ugh

NoeK

Sometimes when I write it out, its easier for me to let it go so know that I'm annoyed and being judge-y so bear with me

- First, my children are NOT problems so do not tell me the only thing preventing me from going out are my three "problems". I don't find that cute or funny ESPECIALLY when you said it in front of them, the baby may not have understood but the 8 and 11 year old did not appreciate it and neither did I.

- Second, Who the @#&* sleep trains a 7 week old by letting them CIO? And says they are just not going to be fed at night so they need to accept their lot in life?? Are you effin kidding me? If you are not going to attend to their needs and want them to "fend for themselves" (their words not mine) why the HELL did you have a baby??!

okay I'm done

PhieryBFly

NoeK said:

Sometimes when I write it out, its easier for me to let it go so know that I'm annoyed and being judge-y so bear with me

- First, my children are NOT problems so do not tell me the only thing preventing me from going out are my three "problems". I don't find that cute or funny ESPECIALLY when you said it in front of them, the baby may not have understood but the 8 and 11 year old did not appreciate it and neither did I.

- Second, Who the @#&* sleep trains a 7 week old by letting them CIO? And says they are just not going to be fed at night so they need to accept their lot in life?? Are you effin kidding me? If you are not going to attend to their needs and want them to "fend for themselves" (their words not mine) why the HELL did you have a baby??!

okay I'm done

That borders (or is) child abuse/negligent. I hope you were able to (calmly) educate them! There's a site I follow on Facebook called Evolutionary Parenting that may provide some good resources for that unfortunately mis-informed person!

NoeK

I tried and was told co-sleeping was "being a slave to a child"

st.augbride

I feel sad for their kids if they have any.

NoeK

yep. it was their OWN 7 week old they were referring to

NoeK

You hit the nail on the head, I like being with my family, I prefer being with my family. Anywho we are fairly close to them so I'm going to just try to forgive and forget.

tab1979

Wait, they aren't feeding their own baby at night? Did I read that right, or is my sleep deprivation kicking in?

NoeK

No they are not, she is "only' sleeping for a six hour stretch at night and they want her to sleep for 10. They will not feed her during the night.

musicalmama5

NoeK said:

No they are not, she is "only' sleeping for a six hour stretch at night and they want her to sleep for 10. They will not feed her during the night.

GASP! It's not physically healthy (not to mention emotionally) for a 7 week old to go that long without eating! They should be grateful for that 6 hour stretch, and leave it at that! Did they not realize that their lives would change when they became parents?

I think if I were you I would say something, gently, to them. 10 hours without food at 7 weeks is unimaginable. Their pediatrician would agree, I'm sure. Even the old-school Babywisers don't do this!

st.augbride

You might want to say how your pediatrician mentioned that eating through the night was normal and healthy at that age...

bullybutt

I wish I wouldn't have read this post now.  My blood is boiling on the second one and I would definitely put my "friendship" on the line over the CIO.  They are GD idiots and don't deserve their child if that is their "parenting" philosophy.  I hope that you are able to get through to them...or just cut your ties with such morons.

NoeK

I'm sorry I should have clarified that they are two separate situations. The first one was said by someone close to me, the second is someone I am not close to at all (we are on the same work site sometimes). But I am going to say something else to them because my stomach is in knots over this

tab1979

I'm thrilled when my 7 week old sleeps for four hours straight! Perhaps a call to Children's Aid? Hopefully they are keeping doctors appointments and the doctor will catch them!

JJ_13

I wouldn't advise them to co-sleep. You will likely just alienate them because that is so far from the way they believe in parenting that you won't be able to reach them. I would say something like, "I know that the way I parent is really different and you definitely don't need to do what I do, but I know that even my pediatrician said that until baby is 4 - 6 months, they really do need to eat at least a few times a night and that we shouldn't do CIO untl 6 months old. Personally, I can't do CIO, but from what I understand, even the most mainstream docs don't think you should do it until closer to 6 months of age. I know it's SO hard in these early weeks and it's really hard to see this when you're in the middle of it, but it will pass and I would just really encourage you to feed your baby more often during the night. Let me know if I can help at all."

I don't mean this as flame-y at all (I'm a big supporter of co-sleeping if it is what is working for the baby and mama) but if you just encourage them to co-sleep, they will write you off as a cray-cray-hippie-mama. ;-)

PhieryBFly

I thought of this thread immediately when I saw an article today specifically about a new collection of studies that specifically proved that CIO is not at all helpful (and is harmful) in the early months. The study only researched up to the age of 6 months but still, it's something you could show this person... that they're making matters worse in the long run.

