The New World, or I'm Not The PG One This Time

CageyMack

Yeah, it's not all cake and honey.  Watching your wife try to be pregnant is really hard.

We tested last night and it was a BFN.  She was feeling really good, and so was I.  It was not 14 dpo, only 12, so there is still a teeny little chance, but it more than likely is not a wonderful, easy, joyous BFP.

It is not fair that she is having such trouble--she had to have a polyp removed, has meds to correct thyroid, and this is her second IUI round.  Just feels so much harder.  She is tough and a trooper, but it bites.  It only took one IUI for our DS last year, so this feels unfair and unreal, even though we know all the facts, it takes 3-6 months, it never happens the first time, etc., etc., etc.   That can all be true, and I can WANT to have it be easier for her than it was for me.  I don't want her to suffer a miscarriage, not ever.  I had one years ago, and could bear it again, but I want to spare her that pain.  I want no hardship, no strife, no struggle, no sadness.  I just want her pregnant, happy, and, sure, barefoot is good, too.

I, for example, tested early and often because for me, knowing every bit of information helps me stay level and calm.  I can tell the emotional roller coaster of testing is too much for her (like it is for tons of women!) and I should have urged her to just wait until AF came.  

To recap: it's out of my hands, it isn't my body, her feelings are not mine and I wish I could bear the pain.  I'm not driving this time around, and my main job as super co-captain is to keep the super-star captain fed, loved, and supported as she navigates whatever journey life has in store.

This carrying partner thing is harder than the alternative, for me.  Thanks for bending an ear.

trisholio

I do not know what it is like to have your partner go thru the TTC process, but I know a thing or two about watching your partner go thru something painful.  My DW has survived sexual abuse, a trial to try and put the monster in jail that failed and losing her family.  It breaks my hear to see her hurting and I would much rather be the one that is hurting.  I would rather take all her pain away and deal with it myself.  Being a support person is so much harder at times.  

My advice, keep your chin up.  Learn to have endless amounts of patience, even when you think you have no more to give.  I hope that she gets pregnant soon!!  :-)

GoaliesWife123

As the partner who is trying to get pregnant, there is nothing from my wife that I could possibly want more than her support. I think you are doing everything you need to do and I agree with @herbabymama, your BFP is coming! 

wishiwaspreggo

GoaliesWife123 said:

As the partner who is trying to get pregnant, there is nothing from my wife that I could possibly want more than her support. I think you are doing everything you need to do and I agree with @herbabymama, your BFP is coming! 

This It's very sweet that you're such a loving and supportinve wife.  I'm sure she feels lucky to have you!