Moving on....((DD mentioned))...

NataliasMOM0214

Good morning ladies....

I just wanted to drop a note and see how everyone is feeling (read some of the drama of last night...unreal!).  I, too, am a little down.  I had a loss 5 weeks ago as my baby was 21 weeks along, and I just had AF rear her head a few days ago (which surprisingly made me happy...as if my body is starting to regulate...but considering how I hated seeing AF a year ago, I never thought I'd feel this way).  But I'm just so frightened to try again.  I have a 4 year old DD (and had no issues whatsoever so I figured this would be the same!), and telling her what happened was the hardest thing I've ever/we've ever done (and she still asks questions!).  How do you move on from a loss like this?  And how do you not fear the worst again? It's just so incredibly scary, and I wish everyone on this board the absolute best as no one should experience such loss and pain:(  Wanted to just vent a little, and seek anyone's advice on how to move forward...hope that's ok.  Take care.

clh4444

I am so sorry you had to go through this and I know it is hard when your other little one asks those questions. I think it just takes time to come to terms and be able to move on. Take time to grieve. Don't think the process is linear, some days you will feel able to move on and then you might have some really bad days emotionally. And that's ok.

PinkCamino

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My first loss was at 21 weeks too. These types of later loss come with a different types of fears. In my case, I feel fortunate that I at least know the reason for my loss. I found a great amount of comfort in finding a new doctor who specializes in my issue and who told me she would do whatever she possibly could to help me get my rainbow. 

((hugs))

buggirl72

It truly is one day at a time - sometimes just one moment at a time. The loss board can be very helpful for communicating with other women who are going through the grief of a later loss. You may also want to check with your local hospital to see if they have a pregnancy loss support group. I did get a book, Empty Cradle, Broken Heart that was recommended to me.

I am one year out and I know I will never be over this, but the pain does lesson. In the first weeks and months it was important to me to express what I was feeling that was upsetting me (either to my husband or by writing it down). Once I gave voice to whatever it was, it helped move on from that exact trigger. I also had a candle that was for my son that I lit at special times and did other things in his memory.

As far as trying again. I'm AMA and was operating on a very old IF diagnosis when I found out I was pg with him. We decided to try again as soon as our doctor cleared us. I made a game plan with my MFM on what we would do with a subsequent pregnancy. I have had two early losses (believed to be based on poor egg quality and not related to my later loss) since then. I can say that feeling like you must have a BFP by a certain date makes things worse. It adds to much pressure and it does not reduce the grief for the child you lost.

Many (((hugs))) and be gentle on yourself as you continue on this journey.

alleycat39

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you are able to find comfort and strength here in the weeks to come.