Girlfriend/Boyfriend involvement - what's "normal"

+just+j+

I have questions.  This is a poll.  I know there is no normal, but I want to get a feel for what is by polling you all and if you'd like to share:

 

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? 

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently?

 

 

Littlejen22

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?
I think after it no longer casual and before it is very serious. I don't think you can be serious if you do not know how he interacts with your kid and you should not introduce before you know you want him to stick around.
2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?
Too soon but I know DH for a few years before we dated because we were co-workers. I cringe at it honestly.
3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"
I think you need to wait until you feel the person will be permanent but know in your head and heart that if he does it fit in your family no matter how often you will end it. He is not just dating you but also your kid and you want to percent her from going through the break-up.
4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children
We got serious too soon but I think that you should date long enough to know the person and trust them to be an adult that can reprimand without being parent
5.When did you move in together?Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?
Before engagement and i think it was idiotic

Are you dating?!?!

+just+j+

Good God no. I have a little work to do on myself before I even open that door. 

XH admitted he moved in with R.  He immediately went into excuse mode and how in love they are.  I'll post more about what he divulged in a separate post.

Because of his quick move in with R, it made me wonder, how soon is too soon and what would I do?  I know I'd do it a whole hell of a lot later than he did and won't move in until just before the wedding.  I just won't.  I have a daughter that I want to look in the eye when I teach her about self respect and not jumping into relationships, and I can't tell her how to be respectable if I don't practice what I preach.

+just+j+

And I'm sorry, I don't mean you're not respectable if you don't wait - I just feel like I have to set a strong and good example and that's my choice. No judging you all who did it differently. I promise.

 

fellesferie

1. The only boyfriend who ever met DS was DH, and that was after 2-3 months. I dated other guys longer without introducing them to DS.

3. DH and I moved in together in July after DS meeting him in May. Fast, I know.

4. DH kind of fell into the Dad role. He is just a natural, and it ended up being what worked for us. Literally 30 seconds after meeting DH, DS (3 at the time) held up his arms, and DH picked him up. And that was kind of that. 

5. We started dating in Feb 08, DH met DS around May 08, we moved in together in July 08. We got engaged in Dec 08 and married in June 09. 

6. Looking back, I think we moved too fast. I would say we 'just knew,' but that sounds terribly cliche. I also wish we had approached the parenting thing a little more intentionally. I wish we'd done some family therapy to make sure we were going about things in a healthy way.

CurlieWhirlie

fellesferie said:

6. Looking back, I think we moved too fast. I would say we 'just knew,' but that sounds terribly cliche. I also wish we had approached the parenting thing a little more intentionally. I wish we'd done some family therapy to make sure we were going about things in a healthy way.

This, almost exactly. SO and I met each others' kids pretty early on, but because of the way things shook out with custody, he spent A LOT more time with my DS than I did with his two boys, so he fell into the parenting role with him pretty naturally. I wish we had talked more about it, but now that we're living together (moved in in June) we have been trying to be more thoughtful about it, especially my interactions with his kids. I find it a bit harder because his kids are older and they're boys — like, I'm a woman who is not their family, so there are rules about walking around in underpants, etc. Things you wouldn't think about in an intact family (I don't mind seeing my DS in his underwear)!

Oh and we moved in together prior to engagement. We are not engaged. But we are having a baby! Hippies, man. Also, a little disillusioned about marriage, maybe.

SimpleJane

J is the only person I've dated since XH and I split. 

I knew I loved him very very early on, and we became serious fast, before my divorce was even finalized. He met my kids after a few months. About four months in it was normal for the four of us to spend days together, and shortly after that we moved in together.

When we first moved in together I did all of the parenting and caring for. He would occasionally tell one of them no if they got into something but that was about it. We've been together almost two years now and he does a lot more. He picks them up sometimes when I need him to, he disciplines and helps set rules, he occasionally cooks for them and does anything that I'm not around to do while I'm working. Those things happened naturally, a step at a time over the past few years. 

