Help her to sleep with out CIO

nikkisrf

LO is 4 months.  She used to STTN but in the last month she has been waking every 2 hours or less to be held and comforted back to sleep.  While I dont mind this and I am not sleep deprived I just wish I could help her sleep.  The doctor reccommended trying to let her cry it out as well as other people who have been telling us we need to try it to get her to sleep better. 

We did try it and after ten min we couldnt do it anymore.  I just dont feel this method is right for us.  So for those of you that feel the same how can I help her get to sleep through the night?  She also doesnt nap long either.  Thanks for all your help and suggestions. 

I am EBF with DH feeding her bottles while im away at work.  She still sleeps in our room in her rock and sleeper. 

HarleyKins

Have you looked into 4 month sleep regression? Our daughter slept great (up 1x a night) until she hit about 4 months. For a week or so she was up every few hours. It was rough, to say the least. I slept better when she was a newborn! 

Check out this link from Kelly Mom about this stage. 

I am personally not in favor of CIO - especially at this age. Our LO will be 5 months on Friday and gets up 1x a night. 

Hang in there, it's just a phase!

nikkisrf

Thank you, that was helpful.  I will tend to her "i need mommy" for as long as she needs and do what I feel is best.  THe link was very helpful!

Snapdragon750

Laurendag said:

At this age it really isn't recommended to let them CIO. It causes feelings of desertion and abandonment. At least that's what the stupid parenting book said.  

Not to sound snarky, but that really is a stupid parenting book. Desertion and abandonment are complex emotional concepts that 4 month olds are completely incapable of having.  In fact, without object permanence, once you've left the room they don't really know you even exist anymore, so it's totally impossible to feel abandoned.

That said, I totally get not being comfortable letting a 4 month old CIO.  The key to helping your baby sleep better is keeping her well-rested, because when she gets overtired it's harder to sleep.  Try to anticipate her drowsy times (at 4 months probably around 9, around 1, and maybe around 4-5 or maybe up until bedtime) and start up to a half-hour soothing period BEFORE that time rather than waiting until she gets cranky to put her down.

FWIW, this didn't work for my own LOs past a certain age (I want to say at around 3 or 3 1/2 months), because the soothing period made them upset (they knew what was coming!), so I really had no choice but to put them down crying.  It's awful to listen to them cry, but hey, they both STTN at 3 months old and stayed that way.

SLP mama

You could try the Baby Whisperer's book/method of shhh-ing and patting her in her crib during the day to teach her to fall asleep there. If she freaks, you pick her up and calm her, then put her back. It worked with my older 2 and is going well w/ #3. He still wakes once a night at times, but it could be teeth, or who know what. When he wakes any time at night, I still feed him back to sleep.

vvolek

my LO went through a phase where she only wanted to be held to fall asleep and as soon as she was put down she would wake back up. we tried a simple method of putting one of my shirts in her bassinet like a sheet and she sleeps wonderfully! sometimes the smell gives them a comforting feeling that you are near by. I'm a FTM so I'm trying new things out and it seems to work wonders. I don't let her CIO-I can't bear to hear it nor do I think she's old enough to go thru that. During the night if she becomes fussy I fix her a few oz and she's back to sleep in no time. I make sure the room stays dark to let her know it's still "sleep time". during the day she is in a well lit room to differentiate!

Snapdragon750

Laurendag said:

Snapdragon750 said:

Laurendag said:

At this age it really isn't recommended to let them CIO. It causes feelings of desertion and abandonment. At least that's what the stupid parenting book said.  

Not to sound snarky, but that really is a stupid parenting book. Desertion and abandonment are complex emotional concepts that 4 month olds are completely incapable of having.  In fact, without object permanence, once you've left the room they don't really know you even exist anymore, so it's totally impossible to feel abandoned.

Also not to sound snarky, but children as young as 3mo can develop object permanence. My 4mo is a prime example. He can and will cry for certain toys, even when he cannot see them. That is, by definition, object permanence. (The term object permanence is used to describe a child's ability to know that objects continue to exist even though they can no longer be seen or heard.)

Really, honestly and truly, not trying to snark.

