Scared to tell...

softservecity

So it's causing me increasing anxiety and today I had a bit of a panic attack. I'm mostly afraid of my mother. I'm not a teenager either. I turn 34 in 2 weeks and have a 14 year old son. I'm getting married in a month (to a great and supportive man), have a good job, good insurance, own my car and have a house. It's just that my mother isn't taking the wedding well and we've already had 1 knock down drag out over how she's had nothing nice to say since the engagement. I know part of the problem is she's used to having to help me since I was so young with my son and now she doesn't have that control. It's a change for her that she's not handling well. I just wish I could have a supportive mother who didn't judge everything I do and wasn't so negative. We're trying to wait till after the wedding to announce (I'll be 11/12 weeks then). And mostly we're waiting so it doesn't cause more drama. Anyone have any similar experiences? I know I gotta stop being a puss and suck it up and tell her but I already know what the reaction will be and I dread it!

pistolpackinmomma

I think that the reason I've felt sick for the last week is because I'm dreading telling my mom. We have been wanting to move anyhow but our house isn't exactly up to my mom's standards because it isn't new and shiny. I know she's going to ask us about our plans for a house when we announce. If she even starts in with negative comments we will leave immediately. I'm not listening to it.

softservecity

pistolpackinmomma said:

I think that the reason I've felt sick for the last week is because I'm dreading telling my mom. We have been wanting to move anyhow but our house isn't exactly up to my mom's standards because it isn't new and shiny. I know she's going to ask us about our plans for a house when we announce. If she even starts in with negative comments we will leave immediately. I'm not listening to it.

That's what my fiancé says too. He says we'll leave if she starts in. I definitely don't want to talk to her alone. I think with him there she'll keep some of her negativity to herself and if she wants to call and bitch later I can hang up... It's just so hurtful.

pistolpackinmomma

My mom has always judged me. I've never been good enough so I guess I just finally learned to ignore her. My husband thinks everybody will be so excited but I know better. I still plan on doing a cute announcement but I'm just prepared for her to rain on my parade. What if you announced at your reception? She's have to keep tight lipped then, if she's as much like my mom as she sounds.

softservecity

I thought about telling at the reception but don't want any drama that day; not even her storming out to leave even if she's quiet about it. Hope things go well when y'all do announce @pistolpackinmomma!

pistolpackinmomma

Thanks! Good luck to you too!!

Magheeta

Oh goodness, you aren't alone! My mom has already told me (very seriously, too) that she isn't ready to be a grandma. Let's keep in my my step-dad has FIVE grandsons, but she obviously doesn't claim them. She talks all giddy about my step-SIL who's due in May, but freaks when I mention the idea of me having a child. I don't get it. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like this is the only thing she's done. I hope you are able to find the right time to tell her, and that it goes as smoothly as possible. Hugs!

Marcella05

I'm not in your boat, but wanted to offer encouraging words. Moms can come off a little unsupportive at times but it comes from a place of love - just being expressed the wrong way. She obviously loves and cares about your well-being, but she is in no place to disrespect what you feel is right for you. You are your own person. And in the end, she will come around when she sees that you are happy and safe. Wish you all the best!

ArmyMedic7588

I kinda of understand what you are going through. My mom and I have not seen eye to eye in years. Pretty much since I've moved out of the house I have done nothing to live up to her expectations. The fact that I lived on my own, had a good job (granted I've been through a few, but always managed to care for myself), and everything it's never enough for her. I was in the hospital for 3 days when I was about to lose my first LO a few years back with my ex, she told me "well I'll still love the baby, after all it's not her fault that it'll be half mexican". And said "maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you lost the baby". I ended up losing the next week. Granted she loves my b/f now, but I know she's not going to take it well since we're not married (but planning on a civil ceremony before baby is born). So yeah... I know how it goes when your own mother isn't the supportive happy person you want her to be when you tell her. T&Ps and lots of hugs! Hopefully it goes better than you expect!

pistolpackinmomma

Magheeta said:

Oh goodness, you aren't alone! My mom has already told me (very seriously, too) that she isn't ready to be a grandma. Let's keep in my my step-dad has FIVE grandsons, but she obviously doesn't claim them. She talks all giddy about my step-SIL who's due in May, but freaks when I mention the idea of me having a child. I don't get it. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like this is the only thing she's done. I hope you are able to find the right time to tell her, and that it goes as smoothly as possible. Hugs!