Things I do that he still doesn't: Bath and help dress / toilet (pretty much just DD now as DS does this on his own). I always care for them when they are sick (meaning I'm the one to take off work). I always get up with them in the morning or middle of the night if something comes up. I always do drop offs and pick ups with XH and I also do all of the communicating with him. I also always get final say if we are in disagreement about punishments or discipline. 

Nineoceans

I met my H's son right away. I'm thinking like...after several dates when we decided to be exclusive. He always presented himself as a package deal and that's pretty much how it was

We moved in together before we were engaged but we were engaged fairly quickly and then married a year later. Once he moved in SS needed to respect my rules so I guess that's when the parenting started

Probably wouldn't do anything differently, when you know it's right it just is

Lavender P

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?

I didn't have any.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?

It was after dating only a few weeks. We met and literally spent every second together that we weren't at work. I wasn't comfortable with it, but DH is a pretty intense and direct guy. He told me early on he was serious about our relationship and there was no point in continuing if SS and I hated each other.

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life?"

As soon as I moved in with DH, which was only a month or two after dating.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? 

My family is Asian and we grew up in a place where all members of a family are responsible for raising kids, at least in my culture. As soon as DH and I moved in together, which was maybe two months after we started dating, I made sure to help out with SS. DH also pushed me to make sure I corrected SS when he was behaving badly. It wasn't uncomfortable for me at all because I do the same things with my nieces, just as my siblings do. 

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?

 We moved in together about two months after dating. I was in the process of moving into a new place anyway, but was spending every day at DHs. We were buying groceries together and I was helping out with bills and it seemed silly to move somewhere else when we knew we were going to move in together. I always said I wouldn't live with someone until I was married but that changed the second I met DH.

6.  What would you do differently?

Nothing really. I'm sure all my friends thought we moved too fast but it just worked for us. Also, we are NCP and even after over several months of dating we only saw SS a handful of times due to his BM's vacation schedule. DH and I have been together for over 5 years and we are really happy together. I think the nature of dating someone is so different when they have a kid because you have to decide if the relationship is worth your time and worth bringing into your child's life. It takes the element of game playing off the table, at least for us it did.      

xmaryrickx

1. We were together four-ish months when I met SD who was 16. A year before meeting SS who was 10.

2. See above. I read wrong.

3. Immediately? I don't understand the question.

4. Eh never. I always cooked for SS helped him with homework kept him safe etc. but I have never been a "parent" like many hear.

5. 6 months after dating. We got engaged three years into dating married before four years.

6. I don't know. I would like to have seen things go differently with SD but I don't think there is anything I could have done there. I really don't. If anything maybe a better CO for SS, but again idk if It would have changed anything. We would not have continually fought in court-we already spent the cost of a house in some areas. I wish there was a way to see what would have happened if we would have had 50/50 custody. I can't imagine it would have gone well, but who knows.

+just+j+

@xmaryrickx:  I guess what I mean is by 3, I tend to hold back.  I don't insert myself as someone who should mother or parent someone's child right away. With SD I was kind of forced to because she didn't have a good mother figure and she needed some parenting. But with other boyfriends who had kids, I eased into it. XH was glad to hand all parenting responsibilities to R. and I guess maybe I am grateful...my heads just spinning for many reasons.  I can't wait to see what happens when DD grows out of the adorable toddler stage and becomes a moody teen.  Will she be as lovey dovey with my daughter?  I hope so.  If she's around that long.

Banana44

1. I never had children before DH.

2. I met SS about 2 months after we started dating.  I was the only "girlfriend" to meet SS.

3. Pretty quickly.  We saw each other pretty much everyday, so SS saw me everyday - but I didn't spend the night at the house until maybe 6 months into the relationship (with SS at house).

4. Almost immediately.  To be honest I was rather appalled at DH's lack of discipline.  I had been around children my entire life, nannied, took care of nephews, so I jumped right in.

5. We bought a house together a year after we started dating. DH was offered re-lo money if he moved closer to work (he moved 45 min closer to work - but still only 20mins from SS) and at the time we each owned our own house.  So we both sold, took the re-lo money and bought the house we knew we wanted to raise kids in. I knew we were going to get married (lets be honest - buying a house was pretty serious). We were engaged a few months after we bought the house and married 6 months after engagement.

