The New World, or I'm Not The PG One This Time — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

The New World, or I'm Not The PG One This Time

CageyMackCageyMack
500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
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edited September 2013 in LGBT Parenting
Yeah, it's not all cake and honey.  Watching your wife try to be pregnant is really hard.

We tested last night and it was a BFN.  She was feeling really good, and so was I.  It was not 14 dpo, only 12, so there is still a teeny little chance, but it more than likely is not a wonderful, easy, joyous BFP.

It is not fair that she is having such trouble--she had to have a polyp removed, has meds to correct thyroid, and this is her second IUI round.  Just feels so much harder.  She is tough and a trooper, but it bites.  It only took one IUI for our DS last year, so this feels unfair and unreal, even though we know all the facts, it takes 3-6 months, it never happens the first time, etc., etc., etc.   That can all be true, and I can WANT to have it be easier for her than it was for me.  I don't want her to suffer a miscarriage, not ever.  I had one years ago, and could bear it again, but I want to spare her that pain.  I want no hardship, no strife, no struggle, no sadness.  I just want her pregnant, happy, and, sure, barefoot is good, too.

I, for example, tested early and often because for me, knowing every bit of information helps me stay level and calm.  I can tell the emotional roller coaster of testing is too much for her (like it is for tons of women!) and I should have urged her to just wait until AF came.  

To recap: it's out of my hands, it isn't my body, her feelings are not mine and I wish I could bear the pain.  I'm not driving this time around, and my main job as super co-captain is to keep the super-star captain fed, loved, and supported as she navigates whatever journey life has in store.

This carrying partner thing is harder than the alternative, for me.  Thanks for bending an ear.

CageyMack
37, married to my favorite person in the world, DW! One darling surfer-girl (12) and one darling, sweet boy born 3/16/13.

5/2013 Started TTC #3, DW's turn: 5/2013: Diagnostics (shg) and surgery (polyp rem.) for best chances. July-Oct: IUI # 1-4, medicated, monitored, triggered.  All BFN. IVF in Jan May. Sheesh. Whoop! IVF#1 cycle started 4/2/14. 5/1: 19 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, ICSI'd.  4 fertilized.   Only 2 to transfer/freeze stage. 5/6: Two embryos transferred. 5/15: Beta #1 9dp5dt is 134! BFP! 5/19: Beta #2 13dp5dt is 672! B'erFP! 5/21: Beta #3 15dp5dt is 1853.  Yay!


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"Things separate from their stories have no meaning. They are only shapes. Of a certain size and color. A certain weight. When their meaning has become lost to us they no longer have even a name. The story on the other hand can never be lost from its place in the world for it is that place.” ― Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing

Re: The New World, or I'm Not The PG One This Time

  • I do not know what it is like to have your partner go thru the TTC process, but I know a thing or two about watching your partner go thru something painful.  My DW has survived sexual abuse, a trial to try and put the monster in jail that failed and losing her family.  It breaks my hear to see her hurting and I would much rather be the one that is hurting.  I would rather take all her pain away and deal with it myself.  Being a support person is so much harder at times.  

    My advice, keep your chin up.  Learn to have endless amounts of patience, even when you think you have no more to give.  I hope that she gets pregnant soon!!  :-)
    T & G My wife and I married 9/10/11 in Niagara Falls, NY
    HSG 12/12/12        
    #1 ICI 12/15/12              BFN on 12/29/12
    #2 ICI  1/11/13                BFN 1/28/13                       
    #3 ICI 2/11/13                 BFN
                   
    #4 ICI August 2013,  Clomid 100mg    BFN on 8/30/13 
    #5 ICI September-Clomid 100,  mg ICI 8/15 and 8/16,  BFN on 9/3
    #6 ICI October-Clomid 150 mg for 5 days   BFN 10/27
    uterine laparoscopy on 11/14-no endo or cysts
    #7 IUI December-Clomid 150mg    BFP 12/21
    12/23 Beta 51     12/26 Beta 209!
    First ultrasound on January 8th 2014-great healthy heartbeat
    Second Ultrasound January 23 (8 weeks) we got to see and hear the heartbeat
    Third Ultrasound Feb 4th(10 weeks), then will  released to OBGYN'
    It's a GIRL!
    We welcomed Adalyn Cooper Elizabeth on 8/29/14
    She was 7lbs 11oz and 19.6 inches long

    Proud foster parents to two little girls ages 2.5 yrs old, M,  and 1 year old, K



  • As the partner who is trying to get pregnant, there is nothing from my wife that I could possibly want more than her support. I think you are doing everything you need to do and I agree with @herbabymama, your BFP is coming! 

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying


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  • As the partner who is trying to get pregnant, there is nothing from my wife that I could possibly want more than her support. I think you are doing everything you need to do and I agree with @herbabymama, your BFP is coming! 

    This :) It's very sweet that you're such a loving and supportinve wife.  I'm sure she feels lucky to have you!
    IUI 08/2013 - natural cycle, BFN
    IUI 10/2013 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 11/2013 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 03/2014 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 05/2014 - Femara + FSH, BFN
    IUI 06/2014 - FSH, BFP! DS born 02/2015

    TTC #2 (and #3)
    W IUI 08/2017 - Femara, BFN
    W IUI 10/2017 - Femara, BFN
    W diagnosed as low AMH
    Me: PCOS
    Myo-Inositol, NAC, prenatals
    IUI 03/2018 - Gonal F - BFN

    INVOcell IVF September 2018 - BFP!!! B/G Twins born 04/2019
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