my daughter was born sleeping at 22 weeks. I have had a wide range of emotion, especially anger. But over the last week, things have been really really good. I started applying for jobs (knowing I need to get back into work and get insurance and an income as a single woman). I, also, starting working on my "moving out" plan, going to church, and just restarting my life. The problem I'm having is that I feel really happy most of the time. Even when I talk about Ellie, I feel like I'm telling a story. Almost like it didn't really happen. I feel numb to it. Every once in a while I'll feel that pain and sadness, but most of the time I feel completely disconnected. I'm not sad. In fact, I feel very positive. But I'm starting to worry that I'm "replacing" her with these other things. That I'm forgetting her. Or maybe that I'm just in denial. I don't think I've hit the acceptance stage. But I'm just not sure what this is. I have an appointment with a therapist coming up and I'll be talking to her about it as well. I just didn't know where else to talk about it.
**TW loss mentioned **
12 miscarriages in first marriage (2007-2011) Surprise BFP - 06/2013 Daughter stillborn at 22 weeks - 09/09/2013 Married my best friend - 09/03/2016 Genetic testing came back with APS - 10/03/2016 TTCAL - 10/21/2016 BFP - 11/18/2016 EDD of Rainbow baby - 07/30/2017