6. - No  - I would do nothing differently.  I was 32 when I met DH - and I knew from the beginning we were going to marry.  My relationship with him was different than any relationship I had ever had.  SS was 3 when we started dating and honestly, all he remembers is having me in his life.  And when I met SS he took right to me and we are still extremely close (7 years later).  

How quick we moved isn't for everyone, but it worked for us.  We are 5 years happily married, 6 years in our house, 7 years together.  We added 2 DDs to our happy family and we work well!  

Ginlyn0

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children? I don't remember exactly. It was pretty quickly, maybe a few weeks? However, DH and I have known each other since we were babies and his parents already knew DD and he was staying with them at the time so it was really no harm, no foul because he was a family friend.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children? It was around the same time he met DD. We let the kids have a playdate together since we were family friends there wasn't much "risk" involved as if it were a random person I was dating.

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life" I would say that DH became a quick fixture in mine and DD's normal family life. He came over practically every day. I would say with my SKs it was longer because technically DH and BM were still in the divorce process (before you get any ideas- she cheated on DH with her current husband and left him and then kept delaying the court dates and since I already knew DH we started hanging out as friends originally) so he didn't have regular visitation with the kids because she only allowed him a few hours at a park. Once their temporary orders were in place about 6 months after dating, we started doing things all together every time he had them.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? DH was more uncomfortable parenting or providing basic care until we moved in together. Since I worked in childcare prior and was a mother already, I pretty much did basic care and parenting from the beginning. I mean you sort of have to anyway when you have multiple young children and are out in public.

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding? We moved in together after 1 year of dating, which also ended up being 1 month after DH's never-ending divorce proceedings. Before we moved in together we discussed marriage, ect. However, we officially got engaged 4 months after we moved in together (or 16 months after we started dating. Our original wedding date was delayed once for 9 months due to financial reasons after our landlord let our rental house go into foreclosure and we had to rush and move so we ended up getting married about 3 years after we started dating.

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently? I honestly don't know that I would necessarily do anything different. It wasn't "ideal" for DH's divorce to not be complete no one would have guessed that BM would keep delaying it since DH gave her everything (literally) and she's the one that cheated and filed for divorce...so yeah.

Sunday924

1) right away 2) his baby right away, his older son a few weeks later 3) 6 months in 4) right away 5) 6 months after seeing each other, 2 years before engagement, 3 before marriage 6) RUN FOR THE HILLS AND NEVER BE WITH A MAN THAT HAS CHILDREN. It's hypocritical because I have a child but never again will I take on someone else's.

CurlyQ284

Our relationship was a little different. I was 19 and DH was 25 when we met so we moved sloowwwwly.  He was in the military and BM moved back home so we have been long distance from the start:

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?

N/A, didn't have kids

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?

We were together about 1.5 years before I met the girls for the first time.  Before the c/o was finalized, he would just go up there for visitation or get the girls and take them down to his family in Memphis for holidays etc.  He wanted to make sure it was serious.

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"

This is tough to answer because we are long distance.  So they aren't in my everyday life for most of the year but then we have them all summer.  I think maybe a year or two before I got involved (sending gift bags for Valentine's Day, helping pick out Christmas gifts, thinking about them when they weren't there etc).

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children?

I was so so so young when I met DH.  It was maybe a year or two after meeting them.  I was picking up/dropping off from daycare, cooking dinner, etc.  I stayed out of major decisions because I was so young, it didn't even occur to me that DH and I would get married and I'd be a stepmom (stupid right?  but it's the truth!)  I think I started giving input for major things when DH and I got engaged.  That was when I joined the board, once I realized I was going to be a stepmom (2008).

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?

We moved in together after I graduated college so we had been together for 2 years.  We got engaged after being together for 4 years, married around the 5 year mark.  

6.  What would you do differently?

I would have gotten involved in major decisions earlier.  We still have the CO from 2007, and if I stuck my nose in it, I might have done more research and we could have gotten a few extra things (like being able to claim one of the girls on taxes etc).