Just to give a word of encouragement when we started TTC the first time my mom had been saying that she wasn't old enough to be a grandma. Well I got a +HPT 2 days after Christmas. After the blood test came back we made our rounds. She had gotten me a bag for Christmas I didn't like. We stopped by and I asked if she had the receipt for my bag. She said she did and asked why I needed it. I told her I needed to swap it out for a diaper bag. She had her back to me and turned around as she yelled "Are you shitting me?!?!" Way to keep it klassy mom. She was super excited though. Unfortunately that one didn't end well but she was extra excited when we announced with my son too. I'm sure we'll get plenty of "do you know what causes that" style questions since our son is so young but we've already decided to inform people evidently we do since we've managed to figure it out twice.

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flutepharm87

The only one I'm worried about is my MIL. She's just not ready to be a grandma and it's evident in the way she treats my boys. She only wants to see them when there's nothing better to do or when I makes her look better to her colleagues at family picnics. She had DH at 19 and it's my theory that she feel as if DH stole her partying years from her. Now that DH and his sister are out the house, they go out and party all the time. The only times she's seen the boys are when DH brings them to see her. It's sad, really. And now that they're older, they're clearly showing her they're not comfortable around her. Her fault, I guess. But I doubt she'll be thrilled about another baby. Hence why we're telling the whole family together. Everyone else will be super excited, so she'll have to pretend or get flamed.

mrspopsicle

I was worried about telling my mom too. I made sure my dad and DH were there as buffers and it went much better than expected. I hope it goes alright for you, too!

MommyDay2be

I'm practically an orphan so I really don't have to worry much about parental approval, but I can understand how you would feel. My in laws are wonderful people but I just found out my BIL told MH that MH "would love this baby more because it will actually be his." That was soo hurtful to me. He has been the ONLY father to my son since he was one year old. I can't believe he would say something like that.

CraftyMama04

I'm in the same boat. My mother has never been supportive in any way, shape or form.

I'm still afraid to tell her. Mainly because of her snotty comments. We were just at a wedding two weekends ago and my cousin is pregnant. We were joking about H baby names and I told her she couldn't have Harper because it's mine, joking. My mother proceeds to say, "Well you better not have another damn baby." Really? Last time I checked I'm 27 years old, have a house, cars, a great husband and everything we need. 

I'm sure I'll have to tell her sometime, obviously. lol! I think I'm going to wait until after the first trimester and over the phone so I can hang up if she gets nasty! haha!

softservecity

Glad to see I'm not the only one ladies :-) And even if its not a mother I guess a lot of us have people in our lives we're just not sure how they'll react. Good luck to everyone when you're ready to announce! Hope it goes better than expected for all of us!

MrsHussey11

I'm excited to tell my parents and my inlaws, but I'm really dreading telling my paternal grandparents. Basically my grandmother is very slowly dying from ALS. it's only been in the past few weeks that she's gotten ok with it and is ready to go, but it could be next week or next year... I'm afraid to tell her because I think it might undo the peace she has right now about the end, but if she makes it to December I know I'll have to say something... And I think I'll feel guilty for leaving them out of the news if I wait so long. I take Sunday dinner to grandmas house about 3 times a month (we're usually visiting the inlaws out of town the other week). It's just a complicated situation and I'm not sure how to handle it. Once I tell my parents I'll probably discuss it with them, as her main caregivers I hope they'll have better insight and advice!

softservecity

That's hard. I couldn't imagine her not being happy for you even in her current health situation. Hope talking to your parents helps clear your mind.