Well admittedly now I'm just picking, but crying for something out of sight is not exactly the definition of object permanence.  First, he might just be crying in general and it happens to be that this particular toy makes him happy.  Or he could easily remember the toy, wish he had it, and cry for frustration that he doesn't have it, without understanding that it still exists. 

Anyway, the subject came up constantly (for some reason) in my child development classes, and it's pretty clear from many studies that there's no real object permanence at this age.  If you don't want to CIO that's totally fine and understandable, especially so young, but the reasons not to do it shouldn't be based on an incorrect understanding of child development.

(I really hope this didn't sound condescending but I'm pretty sure it did. Sorry. )

Lolalipsy

I'm pretty sure baillargeon showed some understanding of the object concept in 2.5mo infants. Granted it's difficult to pair it with a complex emotion such as abandonment.

Pitterpatter44

So definition of object permanence aside since it really doesn't matter why OP doesn't want to try CIO...

Try skimming through the Happiest Baby sleep guide (Harvey Karp). I was having the same issues but crying it out was not for us, except as an absolute last resort. I liked the book because it went through all different methods - not just CIO vs not.

Happy to say after just a week of no CIO, LO is sleeping soooooo much better!

Good luck!!

Schell2013

Sounds like regression. I don't like CiO I am a sucker. When my LO was going through 4 month sleep regression she was impossible to get to sleep. I would let her fuss a few minutes then I would go get her, I did this for a few weeks until it passed and now magically she just falls asleep on her own. It's like she had to go through the regression to get better at bed time? Maybe this is your babies case too

VPGIRL06

I'm pretty sure this is completely common. Your choices are either to ride this out (my kiddo went through it a few weeks then sleep patterns changed) OR you might have to sleep train if this continues and your baby isn't getting the sleep they need. 

 I do agree with the poster who mentioned change-honestly, the only constant we have is that my baby will go down between 7-7:30 and sleep until at least 6. Sometimes she goes that where she'll until 7, sometimes she's up right at 6 ready to party. From 4-6 months she did 2 naps of at least 1.5 hours, then for the past 3 weeks she took 3 short naps a day.  She's back to 2 naps. We will see for how long

opheliainwaders

lizabethann06 said:

@laurendag mine was for The person who said that abandonment and desertion cannot be felt by 4 month olds. They absolutely can. Sounds like you and I are on the same page

I'm with you guys...wouldn't their lack of object permanence mean they think they're totally alone, and can't understand that mommy is in the next room?

mshukh

Can anyone direct me to any research that shows CIO can cause feelings of abandonment and other harm in infants?

Greatly appreciated! 

Lolalipsy

mshukh said:

Can anyone direct me to any research that shows CIO can cause feelings of abandonment and other harm in infants?

Greatly appreciated! 

This isn't the best written piece in the world but it does mention some articles that could start your search. They'll lead to some refutations as well so you can form your own opinion. https://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

mshukh

Thanks much!!

opheliainwaders

mshukh said:

Can anyone direct me to any research that shows CIO can cause feelings of abandonment and other harm in infants?

Greatly appreciated! 

There's a blog called Evolutionary Parenting that does a good job reviewing primary source material. Also check out ISIS, an infant sleep research project in the UK.

Lolalipsy

gulickr said:

mshukh said:

Can anyone direct me to any research that shows CIO can cause feelings of abandonment and other harm in infants?

Greatly appreciated! 

There's a blog called Evolutionary Parenting that does a good job reviewing primary source material. Also check out ISIS, an infant sleep research project in the UK.

Thanks. I don't know how I forgot about ISIS when I go to Durham university :::shame on me:::

aibrean

We had a few nights where we had to bed share. To do it safely we bought this: https://www.amazon.com/Leachco-Baby-Go-Round-Deluxe-Four-Way-Bumper/dp/B003F1P7HM/ref=sr_1_57?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1381324891&sr=1-57&keywords=leachco

You pretty much have to have a king size bed and not mind sleeping on your side, but it's a lot better than no sleep at all. We also use it in her pack and play to sleep on because it's got light foam which makes a much firmer and flat surface. It has multiple positions so it can grow with her. It's also good for tummy time.

We can't do CIO. We tried and at about 40 minutes I came in and it took her about 5 to calm down (she was pretty much hyperventilating). Actually not doing CIO caused her to sleep by herself through the night quicker.