+just+j+

Sunday - I agree with you. I don't think I could do it again. 

twister22

1. DH met DS about 4 months into us dating, although I didn't want it to be that soon. I was very hesitant about dating, because I didn't want to be that mom that her child watched jump from BF to BF (DH had to convince me to go on a date with him and for the first 2ish months I would only go on dates with DH after DS was asleep so I wasn't missing anytime with DS.) However, my parents loved DH, and pushed me to let DH meet DS sooner.

2. DH didn't have any children from a previous relationship.

3. Once we were engaged. We started talking marriage shortly after DH met DS (quick, I know), and were engaged after 8 months of dating (again, quick, I know. We just knew.)

4. After DS started calling DH "daddy." We at first discouraged it, told DS not to do that, that DH wasn't DS's daddy, that BD was, etc. However, the little 2yo was persistent, and looked at us and said "But DH is my daddy." Prior to that, whenever DS was with us DH just let me do my thing. After that, DH began to watch DS one night a week (I gave BD the option to first, he declined as that was his 'video game night with friends.) 

5. We didn't move in together until after we were married. We're old school like that .

6. Honestly? Nothing. But that's because it ended in marriage. Obviously if we would not of ended up married, I would have regretted DH meeting DS. Both of my parents are very intuitive people, and they both told me early on that they thought we would end up married. My dad is a very wise man, and someone I have a lot of respect for. And DH and I got to know each other pretty deeply fairly quickly.

jess9802

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children? N/A - didn't have kids.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children? I met DH's son less than two months into our relationship - SS was visiting DH during his Spring Break.

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life" A couple of months later, when SS was here for the summer.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? DH and I had been together for about a year and a half before I started doing "mom" type duties - by which time we were engaged.

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding? If you can't remember, just give me your best guess. We started dating in February 2009. We moved in together in August 2009 - after SS had returned to his mother's for the school year. We got engaged in March 2010, but I didn't live with SS full-time until June 2010, though he did stay with us during his visits at Christmas and Spring Break.

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently? I wish DH had not introduced me to SS quite so early in the relationship. We weren't openly affectionate with each other around him, but it just added a new element to my relationship with DH that could have backfired spectacularly. Things all worked out in the end - SS and I have a great relationship and I love him very much - but I look back and wonder what we were thinking.

nattyncbride

1-4.  Way too early.  Probably just 2 weeks or so, and I was still technically married.  My ex was livid, and his ex suspicious (rightfully so on both their parts, but at the time, I was indignant).  That probably leads right into #6.  If I had to do it over, I would have waited a lot longer.  We also started immediately doing a lot of things as a 'family': spent weekends together, even some school nights, went on some vacations, basically spent 80-90% of our time with kids all together.  There were some really incredible bonding moments in there, but it was not a good idea.  DS was too young to really care/notice but SO's son was 7 and as much as he wanted to like it and truly enjoyed it at times, it was too much for him and he acted out a lot.  We did this for about 6 months.  During that time, there were a few occasions that BM and SO were busy, and I took care of SO's son, and he listened to me like a parent.

Indiana makes you take a 'Children Coping with Divorce' class and one piece of advice was 'Don't introduce your kids to your new SO if you are dating b/c you are divorced and are broken, and who knows if how long this relationship will last'.  Sadly, it took that class to set me straight.  We had a talk right after that and now do some things together on the weekends we have the boys (we have the same schedule, both 50/50), like dinners or going to the park, but no sleep overs or anything extensive.  We all took a step back; again, DS is oblivious, I know SO's son noticed, but I think he appreciates having his dad all to himself sometimes, but also having me and DS in his life too.  We have been doing this for over a year now, it's really good.

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?

N/A, we have our own homes.

6.  What would you do differently?

Clearly, I would have waited a long time.  I hope the whole thing didn't confuse SO's son too much, that's the worst part.

agibby

I have questions.  This is a poll.  I know there is no normal, but I want to get a feel for what is by polling you all and if you'd like to share:

 

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children? It was a couple weeks. My criteria for dating was the guy had to have children, and be an involved father, so he knew what it was like to care for kids.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children? Same. we all met at the same time. SS was only 1 year old and DH had him pretty much half the time. I had at that time been widowed for 2 years and had 3 kids so they were with me all the time. Neither DH nor I have family nearby, so it's not like we were going out on dates all the time alone lol. 

