Disciplining strangers

maryxc1

At story time today, a little girl who looked about 2 1/2 came up to DS and hugged him then tried to pick him up. I nicely asked her to put him down so she did and then proceeded to shove him very hard. I caught him but in my stern mommy voice said "no, we don't push people". Of course just about the tome I was doing that her grandmother walked over. She gave me a very mean look and escorted the child away.

This started me wondering what everybody thinks is appropriate when dealing with other people's children, both strangers and ones you know. My thoughts are that if the child is doing something dangerous with for himself or your child, it is appropriate to step in and stop the situation right then. The grey area is whether you just remove your child or tell the other one their action is unacceptable. In my example this morning I could have picked up DS and taken him away but mommy instincts took over and I corrected the little girl. If the situation is not dangerous, like not sharing or something, I think it is okay to just have a discussion with both children about it but not really push the other child. If they continue the action, just help your child deal with the situation. People in the world are not always going to follow the rules so you need to help your child learn what to do in those situations. If it is a child you know I think you can push a little farther in enforcing the rules if you know what their rules are.

What are everyone's thoughts on this. Is this generally how people handle these situations? Being a FTM I guess I never have really thought about it.

selockar

I would have started like you did by asking her to put lo down. When she pushed him I might have nicely said "don't push him. He doesn't like that." If she continued I'd remove him. I would definitely use my mommy tone if I knew the parents well. I guess with strangers I'm worried there parent will escalate the situation. Some parents can get a little crazy even when their child was misbehaving.

ebl2

I agree with PP that some parents can escalate a situation if one parent reacts strongly against their child. I've seen that happen and I don't want to have to deal with that. I also believe you should say something to the child doing something wrong. I was at Barnes and Noble with DD and I let her play with a table train set they had in the children section. There was another child there, about 5 years old, and when my daughter came to the table she grabbed part of the other little girls train and this little girl flipped out on my child for playing with her toy. I didn't say anything, just took DD away from her and played with her somewhere else. After we left the store I felt terrible that I didn't stick up for my daughter by saying something to the little girl. I wish I would have said something, anything. I felt as if I let my daughter down. I wouldn't have been harsh to the child but I would have said something in a calm voice. I think you should say something but to try not to escalate any situation. I don't blame you for saying what you did, you were just protecting your baby. 

littleredfish

I would have reacted basically as you did. I mean I don't know how "stern" your mommy voice was, with other peoples children I tend to try to balance my face with my tone. If I find my words coming out more stern than I mean I try to lighten up my face, if it's coming out very soft and I see the point isn't getting across I throw a little more stern "face" in there to turn it up.

I figure yeah some people will flip on your for correcting their kid, but everybody has varying levels of crazy and really nothing you can say will guarantee nobody will react. I'm ok with it because say DD ever bit another child, I'd be fine and more than happy for another parent to tell her in a stern voice that is NOT ok if I was not right there.

I just make a point to never correct another persons child (that is not related to me) with any form of contact. That's my line. My niece once hit DD on the face, I told her we don't hit our friends. She went to hit her again so I caught her hand and corrected her again, more sternly but not viciously of course. I'd never grab the wrist of a child I didn't know though, no matter how softly.

bellelamb

I agree with everything you all said. I would have reacted very much like you did. I do make sure to stand up for my kid and not just leave the area, I dont like teaching my child to run away from a problem or a bully.

Now with friends kids it depends on how close we are I have one friend who we've always agreed we treat each other's as we would our own, same with my nieces and nephews. But friends who aren't as close I only correct calmly not but sternly.

I also have to add that if the other parent or care giver isn't with a kid in public and they are doing something dangerous or unkind I feel like you have more of a right to say something than if the mom is right there.