Not sure what to do...

meabtahi

So my DH and I live on the other side of the country from both sets of parents and this is the first grandbaby on both sides. Needless to say we have a lot of excitement from both sets of grandparents and they are both planning on coming out to stay with us for about 1 week each within the first month after LO is due to arrive. My OB  recommended that if they are staying with us they should also get vaccinated for flu and get an updated TDAP booster as well. I have already had both shots as has DH so we are in agreement that the more adults who will be around LO right after birth who are vaccinated the better. So here is where it gets tricky - my mother was diagnosed with non-curable Luekemia about 3.5 years ago and due to this has a severely weakened immune system. She was also diagnosed the exact same week my DH and I found out that we would be moving accross the country so it was a double blow for her as I'm an only child and she has never really gotten over me living so far away. She has had bad reactions to certain shots since her diagnosis and does not want to get the TDAP booster (but is willing to get the Flu shot). I tried to explain to her since she has a weakened immune system to begin with is even more of a reason to get the shot but she got very defensive with me and started to cry and said I just don't understand. She then said if it is so important that she get the booster she does not have to come. I feel like I'm in this aweful position now because its important to me that she get the booster (both for her well being and LOs) but this may very well be the only grandchild she will ever to get to see and I don't want her to miss out on this opportunity either. Money is really tight for my parents so them coming out during the Holiday season already is a big deal. What would you all do in this situation? She is a stubborn woman and I know she won't change her mind so I don't think readdressing it later will help. Are you all asking family and friends who will be around your baby for a decent amount of time to get these shots and is it a deal breaker if they don't? I know baby will get some protection from me directly. Am I just being too protective/paranoid (if there is such a thing with your baby!)??

cmrussell27

MY mom has undergone chemo for 4 years and she is going to talk to her dr this week about the Tdap shot as she already has to get the flu shot. I figure if for some reason her dr says no there are really only 2 months that the baby will not be covered as they get their first dTap shot at 2 months. I hope she discusses this with her dr and maybe he will put her mind at ease. I also presented it to my mom so that she's protected and less about the baby which I think helped her from getting defensive like I was trying to say she would purposefully get the baby sick. Hope this helps!

SoSweetTea1124

Check with your doctor and find out what the specs are on needing the Tdap vaccine. The vaccine may not even do its job for her... when people are immunocompromised their system may not be able to mount sufficient response to the immunization and the protection that that vaccine is supposed to give can be lessened. Have her talk to her doctor about it and you should talk to yours. I wouldn't freak out until you get all the facts first.

babymama619

If she is sensitive to the shot and already has a compromised system it seems you all can get it and help protect her! If money is the issue, then offer to pay for it. IMO, I'd want me mom with me, especially if I'm her only child. I agree with PPs, have her talk to her doc.

katmac17

This is a tough situation.  I am very, very pro-vaccine - the illnesses they prevent are rare, but can be devastating.  That said, these illnesses are rare, and so there are times when individual circumstances might factor in, for me.  Do you live in an area where there is a bad pertussis outbreak (eg, parts of California)?  

Pertussis can be sneaky because it can be quite mild in an adult, but very severe in an infant.  In an adult it usually presents as a pesky mild cough that sticks around for a few weeks.  

It depends how much you want her out there.  Is the risk slightly higher if she is not vaccinated?  Yes.  But if she is completely well without any cough symptoms at all is the risk pretty low?  Also yes.  It just depends on your own comfort level.  

meabtahi

Thanks ladies for your input - I'm checking to see if she has a DR. appointment scheduled before she is planning on visiting and will enlist my dad for help in bringing it up there. Hopefully he can put her mind at ease about getting one. If not I guess we will have to play it by ear and see how she is feeling and has any symptoms prior to coming out. If she is sick I guess I will unfortunately have to put my foot down and say she can't come - i'm just hoping she understands!

Barbercharm

She can still come to see the baby, even without the vaccine.. If you're really that freaked out about her not being vaccinated and being around the baby then just have your mom not get too close.. Or have her wash her hands and wear a mask any time she holds the baby. I think her being able to meet her first grandchild is worth those things...