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life". Pretty much right away. DH and I are very into doing the family things like apple orchards, the zoo, museums, etc. And see question #2 above.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? I don't remember exactly, it was a few months I think. 

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding? DH started moving things in to my house right before we were married but he didn't move in until after the wedding.

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently? Nothing that I can think of. I definitely have a "keeper" in both my DH and SS, so I feel pretty blessed! 

And a sidenote: DH ended up adopting my 3 children a few months after we were married. They love him and were happy for that. Their dad died when DS was just about to turn 6, DS almost 4 and DD almost 1. I truly feel that God put us in each other's paths :x

AlwaysForgetful

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?
Dating? 3 months. Although we had talked for well over 6 month before that and did not start dating the instant we met in person.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?
I met his 2 spoiled cats at first meeting. He had no kids at that point.

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"
Sooner than I would have suggested to anyone. The meeting went so well that we started a weekly dinner at my place. This was a time when C  liked no males and he was playing with C within 30 minutes of meeting him. No meltdowns from C or anything. At 6 months it was daily because my apt flooded and I had no where to go (well, shelter). Things progressed fast from there.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? 
After we decided that we were going to actually live together and we discussed literally everything.

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?
6 months. Once again sooner than I would suggest to anyone. It worked for us, but sometimes I still look back and wonder what we were thinking. Especially since we also decided to have a child shortly after. After the flood got cleaned up, I went back to my apt. The kids missed him, I missed him, he missed us, after a week or so there was a serious discussion about moving in together and moving into a house and becoming a family unit. The house was purchased in Feb, we moved the first week of March and have never looked back.

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.
Yeah, I had to think a little

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently?
I would have waited longer. Not that we had any issues. Things actually went well. I lucked out and DH is an AWESOME with the boys. Even when C is taking out his anger on him. Never once has he pushed him away or said "you aren't mine" or anything. Just hugs C, takes the hits(6 years old) and tells him he loves him and is not leaving. I knew he was a keeper the instant C decided he liked DH. C has never reacted to any other male like that and this actually helped C over come a lot of issues he has with males. I think outside of timing, things happened how they should though. We literally sat down and discussed finances, what we each expected of a partner, The kids, my ex, ground rules, handling meltdowns, therapy for C, going to counseling with C, literally  everything even down to meals and chores. Also loss of help with childcare from the state and how would we manage with that. When we moved into the house, we might as well have been married. I was put on all accounts, have access to his medical records/talk to his Dr if needed, and we went to a joint credit card.


That being said, things moved FAST. Looking back, if I was someone else, I would have given me a slap in the face an questioned how responsible I was moving along into moving in with all the little people and then deciding to have a child together. I know how bad it looks. So every time I read about so and so moving fast, I always pause. I know most of the time it is a train wreck.

sweetie0228

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?

6 months, they met him first only in group situations for a few months and then after that "family" type dates once a month.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children? n/a

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"

about a year

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children?  weird answer--he could and felt comfortable w/ as much as I would allow a babysitter for a long time.  but real parenting came into play about 2 years into the relationship

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding? 4 years into the relationship moved in together, 8 year relationship before wedding.

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently?

I wouldn't have waited so long to get married again.  I would have waited longer to get into the real realtionship w/ him but he helped me heal from my previous relationship yet he also suffered a lot during my healing from that relationship.

cole2144

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children? I didn`t have any when we started dating

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?  about a month or two

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life" Pretty quickly, DH and I took were serious quickly after we started dating and he had SD EOW during that time. She was 16 months old when we started dating. I knew they were a package deal, and SD and I took to each other right away.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? While I helped take care of SD when I was around, I left parenting up to my husband. Things changed once I moved in, we were engaged by then.

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding? We moved in together after a year of dating, I found out I was pregnant shortly before our first anniversary of dating. We got engaged a couple weeks before I moved in.

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.

And lastly...

