Blended Families

Who drives?

The CO says that BM will pick SS up from our house (we live 1.5 hours away from BM) at the end of every other visitation period.  DH does all picking up and drops off every other visitation.  We have SS12 EOWE.  The last weekend we were scheduled to have SS, he called DH on Thursday night and asked if he could be picked up on Saturday instead b/c he had a dance at school that was lasting until 10:00pm.  DH had a prior commitment on Saturday that he couldn't change, so we wouldn't have been able to pick him up on Saturday.  DH told SS that we would all just come out for the day on Sunday and spend the day with him so he would still be able to go to the dance and we would still be able to see him sometime during our weekend.  So we went out and picked him up, hung out in that area with family for the day and then dropped him off.  That was DH's normal weekend to drive SS home on Sunday.  We will have SS again this weekend and BM is trying to say that she should not have to drive on Sunday b/c DH only came out to see SS for the day and didn't have him the whole weekend.  The ONLY reason we did this was b/c of the dance and the prior committment on Saturday, but that was still our visitation period on Sunday.  Do you guys agree that BM would drive this Sunday?

Re: Who drives?

  • cole2144cole2144 member
    edited September 2013
    I would agree with you, even though you guys stayed in the area, you still had to drive both ways.
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  • That is a strange agreement, but, I would agree with you too.
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  • I agree with you, BM needs to come pick up. After you pick SS up just let her know it's her weekend to pick SS up and you will not be returning him. If she wants SS back she'll come get him.

    Why does BM only have to do 1/2 the pick ups?
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  • @twister22 That is what BM and DH agreed to in their parenting plan.  They had a verbal agreement for many years before DH actually went and had everything finalized through the court.  During the years prior, DH did all transportation but BM would be flexible with him if we were ever in the area visiting other family, she would meet him half way and things like that.  She decided one day that she wasn't doing any of that anymore, so that's when DH filed the paperwork (among other reasons of course).  DH spoke with an attorney at that time that stated that since DH moved away from their old town that a Judge might order that he do all the transportation so if he could get her to agree to something, that would probably be best.  She agreed to the one Sunday a month which DH felt was better than nothing.  She looks for every opportunity she can to get out of that one day a month though. 
  • JessH1474 said:
    @twister22 That is what BM and DH agreed to in their parenting plan.  They had a verbal agreement for many years before DH actually went and had everything finalized through the court.  During the years prior, DH did all transportation but BM would be flexible with him if we were ever in the area visiting other family, she would meet him half way and things like that.  She decided one day that she wasn't doing any of that anymore, so that's when DH filed the paperwork (among other reasons of course).  DH spoke with an attorney at that time that stated that since DH moved away from their old town that a Judge might order that he do all the transportation so if he could get her to agree to something, that would probably be best.  She agreed to the one Sunday a month which DH felt was better than nothing.  She looks for every opportunity she can to get out of that one day a month though. 
    That makes sense. Thanks!
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  • She drives. Just because you didn't get a full weekend with SS doesn't change the fact that it is her turn to drive.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
  • Thanks ladies, this has turned into a huge battle.  Bascially b/c the court order doesn't specifically spell out the fact that "visitation period" pertains to either one day or 10, BM is sticking with that fact that it only refers to full weekends.  She said she will not be driving on Sunday.  DH and I talked about it and agreed that it's not worth ruining our weekend over, especially considering we only have 2 weekends per month as it is with SS.  He sent her a final text saying that this is ridiculous and extremely petty on her part but to avoid putting SS in an uncomfortable situation on Sunday he will bring him home.  Lesson learned though, if she wants to be that way then we either won't budge on our weekends anymore or DH will only agree to the change if it's established that BM will be picking him up if it's her weekend.
  • I think this should of been worked out prior to your H just going out for the day.  So honestly, I would say since it wasn't, that BM would still have to drive to pick him up.

     

  • @bebe11 The problem is BM does not want to have to communicate with DH at all.  He will text her or email her things and get no response, then when he follows up on things she blows up and just goes off on him.  BM feels that at 12 y/o, SS should be the one to arrange any schedule changes with DH and relay things back and forth and DH does not play that.  DH has to constantly remind her that SS is not to be used as a messenger and tell SS to have BM call DH to talk about things.  It's just a very hostile situation and she is a totally unreasonable person to try to deal with. 
  • Lavender PLavender P member
    edited September 2013
    bebe11 said:

    I think this should of been worked out prior to your H just going out for the day.  So honestly, I would say since it wasn't, that BM would still have to drive to pick him up.

    I read this wrong! Sorry! I agree with this!
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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