NYT article on children and the value of losing

ReeceFamily

https://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/25/opinion/losing-is-good-for-you.html?hp&_r=0

Apropos of the "praising" discussion from yesterday.  Discuss!  (Comments below the article are very interesting/constructive as well.  Score one for civil discourse).

blush64

I think losing is important for kids but I don't see anything wrong with a ribbon for participation or medals for second place. My sons have played hockey since they were quite young. (Soccer as well) There are so many games throughout the year and they don't win every game. They know what it is to try their best and still not win. They know to fight to the end no matter how far behind you are. In their league the losing team will get a medal and the winning team get trophies. (Even in REP)

I think it's important to walk that line carefully. Sometimes a losing child does need praise.

edit to remove "

musicalmama5

Losing is definitely important! Or more to the point, doing things because you enjoy them and they fulfill you instead of doing them because you are going to get an award is important. Win or lose, it's about the game. 

This quote struck me: "In June, an Oklahoma Little League canceled participation trophies because of a budget shortfall. A furious parent complained to a local reporter, “My children look forward to their trophy as much as playing the game.” That’s exactly the problem, says Jean Twenge"

My brothers used to play football on the street with their neighbors... just for fun... for hours and hours... No trophies, no awards, no winners or losers. Just fun. And learning! Not to mention my parents didn't have to drive them to away games every weekend, wash uniforms, buy snacks for the team when it was their turn, etc... 

I think this article goes hand in hand with the praise one. IMO a child who is overpraised for doing things that are just normal will turn out the be the child who needs the trophy more than the fun of the game. 

And as an aside, this is where music shines. Musicians work together to create something beautiful. That, in and of itself, is the award. Yes, there are chair placements, and whoever the best violinist is will be concertmaster, but during the symphony, everyone plays and everyone is needed for the task at hand. Even the most inept amateur can strike the triangle a few times during the piece and know he contributed to the whole. 

JCWhitey

I'm a big fan of teaching to be a good loser.  I played sports as a kid and rarely were my teams any good.  I remember the ONE game my summer softball team won.  We were SO excited.  It sounds strange, but if it had been one of those "everyone scores!" leagues we wouldn't have gotten that thrill.  Losing really didn't bother us because we were having fun, it just made winning all the more special.

Also, I never won trophies as a kid.  I was in college when I got my first trophy and I value that thing like crazy!  I worked hard to earn it and really feel like I earned it.  I look at that trophy and I remember that accomplishment.  I've since earned others in college but it's that first one that really means a lot to me.  I don't think I'd feel that way (or work that hard) if everyone got a trophy.