Husband's Support

orijinale

Hi Ladies,

My husband is a medicine freak. If he gets a runny nose he will not wait it out and use home remedies he will grab a bottle of Nyquil and chug. Anyway, I want a natural birth and his response to me was, "For what? Why go through all that pain if you don't have to?" My answers clearly are not convincing. I need a better support system than this. I think if I was in too much pain he would tell the doctor to take me in for a c-section and get it over with. How do I convince him to be on my team regardless of his beliefs?

ncbelle

First - you might want to get a doula

Second - I'd have him do some reading and take a quality childbirth class with you.  Even if he would do it differently, he needs to support your choices (given that it's your body!).

hecklet

Do you have Netflix? Try to get him to watch "The Business of Being Born" documentary. A doula is a great option as well as birthing classes.

huntjul

ncbelle said:

First - you might want to get a doula

Second - I'd have him do some reading and take a quality childbirth class with you.  Even if he would do it differently, he needs to support your choices (given that it's your body!).

This -- definitely both of these things.

orijinale

I have seriously considered a doula. Hmmmm

JCWhitey

Yeah, you need a doula.  My DH was 100% on board with my NB plans and is not a medicine chugger by any means, and he still wasn't the greatest support during labor.  He tried but was very overwhelmed.  My Mom stepped up and rocked it as my support partner and I could not have done it without her.  I had hired a doula but she was on vacation when I went into labor (9 days early).  So I'm grateful I had my Mom.

Also, I didn't really have a lot of pain.  Maybe for an hour when going through transition, but otherwise it was definitely uncomfortable, but not nearly as bad as recovery from a c-section would have been.  I don't get why people think c-sections are so easy.  It's major surgery that requires 3-4 days of recovery in the hospital and a couple of weeks outside of it.  Even epidurals require a little more recovery after the fact.  Yeah, you may be in some pain and discomfort during labor, but it'll be short lived.  After I had my son I was out of bed within a couple of hours to shower and socialize with my visitors, laughing, smiling and surprisingly comfortable.  I'd much rather be in that condition then stuck in bed for days while an incision heals (if I can help it!).

hlm184

Business of Being Born really opened my DH's eyes to the fact that there are more things involved than "if it hurts, take medicine."  The movie in and of itself wasn't convincing, but it opened him to further research and the like.

orijinale

shanbp said:

My husband is exactly the same way. I hired a doula, because I know the minute I start to question myself in labor he'd encourage me to just get an epi. Not what I want. He knows that he wouldn't be enough support and is fully on board with the doula

Your husband is smarter than mine!!! This lack of support makes me want to just leave him until she gets here. I am so sick of being by myself making these kinds of decisions.

aylafsu88

My H was the same way.  He thought that pain medication, interventions, and inductions are all aimed at helping mom and did not see anything wrong with them.  A couple of things changed his mind.  First, I sat down with him and had a talked about what I wanted and why.  I told him it was important to me to be med/intervention free.  I also told him that if the baby was seriously in danger (like prolapsed cord, I went past 41 weeks 5 days etc) that I would consent to any and all interventions for our baby.  After we had our talk he was much more supportive.  We also took the Bradley class.  In the class he learned about birth and how one intervention can lead to a cascade of interventions and possibly even a C/S.  The class helped ease his fears and made him realize that birth is a process and not something to be scared of.  We had a great birth and my H even wants a home birth for our #2!

I agree with a doula.  My H was not sold on the idea of a doula until we meet with a few.  Once he spoke with them and got an idea about what they can do for both of us during labor he was on board with the idea.

babyLOLO13

I'd pull up articles and research for him to look over that talk about the benefits of a natural birth.  I agree with PP's on hiring a doula.  You need your DH to be supportive in labor and with whatever decisions you want to make.  

mrscountry527

My DH said the exact same thing! He's not the best support person but he's the only one I have and want there. I cannot afford a doula. What I've done is tell him my wishes and he has since made comments that have reassured me he will help me stick to my wishes when things get tough. He may not be on board with it, but he wants me to have what I want. Only time will tell how he acts in the moment!

mrscountry527

Update to my comment: I delivered yesterday evening and DH stepped up and told no when I was in transition and saying I couldn't do it. He made sure to give the nurses my birth plan and kept reminding me of my wants. So, point is, don't underestimate your DH!

orijinale

I agree not to count him out but my birth partner has basically said I am crazy for wanting to do this and disagrees. Not too comforting. He said he will watch the movie with me though so there is a glimmer of hope.

orijinale

mrscountry527 said:

Update to my comment: I delivered yesterday evening and DH stepped up and told no when I was in transition and saying I couldn't do it. He made sure to give the nurses my birth plan and kept reminding me of my wants. So, point is, don't underestimate your DH!

Congrats on your new arrival btw.

mrsblueeyes

mrscountry527 said:

Update to my comment: I delivered yesterday evening and DH stepped up and told no when I was in transition and saying I couldn't do it. He made sure to give the nurses my birth plan and kept reminding me of my wants. So, point is, don't underestimate your DH!

Congratulations!

pdilly2b

Agree with many pps, but wanted also to add:

I think a common misperception about birth is that you either have pain (med free) or have the same birth without pain (epidural). It sounds like this is what your husband thinks. 

Maybe reading/research will help him realize that this is not true and that getting an epidural can fundamentally change how your birth goes (ocassionally for the better, but often for the worse with stalling, need for pit which can stress out the baby, or less effective options for pushing) and that's what you're trying to avoid.

HannahsHope

First I will say is this- the ladies that suggest a doula are spot on. It is impossible to achieve a natural birth without a STRONG support person/coach. I did not hire a doula, but my husband was incredibly supportive. Had he not been, I would have definitely hired one. 

Second, the The Business of Being Born is an incredibly eye opening look at maternity care. I suggest you watch it together. If he agrees to support your decision for a natural birth, buy the book The Birth Partner. Its a hefty read, so don't make him read all of it. But definiately the chapter on "comfort measures" is necessary, and will teach him how to support you.