babys father will not step up

Brooket565

I need some advice, i live in NC i am 3 months pregnant, since day one of finding out i was pregnant the baby's father has #1 tried to get me to get an abortion, #2 gone and ran into another relationship #3 lies to everyone will not tell anyone about the baby #4 has no support or really shown up, he texts. Now this being someone that i loved at one time and am trying to get over at the time all while pregnant i have given him chance time and time again. He has no respect for me or this situation, he says that he will accept it when he knows everything will be ok.. im 3 months pregnant, i think its ok to accept that everything will be ok. He and his new girlfriend party and do recreational drugs all the time. How would you handle this, i am a 30 year old, well established stable soon to be mother that this is my life. I don't know how to handle this, can i completely cut him out, its not as if he is 100% on board now. Any advice or opinions of those that have gone through similar would really help me out. Thank you in advance.

rachaelT28

My husband and I were married 12 years with two other children when I found out I was pregnant and he decided to get a gf and throw us out of our home. He has not been to one single prenatal appointment and he barely discusses the baby if at all. At first I was freaked out because I am married and here I am doing this with my third child all alone, but honestly its been nice here at the end. I have gotten to choose a name my sons and I love, decisions for my son have been made by me alone and thats been nice too because no arguing with someone else about this or that. I know it seems hard, but if after 12 years I can do my pregnancy and labor alone I promise you can do it too. Keep your head up, the ladies on this board got your back and there is always great advice here.

20thirteen

Wow, your situation sounds very VERY similar to mine. Except, my BD was actually already in another relationship behind my back.  He tried really hard to convince me to terminate and I kept telling him that I wasn't going to do it.  I was about 2 1/2-3mo along when his other girlfriend dumped me.  Yes, his other girlfriend did the dumping because he did not have the balls to do it himself.  They both drink heavily, do drugs, he was selling... all while taking care of this other girl's baby. I cut him out, though I did allow him to see her once (and only because I thought he had gotten a lawyer, so I wanted to look good in court).  I have not heard from him since then, I've just heard about all his misfortune since (him and that girl are no longer together, but that bitch be CRAY). But that is my experience, and not all guys are going to be afraid to contact their baby mama's like mine is.

Everything is going to be fine, leave your BD out of this.  Clearly, all he will do is just make the pregnancy more stressful and that won't do you or your baby any good.  One day he is going to regret this, maybe someday soon or maybe sometime in the distant future.  Also, if you plan on filing for CS, you may also want to prepare yourself (just in case) for a custody battle.  You probably won't find yourself in the middle of one, but from what I've seen from friends and on this board that some BDs will only pay CS if they get visitation rights or some kind of custody agreement.

I'm not sure exactly how PMing works on this site, but feel free to PM me if you want to talk about your situation.  My DD is a little over 3mo now and I couldn't be happier with how things worked out.

Much love and good vibes sent your way! (P.S. congrats on your decision to keep the baby, you will find that this baby is going to change your life in ways you couldn't possibly imagine and you'll experience a kind of happiness that you have never felt in your life.)

20thirteen

Crazy* not cray, typed too fast

inthelost

my daughter's father never went to one single doctor's appointment and has never even met or acknowledged the fact that she's even been born so i understand where you're coming from. File for CS once your child is born, and if he tries to fight for custody try to get proof of his recreational drug use. But don't expect him to be part of the pregnancy and leave him out of it..he will just cause you undue stress and you don't need it while pregnant.