So I kinda suck.

thatoneredhead

Ive been sick all week. Drained. Worn to the bone. Hubby worked 7 days in a row. Im half dead and have been for oh, like 3 days. Last night was the last straw. LO kept waking up like every half an hour and then our car alarm decided to go off randomly at 2am for all of our apartment complex (it does this on its own). I couldnt find the keys and literally broke down in our living room.

Today, LO was so freaking fussy that he woke up my husband (works nights) and pretty much threw a constant fit for about 30 min. I was somehow keeping it together, but then we went to get something to eat. LO was of course getting fussy sitting in his chair. Why on earth would the menu and water entertain him like every other time? Ludicrous. So I pulled him out of his chair and stormed to the car to find something to entertain him. When I came in, I realized that I was getting judged for how roughly I pulled LO out of his chair and it pretty much broke my heart. LO was awesome once we got our food. It was the best time we've had out since he was tiny.

Most of the time, LO's angry crying and screaming instantly enrages me. I understand why he is behaving the way he is and I understand that Im not taking care of myself. I feel defeated and out of control of myself and of him. I guess this is a more of a vent, but I guess Im struggling on how to keep it together when I desperately need a break, yet I dont see one in sight. Motherhood is kicking my trash and I hate this feeling.

unaveragejane

Motherhood kicks all our tales at one time or another. It sounds like you're having to do it all by yourself, and that makes it infinitely harder. Don't beat yourself up about it. You don't suck; you're dealing with a loaded deck! And definitely don't feel alone. I still get to a point when DS whines/fusses/screams long enough that I am so frustrated I scream and cry. It's not pretty, and I'm not proud of it, but we all have breaking points. I know you've probably thought about this already, but consider trying to find a mom's group or playgroup. We've discovered the children's garden at the library. Even though the storytime kind of sucks b/c the ladies who lead it are always telling the kids to sit down, (Hello, they're all toddlers, not even preschoolers!) we try to go once a week b/c DS loves the garden so much. And honestly it makes me feel a little bit of relief when I see other moms who have to say, "Don't eat the rocks," 1,807 times. I hope that you feel better soon, too. It sucks to be sick and have to do anything, especially take care of a toddler.

Samiantha101

You don't suck. And honestly, I doubt you were getting judged as much as you thought. Seriously, all the women on the bump who judge and "side eye" are nothing short of ridiculous. I'm sure most parents can relate to your situation. It's going to be ok!

acbfreire

I can relate. There are days that I am so tired and it is hard to do it alone. We all have our rough days! No judging here.

JessieCupcake

*hugs* You do not suck. You have a lot on your plate with being sick, sleep deprived, and taking care of your LO by yourself with your H working so much.

Anyone who judges you can go shove it. Do not let them get to you. They are not worth a second thought.

I know it's easier said than done but maybe next time your H has a day off, try to have some alone time while he watches LO. Even if it's for a couple of hours. You deserve it.

I hope you feel better soon!

thatoneredhead

You guys rock. Thanks

I got to sleep last night and feel infinitely better. 

DawnLilly

Next time I see this happen in a restaurant to someone else, I'm going to buy their lunch and write on the receipt "shit happens". Hang in there DS has been a ray of fricken sunshine this week too.

salbabe79

i haven't been feeling 100% and eva has been miserable since her MMR vaccine and yesterday all she wanted to do was touch me & it finally irritated the crap out of me.  Luckily my mom was going to a farmers market and took her with her.
it happens to everyone.

unaveragejane

I totally just lost my schmidt on DS. He was a total mess all last week b/c of a cold, and things finally started getting better yesterday. Then when I finally thought all was clear, he started screaming again this morning about every little tiny thing that pissed him off. I finally snapped and screamed back. It did not improve the situation. I then had to try to make it through his pre-nap story without sobbing that I am such a loser at motherhood. SUCH a loser. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it to myself. Anyway, to distract myself without devouring a box of ice cream, I got online and found this. I feel marginally better now.
https://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2010/05/mommy-will-lose-it-advisory-system.html

jess9802

Sometimes I feel like all I do is chase DS around the house saying, "No, don't touch that, hands off, not for babies, no no no no." He kicks and screams when I try to change his diaper. He fights being put in the car seat or the high chair. He kicks and screams when I try to put him to bed. He is really into Daddy right now, so even when he is in a good mood he mostly wants to be with DH. I finally told DH one of the reasons I'm disinclined to wean at this point is because the five minutes of nursing in the morning and just before bed are about the only times I get to snuggle and really play with DS and have a good time. The rest of the time I feel unwanted or impatient and I feel awful about it. And if I haven't had enough sleep I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with him, which makes me feel worse.

acbfreire

jess9802 said:

Sometimes I feel like all I do is chase DS around the house saying, "No, don't touch that, hands off, not for babies, no no no no." He kicks and screams when I try to change his diaper. He fights being put in the car seat or the high chair. He kicks and screams when I try to put him to bed. He is really into Daddy right now, so even when he is in a good mood he mostly wants to be with DH. I finally told DH one of the reasons I'm disinclined to wean at this point is because the five minutes of nursing in the morning and just before bed are about the only times I get to snuggle and really play with DS and have a good time. The rest of the time I feel unwanted or impatient and I feel awful about it. And if I haven't had enough sleep I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with him, which makes me feel worse.

When we have a rough night, I get pretty impatient too. I try to go swimming on those days, because DD loves it and it gives us a break. But I had my bad days too.

DawnLilly

unaveragejane said:

I totally just lost my schmidt on DS. He was a total mess all last week b/c of a cold, and things finally started getting better yesterday. Then when I finally thought all was clear, he started screaming again this morning about every little tiny thing that pissed him off. I finally snapped and screamed back. It did not improve the situation. I then had to try to make it through his pre-nap story without sobbing that I am such a loser at motherhood. SUCH a loser. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it to myself. Anyway, to distract myself without devouring a box of ice cream, I got online and found this. I feel marginally better now.
https://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2010/05/mommy-will-lose-it-advisory-system.html

DS threw his sippy twice while I was making dinner last night. We use a lot of consistent phrases and the one for this is "Pick it up and put it on the table." So after he threw it the first time I said this and he picked it up and threw it at me. I grabbed his little hand and wrapped it around the handle,held it there and half carried half made him walk to the table and set it there. Then he flopped down on the floor and threw a tantrum.

I went back to making dinner. A few minutes later I hear that distinct thump and looked around the corner at him. He just dropped it, didn't throw it but he kept his eyes on me the whole time while he bent down, picked it up and put it on the table. He definitely had that "uh oh mom's about to lose her schmidt" look. Then I clapped and hugged him and made a big deal about it, maybe too big because then he gave a me a look like "Yup, she's lost it."