MIL--would u be annoyed? (Long)

Socialworkgirl

Ugh, this got super long... sorry! MIL tends to be attention seeking and will also play one family member against another. DH and I just don't let it happen with us. Background is MIL sent DH this kind of passive aggressive email about how she was worried about us moving into an apartment on Thursday, the night before we went to go see apartments where we are moving. She had already made her opinion known about this and DH told her back then that we want to live in an apartment and it would be fine. DH wrote her back and basically said its fine, mind your own business (but in a nice way).

Then, she emails on Saturday morning saying, "it's the pest again, I can't stop thinking about how you guys are doing, can you give me any tidbits of info? Is DD doing okay? Is she eating and sleeping?" and leaves a voicemail while we are eating lunch before driving home saying the same thing.

DH called her back tonight after we got home, told them all about the apartment, etc. MIL told him she wants to come visit in December. DH tells her, "we are going to an oot wedding in December, I don't know the date, let me check with S (me) and i will get back to you."

Here is the email she sent just to me, not DH tonight. the pictures are pictures i posted on my Iphone shared stream that all the grandparents can see. She had already put comments on most of the pictures on the photostream...

"Awesome pictures, thank you. Our little girl is getting so big. All the pics in her new little dress are adorable.

I think y'all did good on your apt choice. I think the 3 rd bedroom used as a study/ gym/ extra space room will come in handy.

Can I come to visit during the week of Dec 9? Just me, for maybe 3 days. DH said you guys have a wedding to go to. He wasn't sure of the date. Please let me know.

Love & miss you,"

Would you be annoyed that MIL came to you without including DH's email address after DH told her he would get back to her? I just kind of feel like, why wouldn't you just wait until DH got back to you or at least copy him on the email. And from her email, you could interpret it that DH told her to ask me rather than telling her that he would get back to her. She knows that we have separate emails and don't really read each other's email. My parents would never do something like this, but I don't know if I am being overly sensitive. It's not that big of a deal, but I just find it slightly annoying.

I'm thinking I will let DH talk to her about December and then after they get the date set, I will just respond to her email and say "glad you guys settled on this date, can't wait to see you, glad you enjoyed the pics" or something along those lines. It might be totally innocent, but I kind of think she thinks I might be more likely to say oh yeah go ahead and come even if it is immediately before or after we get back whereas DH might be less flexible.

AimeeL85

Sometimes it's hard without knowing the person, whether they were trying to be sneaky or whatnot.  Maybe she thinks DH wouldn't remember to check with you and get back to her, since you know how some guys are....but then again, she sounds a little irritating from the other things you talked about, so who knows.   Does she live far away that she really needs to plan this far in advance for a December visit?

lexusolsen

I would be annoyed but I think how you plan to handle it will be fine. Are you guys loving further away from her? She seems like she is anxious about your move.

mrsnorthernbell

I wouldn't be annoyed but again I gave a great relationship with my mil. Sure she can get annoying every once in a while but overall I'm blessed to have her. My mil would do that. She might just assume you guys already talked about her visiting and dh hadn't gotten back to her yet and since she's already having a conversation with you she might as well ask.

bridein08

I have a terrible relationship with my MIL, and this email wouldn't bother me at all. She annoys me in general, but I think this email is innocent.

Spin313

I wouldn't really be annoyed. MIL knows I am the keeper of the calendar, so she usually asks me when she wants to make plans...even if she's asked DH, too.

Socialworkgirl

So apparently,this is really subjective, given the range of responses. We live about 12 hours away now, and we won't be much closer or farther away when we move. My IL's just generally worry about everything regardless of whether there is truly something to worry about. I will just make DH call her back today and then respond to her email.

there is a decent chance it is 100% innocent, but I have seen her do lots of things that seem really innocent and maybe they are but have the impact of playing family members against each other, and I really don't want to play into all that. There is SO much drama in their family and DH and I work really hard to stay out of it.

Andrewsgal

No that would not irritate me at all.

Socialworkgirl

I Heart The 80s said:

I fail to see the issue. What exactly is she doing that's so annoying?

Last night it bugged me that she and DH talked about it on the phone and he said he would talk with me about it and let her know. Last night I felt like her email was going around him.

However, it was late last night when I got the email. I was tired and already a little annoyed with her multiple emails to DH over the weekend about how worried she was that us moving into an apartment would be a disaster and not the best thing for DD. Reading it today I do recognize it's not the big deal it seemed last night and was probably innocent. I'm still going to make DH decide on the dates he wants her to come and get back to her though. :P It really doesn't matter to me when she comes but DH will be annoyed if it is super close to when we leave or return from the wedding and I don't want to be the middle man.

notkateanymore

I would not be annoyed that she emailed me only, since my FIL does it all the time. I know our schedule, so why use a middle man. 

She doesn't sound like she's easy to deal with, but she really doesn't sound all that bad either. I think you're being a little sensitive.

Andrewsgal

I agree I am the scheduler in our family as you are since your DH said he needed to check with you. Seems like she was going to the source.

Socialworkgirl

KateMW said:

I would not be annoyed that she emailed me only, since my FIL does it all the time. I know our schedule, so why use a middle man. 

She doesn't sound like she's easy to deal with, but she really doesn't sound all that bad either. I think you're being a little sensitive.

She has her moments that be drives me absolutely up the wall because she can be really overbearing, but she really is a nice person and really good to me. I think often, she does alot of stuff to sabotage herself in her relationships but she doesn't know how to not do it. We have had a good amount of drama with the IL's lately (MIL was recently arrested, FIL didn't speak to DH for a couple months because he was mad DH didn't call him before he opened a package FIL sent him but DH couldn't reach him at the time and it had perishables in it, and there is some other random stuff too).

anyway, there is some real drama but DH bears 99 percent of it--I just hear about it. I think I am a bit sensitive because of that stuff, but I shouldn't let it cloud all my interactions with MIL.

But, I get it. I am being silly about this. Her email was fine and I shouldn't have thought twice about it.

Dochas

I think you are way overreacting.  Good Lord, it's an e-mail.

lexusolsen

It sounds to me like it was the nail in the coffin. Didn't you mention that she has been contacting you guys all weekend second guessing your decision to move? And that DH has been handling it but she went around him when she didn't get what she wanted? Maybe it's because I have a pretty crappy relationship with my Mil but I can see how she has been a pita this weekend.

Socialworkgirl

LalaMama81 said:

I think the original messages about how worried she was, calling herself the pest would annoy me far more than the email she sent to you. Like others have said, he said he had to ask you and she hadn't even told him the date, right? So, she saw the pics, decide to email saying how cute she was and ask specifically about the date.

I think you are looking to be annoyed when she is just acting normal. 

Yeah, I think it was just that I was annoyed with her about the other stuff and just looking for something else to be annoyed with her about.

kristal2012

I'd be more inclined to think she was trying to be sneaky if she *didn't* mention already discussing this with your husband. 

Since she acknowledged that she had already brought it up to him and he wasn't sure, I just read it as her taking the opportunity to bring it up to you as well (in case he forgot to mention it, perhaps?) so you could consider it.

2-Step

I wouldn't think this was sneaky at all. I would assume that she knows you will both talk about it and since he said he had to ask you about dates that maybe you would be the person to go to for the info. Give her the benefit of the doubt and have your DH get back to her. Seems like maybe her past behavior has you reading into this more than you should. I don't see anything wrong with her communicating with you directly about a visit, even if it is a little redundant. I prefer to be included in this type of thing so I am in the loop.