6.  What would you do differently? I am not sure I would. Everything was great on our end, BM had the issue. She refused to meet me when DH and I got serious. I never officially met her until my son was almost a year old.

sweetwalks

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?

I can't remember exactly. I have my DC 100% of the time, so it was harder for me to have time to go on a date. It was probably a month and we hung out at the park, which I guess is when I met SK too.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?

See #1.

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life?

We spent nearly every weekend together, but probably not until we moved in together.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children?

DH has always been fairly comfortable, BD isn't in the picture at all, so it's different. Although, sometimes there are still issues with parenting and that's my fault. With SK, I still don't do a lot of "parenting" but I do basic caring for needs and that happened since he moved in. By caring for needs I mean, feedings, diaper changes, teaching, playing, laundry, etc. I'm not the disciplinarian for SK though. I correct, and do more than a babysitter would, but I don't play the major role, does that make sense?

5. When did you move in together? Before engagement? Right before wedding? After wedding?

Way too fast! We talked about it and we wanted to wait until we were married. We had both been there, done that. But, a couple months after we started dating it was just more convenient to live together, I know that sounds dumb, so we did. Been great since. We got married about a year after dating, about a month after being engaged. AH, that's so fast & I would probably never do it that quickly again.

6. What would you do differently?

See #5. I love DH, but being in a BF is hard stuff. Hypocritical but I'd probably second guess myself if I had taken a second to think. However, we're happy and going strong and I guess truthfully, I wouldn't change it.

bebe11

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children? Maybe 1-2 months, can't recall.  But before I met my H, I dated a couple of men that I didn't even introduce to my kids and we dated for a while, it just wasn't "serious"

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children? Same around 2 months

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"  Not sure what exactly this means, but usually on the weekends that I had my DD, we would see my now H.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children?  I don't really remember, but with my SS I always let H take care of parenting stuff, my SD was only 3 when I met her and she and I bonded right away, so I would do certain things with her.  One example was she was in diapers until she was 4, so she would always want me to change her. 

5. When did you move in together? Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?  We moved in together after 10 months, and got engaged 2 months later.  The reason I did move in so soon was because my lease was up at my apartment, and it was either sign another year lease or move in with my H and save some $.

If you can't remember, just give me your best guess.

And lastly...

6. What would you do differently?  I would of waited longer to get married.

CFjo2010

1. How soon after you started dating did you introduce your SO to your children?

DH and I have a different "beginning" than most people.  His best friend married my best friend, so we knew each other for a few years prior to dating.  He met my children before we were even dating because of different events with our mutual friends.  In fact, K hadn't even been born yet when he first met my kids.  When we started dating, my kids knew him so there wasn't really a "meeting" period.

2. How soon did you meet your SO's children?

Again, our situation is a little different.  I met K when she was just an infant due to events with mutual friends.  

3. How soon after you met them would you say they became a "fixture" in your normal family life"

A few months after we started dating we started making an effort to spend every Sunday with all the kids together (lunch and go to the park, dinner and a movie, etc).  DD and K are only 2 1/2 years apart, so they bonded really quickly and wanted to play all the time.  As far as "normal family life" that wasn't for quite awhile just due to distance.  We lived about 45 minutes from each other.

4. At what point did you or your SO feel comfortable enough to start parenting or even just start doing some basic caring for your children? 

Right away.  Normal corrections of behavior, reminders of manners, reprimands for unkind play or words were handled pretty immediately without discussion..  When my kids would go to DC's I would go stay with DH and so when K was with him I made dinner for all of us, we went to the park together, etc.

5. When did you move in together?  Before engagement? Right before the wedding? After the wedding?

We moved in together about 4 months before our wedding.  But we had done slumber parties, overnight trips and stuff before that.

6.  What would you do differently?

I can't really say that I would have done anything differently.  I would have liked to have had more open communication with BM during the time DH and I were dating but she refused to acknowledge my existence until after we got engaged, which was about a year and a half after we started dating.  We were only engaged for about 6 months before we got married, so there wasn't much time for her to "adjust" to K's new family additions.  But again, that was her decision.  As for blending our family, we started family counseling a few months after we got married and that helped us work through the growing pains.