It's a little much

cyndilouwho77

So here is my issue, I have been offered 3 showers.  One for work, one for Girl Scouts, and one for Dance/Cheer.  The first two are just straight forward no worries about when or who to invite and so on, however the dance/cheer one is out of control.  My daughters are on a total of 10 teams at the studio and one daughter is on the cheer team at the same studio as well.  Last week the host of this shower asked me if any of my friends or family were throwing a shower, and I honestly said "no".  So she gets all excited and says to invite them to her shower, I kindly tell her that I really dont want her to over do it and that there were already so many people from the studio that I can not imagine adding anyone (50+).  The sad part is that I do have friends and family that really dont fit into any of these groups and have wanted shower information. I know the typical way of inviting people to the shower at the studio is by invite but they also post the information on the community board.  I really do not want the whole studio invited to the shower cause that would more than double the previously stated 50+ (moms and daughters that are invited to this shower).  So in trying to pair down who all gets invited I made up a list of those Moms and Daughters that are actually on the teams with my kids and a few of my close competition moms, I am really hoping that the host understands me wanting to cut back some?  I am not sure what to do about the close friends and family part?  Any suggestions before I climb into a black hole and hide until after the baby gets here? 

cyndilouwho77

I turned down all showers for my second DD as they were 3 years apart.  It has been over ten years since I was last pregnant and all my friends and family are very excited that I am happily married now to my high school sweet heart and this is his first baby, so yes I accepted the showers so that I can celebrate the birth of my newest addition to our family.  The dance/cheer shower is actually going to be more focused on my DD's and all the games will revolve around them while I get a chance to hang out with my mom friends. 

cinderin

I would decline all the showers.

If you must "celebrate the baby" have a meet the baby party.

sschwege

Even for a first baby this seems 'a little much' as you put it.  The fact that this is your third makes it dangerously close to the 'ridiculous' category!  

notkateanymore

I don't mind second showers if people offer them, but why in the world do you need 3 different showers for one pregnancy...that isn't even your first? I would just tell her no.

jbelle

cyndilouwho77 said:

So here is my issue, I have been offered 3 showers. One for work, one for Girl Scouts, and one for Dance/Cheer. 

Last week the host of this shower asked me if any of my friends or family were throwing a shower, and I honestly said "no".   

I'm thinking simply saying "yes," to the question posed would have been both accurate and avoided your problem. 

cyndilouwho77 said:

So in trying to pair down who all gets invited I made up a list of those Moms and Daughters that are actually on the teams with my kids and a few of my close competition moms, I am really hoping that the host understands me wanting to cut back some?  I am not sure what to do about the close friends and family part?  Any suggestions before I climb into a black hole and hide until after the baby gets here? 

Even if this was a shower for a first baby, if the host was moving into wildly uncomfortable territory regarding the guest list, your best option is almost universally to decline the shower altogether. At the very least, you should firmly let the host know you are only comfortable with this shower moving forward if it's kept small and strictly to the Cheer group. 

It was super nice of her to offer, and I think it's fine you decided to accept the offer (I'm guessing most of these women you did not know when you gave birth to your first two daughters), but if the host can't keep the event appropriate to the occasion, there is only so much you can do. 

Your other close friends and family are perfectly capable of celebrating your new addition without being invited to a shower: whether it's a gift, a surprise get together, or something else.

Good luck!

Shobb414

Suggest a party or celebration of baby after baby comes. People could come in and see baby, and then there is no requirement for a gift or anytbing . Pick a day for each group while you are home and after you are ready for visitors.

[Deleted User]

It's not a little much, it's a lot much. I'd decline all showers. Three showed for a THIRD time mom? Tacky as hell.

ArgyleBride

Okay, I'm going to walk right by the second-shower issue. PP have already said it, and honestly, it's the sort of advice that's better in theory than practice.  Cancelling now would likely cause more offense than the showers would.

So, ignoring that.

I would just let it go.  A flyer does not mean a huge number of people will go.  In fact, you will probably get fewer than you would with invitations, because it is impersonal and many people do not enjoy these events anyway.  Another excellent option is to say kindly that you were thinking an intimate affair would be very nice for everyone, then give the new list.

To address your friends-and-family worry: do nothing.  As you have them now, the showers are clearly demarcated and no one would reasonably feel left out.  If you invite just a few, however, that cover is blown and your B-list is basking in the florescent light (not pretty). Besides, the (slightly uncomfortable) truth is that if the friends/family wanted so much to go to a shower, they would throw you one.  Since they aren't rest assured they are not devastated.  If they bring it up, just say lightly that it's a dance/GS/work thing.

graciesmurf

None of your friends or family members are throwing you a shower... That should tell you something.

Meery82

I definitely agree with just saying no to all the showers. It's over the top for a first kid, let alone a 3rd. If it's your husbands first kid, I would probably accept a shower for HIS family, if they actually offered. A small coed shower with his family & your mom/siblings is ok, anything else I would decline. Even if its been 10 years or 20 and you're having a boy and you're so broke you're living out of a shoe. Second showers are blegh!

Didn't the old woman who lived in a shoe have so many kids she didn't know what to do? I bet she did know not to have showers for all of them!

dufferoo

ArgyleBride said:

Besides, the (slightly uncomfortable) truth is that if the friends/family wanted so much to go to a shower, they would throw you one.  Since they aren't rest assured they are not devastated.  If they bring it up, just say lightly that it's a dance/GS/work thing.

I gotta agree with AB here! I'll even go so far as to say it's not that bad that the dancemoms and the grownup girlscouts and your work gals want to have interest-specific showers for you, especially if none of them were in your social network back when you had your first 2 babies. In my book, these things all fall under the "work function" social rules that are a little bit different than "genuine social function" rules. PS Don't register.