Article about Study: https://evolutionaryparenting.com/proving-the-harm-in-early-sleep-training/ 

Actual Study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24042081

Lolalipsy

NoeK said:

No they are not, she is "only' sleeping for a six hour stretch at night and they want her to sleep for 10. They will not feed her during the night.

That's made me feel ill. How could they?! It's just beyond my comprehension. Selfish prats.

Emerald27

That's very sad.

Babies have such tiny tummies. That truly is torture:

NoeK

I made some other inquiries and basically was told although its ill advised...they are within their rights.
It just breaks my heart.
But I did forward the article about the study.

PhieryBFly

NoeK said:

I made some other inquiries and basically was told although its ill advised...they are within their rights.
It just breaks my heart.
But I did forward the article about the study.

Thank you for doing that. This behavior was (is) bothering me. At least now they're being presented with info so maybe they can make informed choices.

opheliainwaders

NoeK said:

I made some other inquiries and basically was told although its ill advised...they are within their rights.
It just breaks my heart.
But I did forward the article about the study.

Re: STTN, this is probably over the line for most people, but do you know who their pedi is? Could you call and talk to him/her about your concerns, so the doctor can bring it up to the is a/he thinks it's warranted? I just can't stop thinking of that poor hungry baby...

Meganequine

gulickr said:

I made some other inquiries and basically was told although its ill advised...they are within their rights.
It just breaks my heart.
But I did forward the article about the study.

Re: STTN, this is probably over the line for most people, but do you know who their pedi is? Could you call and talk to him/her about your concerns, so the doctor can bring it up to the is a/he thinks it's warranted? I just can't stop thinking of that poor hungry baby...

I would hope that the pedi would refuse to talk with you.  Not because your concern aren't completely valid, but because it crosses so many confidentiality lines.  (And actually, many of the posters on the AP board get offended when their doctor even asks questions about sleep and sttn, so wouldn't that not be the doctors business as it's a "parenting choice".)

OP-- I totally get and am equally annoyed by people who seem to think their children are a big inconvenience to their lives.  I love having child free time, but I'm not bummed if I miss out on a night of adult fun because I'm cuddling with my family at home. 

musicalmama5

Meganequine said:

gulickr said:

I made some other inquiries and basically was told although its ill advised...they are within their rights.
It just breaks my heart.
But I did forward the article about the study.

Re: STTN, this is probably over the line for most people, but do you know who their pedi is? Could you call and talk to him/her about your concerns, so the doctor can bring it up to the is a/he thinks it's warranted? I just can't stop thinking of that poor hungry baby...

I would hope that the pedi would refuse to talk with you.  Not because your concern aren't completely valid, but because it crosses so many confidentiality lines.  (And actually, many of the posters on the AP board get offended when their doctor even asks questions about sleep and sttn, so wouldn't that not be the doctors business as it's a "parenting choice".)

OP-- I totally get and am equally annoyed by people who seem to think their children are a big inconvenience to their lives.  I love having child free time, but I'm not bummed if I miss out on a night of adult fun because I'm cuddling with my family at home. 

But I think the issue here is the baby being hungry, not a STTN issue. In which case, it IS the pediatrician's business. A 7 week old baby needs to EAT at night. 

erbear

A doctor cannot speak to you about another patient. It's illegal (and frankly bizarre).

OP, you can't really regulate how other people parent. You can say "hey this is what we do" but ultimately, unless they are abusing their child, people get to make parenting decisions themselves.

tab1979

Is it considered abuse to withhold food from a child? I think so.

opheliainwaders

erbear said:

A doctor cannot speak to you about another patient. It's illegal (and frankly bizarre).

OP, you can't really regulate how other people parent. You can say "hey this is what we do" but ultimately, unless they are abusing their child, people get to make parenting decisions themselves.

oh, totally agreed. I don't think the doctor would say anything at all to the OP, but if this baby is not being fed, I'd argue that's something that should be reported to a medical professional. I don't think it should be a conversation with the doctor, and whether the doctor follows up is his/her perogative.

NoeK

I checked, apparently what they are doing is not illegal and I have no clue who their pediatrician is. A bit of good news though...I sent the article and they replied that it was very informative. So hopefully...

NoeK

I understand what you mean, the way I approached it was to inquire if the "advice I received from a relative" was correct, and I was told that it was not considered abuse and although not advised the final decision would be up to me if I choose to heed the "advice". I didn't say oh such and such is doing this to their kid kwim?

I believe that letting them know what iI thought and forwarding the article is about the limit of what I can do. If they ever bring it up again I will again make my position known. It hurts me not to be able to help more, but that's just the way it is and I have to accept that.