Spinning Baby

Jam33

Let me start of by saying DH doesn't enjoy taking care of DS at all. If he has to look after him while I take a shower or wash dishes or whatever, he'll put him down or sit him in his lap and let him cry. For the last month, he's been putting DS in his exersaucer and when DS gets fussy, DH will spin him around in his exersaucer really fast to get him to stop crying rather than pick him up or try to figure out what's wrong. I didn't like it, but only because I would rather he pick the baby up and feed him or comfort him and give him what he needs until I get back rather than just doing that and ignoring him. I was talking to my mother today and she said spinning a baby like that is almost as bad as shaking him. I love my mom and I almost always take her advice but she's been wrong before and everything I've read is so contradictory. Half of the articles say it's alright and the other half say it's extremely dangerous. I don't know what to believe. I told DH that spinning baby was bad for him, but he's been giving us the silent treatment for the last three days so I don't know if he even heard me and if he heard me, I don't know if he'll stop doing it. He might keep doing it just to spite me. Is it dangerous?

MrsBWG

I don't know if it's dangerous, but I'd guess it is.  But sweetheart, it sounds like you have some bigger underlying issues here.  Do the two of you still have a relationship, or are you fully committed to the baby?  Does he have some jealousy issues over baby? (My hubby actually knows a man who left his wife because he was jealous of the baby.)  You and DH need to have a heart to heart and find out why it is that he isn't spending this time bonding with his little one.  I'm so sorry you have to be going through this, and he absolutely isn't treating your child with love, but you guys need to work out the cause of his behavior first.  I wish you luck, and I'll be praying for you all.

LisaLisa1980

MrsBWG said:

I don't know if it's dangerous, but I'd guess it is.  But sweetheart, it sounds like you have some bigger underlying issues here.  Do the two of you still have a relationship, or are you fully committed to the baby?  Does he have some jealousy issues over baby? (My hubby actually knows a man who left his wife because he was jealous of the baby.)  You and DH need to have a heart to heart and find out why it is that he isn't spending this time bonding with his little one.  I'm so sorry you have to be going through this, and he absolutely isn't treating your child with love, but you guys need to work out the cause of his behavior first.  I wish you luck, and I'll be praying for you all.

THIS.

jayro10

MrsBWG said:

But sweetheart, it sounds like you have some bigger underlying issues here.

=D>

OP, your husband's behavior is effed up.

pgros005

That is abuse. Get the baby out.

Lolalipsy

jayro10 said:

MrsBWG said:

But sweetheart, it sounds like you have some bigger underlying issues here.

=D>

OP, your husband's behavior is effed up.

I don't like the sound of him at all. Either you're portraying him to be an absolutely heartless father or he really is one. If he's even remotely like that I wouldn't be leaving my baby with him full stop. Not even for a second.

Ridgebackmom

Next time he does it, take the baby OUT and say--"Stop doing this, its not good for him/babies." Suggest that if he can't happily hold the baby or bounce/rock him then you'll take him. This irks me. 

pantsarella

I don't know what the situation is with your husband. Honestly, if I took some of DH's behavior out of context it might sound really bad. I'm hoping that's what this is. But honestly, if he was doing something that I told him was likely dangerous and I was just uncomfortable with he would stop doing it. And if he put our child's safety in danger just to spite me? That would be it for me. You are the mother to that man's child- NOT his mother. It's like you told him not to touch the hot stove, so he had to touch it. And sorry, but you don't get to give the silent treatment when you have a child. 

I'm hoping that your DH isn't just a bad person and is just uncomfortable around babies. DH definitely didn't know what to do with DD for a while and thought it just came more naturally to me (it didn't- I've never been around babies). I gave him some concrete directions on what I did to soothe her (i.e. hold her like this, move like this, etc). And I still have to redirect him sometimes when she's clearly bored and starting to fuss. 

Did you two take a parenting class together? I think that helped DH at least know how to do the basics. You can also take him to the pediatrician with you and ask about the spinning. Maybe if he hears it from a doctor he'll stop. Regardless, I'd be very careful and rethink leaving him alone with the baby if he's unwilling to listen to your concerns.